Terror at Tenkiller

I don't know the first thing to say about Terror at Tenkiller. Despite it being one of the most placid and mundane slasher films I've ever seen, I weirdly wasn't ever bored. That has to count for something, right?

Tenkiller focuses on two college students (though one looks about old enough to have college aged children herself) who head out to secluded lakehouse to escape from one of their abusive boyfriends. They talk, take in some of the local color, and attract the attention of another angry man, except this one is much more dangerous.

Unlike a lot of slashers, there's no mystery or whodunit aspect here. The only mystery is trying to decided what's going on in most of the night scenes (my DVD appears to be sourced from the world's oldest VHS tape).

There's a slight attempt at character development with the two leads, but they never rise above dim-witted bimbo who can't leave an abusive man and sassy, no nonsense best friend cliches.

If you're expecting tons of nudity or gore, you'll be disappointed, too, since Tenkiller didn't seem very interested in supplying any which leaves the film in a weird place - not thoughtful/suspenseful/scary/character driven enough for serious horror fans and not enough blood or nudity for the gore and skin fans. Who was this even made for?

Rifftrax Review: 9 out of 10: Bad, slow films where nothing happens have stumped the boys before. (The Beast of Yucca Flats, Robot Monster) but they really bring their A-game here. The riffing is on point and upbeat. They really seem to be enjoying themselves. They perform a miracle and make Terror at Tenkiller actually watchable.

Terror at Tenkiller: 1 out of 10: A woman on the run from her controlling boyfriend hides out in a cabin with a friend. But local girls are disappearing and they could be next.

The Good: Well it made for a surprisingly well done Rifftrax track. Also, it gave an acting start to Michael Shamus Wiles who went on to become a solid working actor (He, like everyone else, is awful in this film.)

The Bad: Good lord where to start. Do you like to watch woman talk on the phone? Do like endless discussions about nothing? How about panning shots of an unremarkable lake? Scenes that go on a least a minute after they were supposed to?

There is no mystery to who the killer is. The killer is one of the five characters in the movie. He has no motivation, no one-liners, no hockey mask or hook arm. Just a bro with a few screws loose. There is also no terror, suspense, or horror to be found. Well except for the realization that there are forty minutes to go and the characters are taking yet another nap.

The Ugly: Why do we watch slasher films? Is it to see two women discuss their relationship problems in front of wood paneling? Or is it for the ye olde sex and violence. Well, I hope you're a fan of the former. The only nudity is an accidental flash from lead Stacy Logan clearly caused by the full-screen transfer and the violence is both bloodless and incompetent.

In Conclusion: I thought The Final Terror was the nadir of eighties slasher films but Terror at Tenkiller is in a whole other category. It is like one of those seventies search for Bigfoot films where they spend seventy minutes in a swamp and never actually find Bigfoot.

The most interesting thing about this film was the VHS cover - a girl with huge breasts in a swamp. Terror at Tenkiller started off looking promising, with the right mood for a slasher film and cool 80's synth music. It even had plenty of breast shots, in fact there was loads of flesh on display. But it was just soooooo boring! It played out like a soap opera rather than a slasher film, and I had to listen to endless talking between the two girls about how one of them should leave her boyfriend and stand up for herself...etc. The gore is virtually non-existent and what we do get is done very poorly. When one of the girls is killed, we see the knife puncture her skin, then bizarrely the rest of the stabbing isn't even shown. The pace is as slow as a tortoise and it doesn't take long before you just want the film to end.

Slasher fans should stay away. I know what I'm talking about as I've seen loads of slashers and this one sadly falls into the "bore-fest" category. Watch "The Forest" or "Don't Go In The Woods" instead - those films at least have some entertainment value.

I watched Terror at Tenkiller yesterday and made it through the whole flick. I had seen it before years ago, but couldn't remember a thing about it. Needless to say, it's pretty forgettable. The main female character is a bit on the plump side, and she quickly shows off her assets by taking a shower after a swim (Too bad the lighting is pretty dismal and she's the kinda girl that wears panties under her swimsuit) Needless to say the shot of her getting out of the pool confirms that this chick has got some junk in the trunk. A rare occurrence in most movies who's producers seem to be convinced all men enjoy looking at anorexic women with boob-jobs. At this point I still had high hopes.

Once again the have an example of characters that are supposed to be in school, and still under their parents wing, but look to be pushing or over 30. The leads girlfriend in the flick looks about 31 (although I must admit she keeps in shape as she spends ample time in a bikini) Anywho, the acting is pretty stiff, but not terrible (Except for maybe Thor), that's the best I can say about the rest of the movie.

The quality of the picture is pretty dismal throughout, with the ending being almost unwatchable because it was filmed outside in the dark, the few effects are for the most part non-effective (except one involving poor ol Preacher). The story itself make no sense, and the scares are literally non-existent in spite of several attempt to try and produce a jolt. Attempts at suspense fall flat. There is big hair though and to further confirm the fact this flick was made in the 80's, has a soundtrack that was almost surely made entirely on one of those big ass sampler keyboards you used to play around with that were on display when you first walked into Sears circa 1984.

Say what you will about movies like Death Promise and Samurai Cop, but they are actually watchable and entertaining in their own ways even without riffing! I watched both of them on their own after seeing them riffed, and I was still entertained. They aren't what you'd call "well made," but they actually DO something. Death Promise has a very clear PLOT that PROGRESSES, and it had likeable, earnest heroes. Samurai Cop had enjoyable heroes who had questionable approaches to their work but never got to the point where you hated them. (Samurai Cop's sequel is ATROCIOUS, however.) The aforementioned films also had villains whose motives you understood, but this film has none of that.

The "heroines" aren't really likable, as one is weak with constant whiny face and the other is basically only a support system for her (and otherwise vague). The location is boring and not beautiful like they claimed, they showed us who the killer is right away, killing any possible mystery-based tension more effectively than any person was killed. And there's no real arc despite what happens. There are countless ways they could have played this, but they played it in the worst way possible because it's a slasher that tells us who the killer is instantly, lacks any mystery or tension, has basic kills, and is absolutely not one iota scary. WHAT WAS THE POINT? Might as well made it a drama about a girl having the power to leave an abusive boyfriend, but they would have messed that up too if what they produced was any indication. Just awful.