Phoenix the Warrior

Kathleen Kinmont plays a desert tracker that gets unexpectedly stuck helping a pregnant woman escape an all female cult. I am a lover of low budget post apocalyptic and sword and sandal flicks but this is bottom of the barrel. Rates down with Sandahl Bergman's 'She' and David Carradine's 'the Warrior and the Sorceress'.

The acting is non existent and the sets were built with the contents of my recycling bin. Fight choreography is non-existent. There's a little TnA reminiscent of scrambled playboy channel in '86.

First of all, this is not the most well known movie, haha. It is also not that great of a movie if you are looking at it too critically. Then again, this movie is not meant to be perceived in that way, at all. My friend and I like to enjoy these obscure little movies sometimes and he told me this one was definitely worth seeing. If you can handle it for what it is, it is indeed a must-see.

The movie itself is very campy, as anyone can tell from the film cover. There are mixed performances ranging from very good to very bad, very fun to very boring. The storyline, which I don't recall much of, is a contender for Best Screenplay indeed, and the movie altogether is just one big mess, but a very enjoyable one at that. No doubt this was made for those types of movie-goers who look for campy, nothing movies. However, I myself tend to be that type of movie-goer at times and this was just what I ordered when I was in the mood for it. Like I said in my summary, it's a poor movie when it all boils down to it, but it really doesn't matter because it is so fun to watch.

The summary says it all: What do you get when you combine big hair, big guns, big, um...personalities! and a serious lack of wardrobe? She-Wolves of the Wasteland, a post-apocalyptic classic that features women--lots and lots of women--who leave little to the imagination as they battle each other in various junkyards and gravel pits to determine the fate of the entire world. Leave your brain behind for this shamelessly sinful sexploitation romp with a plot you won't remember...but plenty of eye candy you won't forget! Found it in the bargain bin--it's been released on DVD for the first time, finally

With a forumla like that, how could you go wrong? A lot of ways. This is one of the most amazingly bad Mad Max rip-offs I've ever seen. There's a moment where the kid is given a music box and he just tosses it away, an obvious nod to 'The Road Warrior', but then literally tossed away. Also can't forget the 'Thunderdome' inspired "arena" which is just some sticks and barbed wire.

When you've seen one Mad Max inspired movie, you've seen them all, but this one adds a feminist touch... and it touches all the wrong places. It wouldn't be so bad if the writers working on the script actually took the time to think about what they were writing and why.

The plot is simple, all men are dead, women inherited the Earth.

The reverend mother has somehow developed magic powers that are never fully explained and only serve as a plot device to further the story when it's most convenient. Seriously, she apparently has telepathy, but is unable to find the child until she's given a toy he was playing with (a toy car that has somehow survived all this time). Seems kind of odd because she could sense when he was born and knew where he was. Hmm, strange. Most of the plot is like this, nothing is explained, there's no real exposition and you're left asking "why" and "how" to everything you see. If not for the year it came out, I'd almost swear they were doing a rip-off of 'Waterworld' because it suffers from many of the same issues... but Waterworld was at least entertaining and fun.

It is nice to see that women in this barely post apocalyptic world be able to keep their manicures nice, their hair perfectly permed and skin flawless. There also seems to be no shortage on gas, bullets, water and modern clothing, mostly consisting of spandex and aerobics workout outfits and a pair of Levi's. It makes it hard to really understand just how far in the future this should be (the plot itself is over a period of six years as it is).

This movie truly suffers with how boring it is. Even the grotesque amount of scantily clad babes wielding guns and swords (none of which I have any issue with), you're just waiting for the movie to be over with. The acting is atrocious. I'm almost certain everyone was just reading queue cards off screen that were written in crayon. The only one that seemed to have any kind of experience acting was Persis Khambatta, but even she isn't enough to balance so much wooden acting that you could build a fence. Though, I will give them credit, the dialogue was probably written by pre-teen girls who thought this was what the future would be like.

Fight scenes are laughable with how fake they are, never actually landing a hit or attempting to make it look like their punches and kicks have any kind of power behind them. There's even a scene in the arena where they don't even hide the fact that the opponent has fallen onto a soft mat, they literally leave it in the shot! Gun fights are ok... if you like watching swimsuit models pretend to know how to wield a firearm. I've seen women shoot guns before and they do it very well when properly trained, but this is just embarrassing to watch.

If you're a fan of T&A movies or Mad Max style movies, you'll mostly be disappointed, but it's still fun to watch and see what bad movies like there were inspired by.

Recipe: a dozen scantily-dressed strippers out in the desert with guns and a few dune buggies. Build sets from found items. Sketch out a hack script, then let the girls improvise actual dialog. Add one desperate-for-the-big-time actress who once had a good part in a big-budget movie. Roll 'em!

This appears to be the sad result of someone taking money for production, spending it elsewhere, and then quickly filming this over a weekend so they wouldn't have to return what they'd spent. There are worse films; the images are in focus, dialog is audible, and the uncredited soundtrack improves as the film goes on. But there isn't anything to see here that isn't done better elsewhere -- namely, AMAZONS from the year before (1986), which had actual sets (left over from Deathstalker) and a lead actress who had actual weapons training. See that instead, and skip this.