Heros Boys

Title refers to a team of three male survivalists who win a war games competition and celebrate the victory by vacationing at a secluded country home with their girlfriends. Their fun is disrupted when they find snuff videos, a head in the freezer, a torture chamber in the barn and that several killers are lurking around the premises with crossbows, knives and machetes.

All the horror clichés are accounted for including a car that won't start, a sudden rainstorm, lots of false alarms, heavy breathing POV killer shots, booby trapped woods, people wandering off by themselves even after finding dead bodies, etc. If there are any missing, it's not from lack of trying.

Pretty dull stuff, but some now well known people got their starts here including Production Co-Ordinator Marianne Maddalena (who worked on many of the later NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET movies) and Assistant Art Director Frank Darabont (Oscar-nominated writer/director of THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and THE GREEN MILE). Some of the music is by future Oscar winning composer Hans Zimmer (THE LION KING).

The Zero Boys is a good, old fashioned 80's action/horror/comedy. It's also rare. I just found this one on DVD (if you believe that) and it's marketed as an action movie; the trailer, the cover art, everything. It does start out that way. The Zero Boys, Steve, Larry, and Rip, are the best at what they do: paintball wars. The movie starts with a great game of paintball. When the Zero Boys win, they take a vacation in the woods and stumble upon an abandoned cabin. That's when the horror starts. The action part is so good that I almost didn't want it to turn into a horror flick. It all works out though because the horror is just as good, and cheesy, as the action. It's actually turns into a decent slasher flick which creates an eerie atmosphere. The cheesy dialogue and the one liners are what really make the movie. Such phrases as "Jason old boy, are you in there?" and "Probably just a bunch of faggots living in the woods." make this one a classic. All through the movie I kept remarking about how much the lead killer looked like Martin Sheen. It turned out to be his brother, Joe Estevez. If you're looking for an entertaining mix of genres, catch The Zero Boys, if you can find it.

About six months ago I copied a bunch of movies I've been meaning to watch onto my laptop in hopes that while on a trip, or over my mom's doing laundry, I would find the time and effort to watch them. A few of them I have watched, but largely this group of 6 or 7 films has gone untouched. Today I finally got the will to watch a film called The Zero Boys.

I had download.. erhm, I mean rented it about 4 or 5 months ago after I re-watched the 80's Dawn of the Dead inspired slasher-flick: Chopping Mall. While browsing the IMDb, I noticed that cult actress and Night of the Comet alum Kelli Maroney was in a film described as an "action / slasher / horror" film. I had to see this.

After watching the film and while doing my dishes, I was trying to concoct a clever and hip metaphor for this film: "it's what a teen slasher film would be like if Polanski directed it." No, Polanski would make it more confusing. "It's like a Golan-Globus produced slasher film." Maybe, but a film produced by those great Greek gods of Chuck Norris would've put more than only one explosion in it, and surely there'd be boobies. As I continued these ridiculous metaphors in my head, the more I realized that as much as The Zero Boys failed as a film, it was strikingly entertaining.

The film opens during a "weekend warrior" game between two groups of college-aged kids. The clever director of this film, Nico Mastorakis, has cut this opening scene with such disguise -- it FEELS as though something quite real is going on here, but we soon realize it's just a game of paint ball (and a dull one at that). This is where we are introduced to our main character: Steve. Steve is a strong, leader type pretty boy with a patented 80s haircut. His two friends Rip and Larry are apparently the kings of paint ball, as they have just defeated some kid in a Nazi uniform.

The plot really thickens up when we learn that the Nazi kid has wagered his own girlfriend on his paint ball skills. Not only has Steve won $20, he has now earned the right to court the buxom, catty, blond Jamie (played by the aforementioned Kelli Marony).

Soon the group are somehow on a picnic in the woods, and sooner then you can say "Sam Raimi," they've found a creepy looking deserted cabin. For one reason or another, the group decides to stay here even though strange things continue to happen during their stay.

What follows is for the most part standard slasher fare. Lots of POV shots looking at the cabin from outside, lots of screaming. One thing that was completely out of the ordinary was the order in which characters were killed. As a standard: characters having sex in slasher films are usually offed during, or quickly after the act of coitus (or as Rip says: "coitus interuptus"). When watching this film, I was pleasantly surprised at the level of non-conformity when it came to typical slasher style.

The film doesn't quite deliver on it's interesting middle section. Even the subtle references to Argento's Suspiria can't quite save it. When it comes down to it, the best film to compare this to would have to be Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes. For one thing: the villains in that film are never really explained. They live in the desert, they inbreed, they eat humans. These things we can take for granted, we can understand this because of how these characters look and talk; they're complete freaks. In a slight contrast, we never really see too much of the villains in this film. Not until the end, and I was quite confused by the costume designer's choice. One of the killers in the film is wearing a sweater and polo shirt. And quite strangely, once we see his face, he looks, somewhat normal. It's not clear why the director never introduces or develops the villains, not that it was needed, but in light of their strange weapon choices and dressing styles, I would've been interested.

The Zero Boys isn't a typical 80's teen horror film, and for that it's a relatively fun, yet somewhat dull film. Recommended viewing with: Night of the Comet, The Hills Have Eyes, Friday the 13th Part III, Chopping Mall.

The title characters are three young men - Steve (Daniel Hirsch), Larry (Tom Shell), and Rip (Jared Moses) - who are veterans of weekend war games. They head out with three female companions - Jamie (Kelli Maroney), Sue (Nicole Rio), and Trish (Crystal Carson) - into the woods to have a good time. They come across an isolated dwelling, and decide to make themselves at home. They do this at their own peril, for the house owner and an associate are evil sadists and not exactly hospitable.

Some genre buffs cite this as a forerunner to more modern "torture porn" features like the "Saw" and "Hostel" series, except that it's a lot less explicit in terms of onscreen human suffering. Overall, it's a mildly entertaining thriller, with tones of a slasher at times but which also takes its cue from survival films like "Deliverance". It might not be gory or sexy enough to suit some tastes, but the story is pretty simple and straightforward, and the pacing is more than adequate. The characters, especially Rip, threaten to be overly annoying at first, but become easier to root for as the story progresses. Filmed on the same basic locations as "Friday the 13th Part III", this can boast an early credit for future big time composer Hans Zimmer ("Inception", "The Dark Knight"). Atmosphere is decent, and while the script is often predictable, it does elicit some chuckles from this viewer when it plays out just as he thought it would.

The acting is negligible, although to be fair the actors have to mouth a fair amount of inane dialogue. Maroney is the most recognizable of the young cast; viewers familiar with this cute, appealing actress from "Night of the Comet" and "Chopping Mall" will be amused when she's presented with a gun and tells Steve that she doesn't know how to use one. The audience will be struck by the resemblance of the primary antagonist to actor Martin Sheen (you get an ever so slight echo of "Apocalypse Now" here), so it comes as no surprise that the actor in question is Joe Estevez, Martins' brother! (Acting under a pseudonym.)

Running a reasonably trim hour and a half, this is watchable enough to not feel like a waste of time.

Six out of 10.

The Zero Boys are the best "Weekend Warriors" on the paintball ranch. With feisty newcomer Jamie (Kelli Maroney) in tow, the gang heads out on a classic aimless teen road trip, and wind up at an apparently deserted country house where they proceed to do the things horror teens do: have sex, play games, argue, and split up to maximise their vulnerability.

Of course, they are not alone. The yokel hicks are on the loose with knives, and they soon lure the group into the woods – and into a series of traps. The Zero Boys (and Girls) must use their dubious survival skills, and their stash of real guns, to fight back and make it through the night.

Although Nico Mastorakis is an uber-trash auteur on the level of Albert Pyun, the first scene is promising: playful in the same way that Vamp toyed with our perceptions in its opening. And the idea of the kids taking the front foot, rather than being out-and-out victims, is an intriguing setup. But it's a swift descent into mediocrity and cliché.

"Eat your heart out, Sly," one gun-toting character utters. The film has no problem referencing its contemporaries, including Friday the 13th and The Twilight Zone. It's kinda meta. Ostensibly The Zero Boys is a blend of two classic 80s genres: the teen slasher and the uzi action movie. If only it delivered on the scares or the thrills. In its found footage torture vignettes and its Hunger Games survive-'em-up finale it even prefigures certain modern genres, but in practice we have the usual idiot-plotting schlock, with characters inexplicably going off and doing their own thing to suit audience expectations rather than logic.

Kelli Maroney is perhaps most contemporaneously famous for Night of the Comet, another (much better) mid-80s genre mashup. She's different here: less ditzy and more resourceful, and usually the smartest person in the room. She's more than a match for our hero, Steve, played by Daniel Hirsch with the soft-spoken intensity of a young Bruce Dern but without the charisma.

The positives: occasionally decent quickfire dialogue; some good 'n' gaudy lighting; the pacing is bang on; and Hans Zimmer's Gothic- synth score is fantastic. What it lacks is the ghoulish humour and gore to match something like Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 or Sam Raimi's Evil Dead series. Poor editing and mediocre makeup undermine the best scares (don't open that freezer cabinet!). Throw in some irrelevant slow motion and a frankly meaningless final shot and we're left with a distinctly ordinary entry in the 80s slasher canon.