Star Crystal

You get a warning pretty early on into this film that it has the budget that could probably buy you a bag of crisps and maybe a Coke at a cheap convenience store, and you don't even have to get past the credits.

The actors are literally no-names, none of them having starred in anything before. The director and editor both pulled multiple duties by writing, directing, editing, producing, and working on the SFX.

The plot is standard "we found a strange evil thing somewhere".

None of this is necessarily a bad thing. Alien used the same plot to explore very dark themes. John Carpenter made the brilliant Dark Star with almost no money.

Unfortunately, the difference is that those films were made by people with talent. Star Crystal, sadly, isn't.

We have tons of the bad movie staples, from shots holding too long on certain things and not enough on others, to abysmal acting. The opening scenes alone have about five establishing shots of the same darn spaceship. I get it guys, we're on the same ship, since no one moved anywhere, I don't see why you have to keep telling me about it.

I will say that some of the special effects are decent (for the time), but this would have worked better as a short film to generate a budget for something better. The alien has a cool icky feeling to it, all creepy flesh and slime.

It's mildly diverting for the occasional funny badness on display and ridiculously over-the-top school play acting.

Watch it if you can get it free.

I rented this movie expecting it to pretty much be a waste of time. I liked the description on the back of the box so I thought what he heck. It turned out really, really good! A group of people set off in this space ship and encounter a strange life force, and of course they all start to get killed by it. Let me just say the the end is NOT what I was expecting! I was very pleased how this movie was done. Not bad special effects for the time either.

In the year 2032, a mysterious, oddly-shaped rock is retrieved from just underneath the Mars surface. It turns out to contain a crystal and a pile of slime that slowly evolves into a predatory life form (named Gar!). Gar causes lots of damage before eventually terrorizing the five astronauts adrift in a shuttlecraft, a long ways from civilization.

If it weren't for the final act, which this viewer wasn't expecting, he would have been prepared to just write this one off. It's amateurish on almost every level (especially in terms of acting and writing), and director Lance Lindsay isn't capable of producing a sufficient amount of tension from the familiar, tired plot. (This, despite the fact that all the rooms on this ship are connected by long, winding, dark tunnels which the astronauts have to CRAWL through.). Ultimately, the story gets just a little too cute, which flies in the face of the nastiness that came before.

The characters are by and large inane, although the last two astronauts standing finally become a little more tolerable as they face off against Gar. The performances are absolutely nothing special, and in fact can be pretty abrasive. That said, the obligatory "first victim" in this is a hoot in her crankiness. Gar itself is a reasonably amusing creation; the creature effects (and especially the gore on the victims) is actually not all that bad. The electronic score adds a bit of atmosphere.

This isn't a B genre flick that this viewer would really recommend, although he couldn't bring himself to completely hate it.

Four out of 10.

There's very little good to say about this turkey. A generally laughable piece of dreck, this film goes from bad to worse with one of the most anticlimactic endings I've ever seen. It was certainly unexpected, but that doesn't mean it was good. While I am a big fan of cheesy horror and sci-fi, I really can't recommend this unless you just have to see every B-movie that's ever been made. Don't waste your time with this boring loser.

Jeez! This movie was really bad. If I made a feature movie, this is what I would try to NOT make my movie look like. I rented it because I thought I would give it a chance. I saw it was an unknown sci-fi movie from the 80's and I was in the mood for some old fashioned sci-fi. This movie was horrible. It came out in 1986, the same year that ALIENS came out, and we all know that ALIENS is one of the best sci-fi movies ever. ALIENS shows that good special effects were achievable in 1986, but this movie didn't even come close! It was bad from the beginning to the end. I suppose you should watch it if you are in the mood for cheesy sci-fi and bad special effects. The acting is AMAZINGLY bad, the story is nothing but a second rate rip off of the original ALIEN, and if you really want to laugh, watch the ending credits and listen to that closing song. The singing is the WORST I have ever heard. Listen for one distinctly FLAT note that girl hits. Its just simply comical. You would think they would listen to that and at least try to fix it in the recording studio, but they don't even bother. That is pretty much representative of the rest of the movie, which appeared to be entirely done on the first take for each shot. I payed two dollars to see this movie and I want the production company that made it to give me my money back, plus monetary reparations for the pain and suffering I went through watching this pile of crap! YUK!