Apocalypse Warriors

Rating Breakdown: Story - 1.00 :: Direction - 1.00 :: Pacing - 0.75 :: Performances - 0.75 :: Entertainment - 1.00 TOTAL - 4.5/10

Ah, the Eighties-a decade when dystopian sci-fi films meant wastelands, explosions, and shoulder pads so large they could double as aircraft hangars. And in this grand tradition of bargain-bin Mad Max knock-offs comes Equalizer 2000, a film that asks: "What if a gun was the main character?"

The plot, if you can call it that, follows Slade, a soldier for the evil Corporation (because all futuristic dystopias have one), who turns against his employers after his friend is murdered. He wanders through the desert, meeting various factions of people who all look like they got lost on their way to a Road Warrior convention, and then, with the help of an old friend of his father's, he builds the ultimate weapon-the Equalizer 2000. It is less of a gun and more of an artillery installation strapped to one man, and it exists solely to resolve the film's many, many conflicts in the loudest way possible.

Character development is nonexistent. Slade is not a hero, nor is he an anti-hero-he is simply a man attached to a machine gun. Richard Norton, an actual martial artist, is bafflingly underused until the final act, while Robert Patrick, in one of his earliest roles, injects some much-needed charisma into an otherwise cardboard cast. But the real stars here are the explosions-glorious, real, and reckless, a tribute to a time when stuntmen risked life and limb for your entertainment.

It is not good. It is not intelligent. But it is honest in its mission: big gun, big bangs, big fun. Would I watch it again? Not for a long time. But if you want a perfect slice of Eighties schlock for a lazy afternoon, it is ready and waiting.

Here's an entirely undistinguished post apocalyptic yarn from the normally reliable Cirio H Santiago.

Dashing martial arts star Richard Norton has very little to do here other than run around with a souped up gun, alternatively shooting and blowing things up. Yes, if you like gun fire and explosions then this may well be blissful viewing but for those requisite of a bit more substance to their viewing this will prove a decidedly tedious watch.

Not wishing to stray from the main point of my review, but one thing that never ceases to irritate me about some of the reviews on IMDb is the swift tendency by many reviewers to label every single low budget flick as 'The greatest B-movie ever!'. OK, so I admit that tastes vary and it's very much a subjective issue but really – before awarding any such lofty accolade, do so with at least some perspective and knowledge of the genre to which the relevant film belongs. The film in question for instance is anything but a classic in any way, shape or form.

In fact the only reason I can think to watch this other than for Norton completists is to a) see the always superb Robert Patrick in an early role and b) to see the very beautiful (and buxom!) Corinne Wahl as the films heroine.

For a far more enjoyable Mad Max/Road Warrior inspired outing try instead some of the Italian entries in the genre which are infinitely more memorable and indeed so much more fun than this.

You might not think at first that a jungle country like the Philippines would get involved with making post-apocalypse movies, but it actually did happen a number of times in the 1980s. Many of them were made by the prolific B-movie filmmaker Cirio H. Santiago, and while "Equalizer 2000" is not one of his worst, it is perhaps one of his most forgettable. Despite hiring martial arts movie star Richard Norton, Santiago pretty much wastes him. Norton hardly gets to do anything resembling true martial arts, and for the most part he comes across as bland and unemotional. The bland feeling extends to the gun battles and car chases as well. Though there seems to be an excuse for action every few minutes, there is no zip or excitement to be found; it just seems to be going through the motions instead. As I indicated earlier, there's nothing to make this post-apocalypse movie stand out from the pack from the countless others that were made in the 1980s all over the world. If you want to see a GOOD post-apocalypse actioner made by Santiago, track down a copy of "Wheels of Fire" instead.

This movie really sucks, but still it´s fun to watch. For 90 minutes it´s just gunfights and explosions. No talking, just shooting. It´s amazing to see fully grown men act like this, and being serious about it! If you have nothing to do on a late Sunday night, then give this one a try!

Equalizer 2000 (1987)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Here's another low-budget post-Apocalyptic film that deals with a gang of bad guys who want to control everything that remains in the dirty world. The only problem is that they run up against Slade (Richard Norton) who creates a new gun that makes him a major threat to all.

EQUALIZER 2000 was one of many rip-offs of MAD MAX and THE ROAD WARRIOR that would be made and thrown on video store shelves back in the 1980s. If you were lucky enough to grow up during this era then you know that if a movie was popular in theaters then low-budget producers would try and make a killing with the rip-offs. Director Cirio H. Santiago made several of these in the Philippines so I guess the best thing to say is that this is better than THE SISTERHOOD.

If you're looking for nothing but action then you'll get plenty of that here. There are fast cars speeding around everywhere. You've got non-stop gun fights, explosions and various other action scenes that were all done with very little money and it shows. You've got a lot of eye candy going on here but there's no question that the story itself is very boring and it all grows rather tiresome very quickly.

If you're a fan of these type of low-budget, direct-to-video films then I'm sure you'll get a kick out of this one. As it stands, it was just too boring and way too bland for its own good.