Spiker

Not that it matters, but here goes - two beach volleyball players are invited to tryouts for the U.S. men's Olympic team. One makes it, one doesn't, and the team qualifies for the Olympics - end of movie.

Spiker is the purest form of garbage (and not the entertaining kind of garbage) from beginning to end that I've seen in a long time. As I've said countless times, I watch and rate movies based on entertainment value. With Spiker, there's not an ounce of entertainment to be had in the entire ridiculously long 104 minute runtime. The endless volleyball practices, the stock volleyball footage, the inane conversations, people eating, and the predictable nature of most everything that happens - 104 minutes of this crap. Who cares?

And what was that whole cloak and dagger bit in the middle of the movie about getting some sort of secret documents out of Poland (I think I have that right)? It leads nowhere and adds nothing other than an extra 10-15 minutes to the 104 minute runtime.

Not that I wanted another minute (have I mentioned the 104 minute runtime), but I couldn't believe Spiker ended just as the team qualified for the Olympics. You'd have thought going for a gold medal would be the big payoff.

I haven't mentioned the acting (bad), the directing (dull), the plot (pointless), or any other technical aspects (horrendous) of Spiker. It's not worth the effort.

In the end, I'm left with a number of questions - Why was this made? Who was this made for? Did anyone involved think they were making a "good" movie? Did anyone expect to make a return on their investment? Why was Michael Parks in this mess of a film?

1/10

Ok I watched the RiffTrax version and I'm biased as my kids' and my last name is the same as the name of the movie, but I truly enjoyed it. I don't understand the low overall reviews.

You get bus rides, you get action on bus rides, you get undressing on bus rides, you get volleyball, you get volleyball on bus rides, you get incoherent volleyball on bus rides, you get character count maximums in amazon prime even though you only need a dozen incoherent and elementary words to describe this film adequately enough to help anybody who's sick enough to have the slightest desire to watch this film from actually watching this film, you get volleyball beaches, you get volleyball in-shape calves, you get horrible acting, you get a piece of Japan from a low-budget 80's American perspective, you get a piece of Japan from a low-budget 80's American perspective on a bud, you get sushi, you get awkward F-words, you get something I've seriously lost major interest in even though I've been a serious MST3K and Rifftrax fan for life....

All in all, don't watch the movie by itself. Watch it with your boys from Rifftrax and you'll not only survive, but have a lot of laughs (like every Rifftrax episode).

Two jobbers go to play volleyball, they sort of face some trials, then it ends. I don't know if that is a spoiler because there is nothing to spoil. There is no real plot.

Also there is nothing to care about, no one is particularly interesting or likeable. The coach sort of has some character, but it's never really explained. Imagine Whiplash but with terrible sound and editing, it just doesn't work.

Overall there is no reason to watch this, it's not even really funny or exploitative. It's just there.

The extreme difficulty of earning a position as a member of the United States men's national volleyball team is at the core of this production, and in that respect it is quite absorbing, but since it is not a documentary but a feature film, instances of personal crises among team members are dramatized, with less success. The film opens with scenes depicting receival of written invitations to try out for the team by three young men in Southern California, one a medical student, the others denizens of the local (San Diego) volleyball subculture. The med student receives bad news that he is cut from the squad and thereafter emphasis is upon the remaining pair, long-time friends Sonny (Stephen Burns) and Catch (Patrick Houser) and their endeavour to handle the unconventional and rigorous training methods developed by the team's coach, played by Michael Parks. Sonny is a confirmed reveler and this generates trouble with the coach, whereas Catch is more dedicated but is cumbered by a romantic entanglement; still another relationship problem faces the veteran of the team, 33 year old Newt (Christopher Allport) and his discontented wife (Jo McDonnell). This is enough off-court activity to detract attention from the undertaking by the youths to gain acceptance to the organization, but the list grows with another subplot involving an attempt by Catch to smuggle documents into the U.S. for a would-be Polish emigrant. Actual competition footage is included from Europe and Japan, presenting an opportunity to watch the Olympic gold-medal winners, prominent in the cast, in action against top-flight international squads. Here is where genuine excitement rests; however, dramatic conflicts of the characters take up the greatest share of the scenario, while poor writing and indifferent production values lower the film's worth, although Parks creates his role with a fine touch and timing.