Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans

This is a great film. Here are some highlights:

The film has scenes directly recycled from DEATHSTALKER I as well as BARBARIAN QUEEN, but portrayed as if they were brand-new scenes.

Unlike Deathstalker I, there are no pig-men, but there are lion-men and wolf-men and -women, who seem to be recurring villains in the film. Like the first film, the protagonist is played by Rick Hill, which is fun to see his deadpan-delivered lines. His female sidekick/love interest is Dionara (Maria Ford). The duo basically make their way to another tournament, which evil Queen Kana is holding for the warriors in the whole kingdom.

At one point, Deathstalker meets a Tommy Wiseau-look alike who does 50 pushups. Named Vaniat (Brett Baxter Clark), he sort of follows Hill and Ford to the tournament. We later learn that Vaniat is the first no-fapper (which I didn't know existed in 1991): he tells Deathstalker that sleeping with women saps one's vital energy; hee also eats a whole pig and likes cardio. He was basically a crossfitter before cross fit existed. To add to the greatness, this character's non-exposure to women becomes a hilarious plot point later on in the film.

We also get to see the early '90s fascination with lesbian-esque women clad in leather, one of whom has a buzzcut and befriends the main girl Dionara. One of the secondary villains whom we meet midway into the film is a lesbian, who basically forces herself on a younger girl after killing her female guardian.

The music sounds as if the composer was having a seizure on the keyboard.

With so much greatness, DEATHSTALKER IV is a much-watch!

I didn't think anyone else had even heard of the Deathstalker films, let alone actually owned them - so when I saw this 'un on sale for a couple of quid second-hand, the appalling decision had already been made...

It's not a good film, obviously. In fact it's pretty terrible. I can't say just how terrible it is in relation to its three predecessors, because they were experienced way back in my murky, impressionable childhood and the only bits I can remember are the bits that were inexplicably recycled in this one.

But the real tragedy of Match of Titans is that while it's certainly a long way from the likes of the Conan films in terms of production values and, well... everything, really, it's also not quite inept enough to be funny. Don't get me wrong, the scale of incompetence runs pretty high considering it's the fourth instalment in a series, but when it comes to the crunch Rick Hill goes and ruins everything by turning in an inappropriately decent performance. Maria Ford's worth looking at, too. Not worth watching, mind you, but definitely worth looking at. There's a difference.

Still, the 'special' 'effects' are well down to standard for the genre, as are the 'plot', 'dialogue' and 'continuity'. And I can only speculate that the 'fight scenes' were choreographed by a couple of arthritic, wheelchair-bound 85-year-olds drunk on gin, which is great for a film entirely based around a hand-to-hand combat tournament. So it's not all bad, then.

Things get off to a decidedly poor start in this, the fourth entry in the Deathstalker series. During the very first scene I was immediately struck by two things: 1)The camera work looked as though it were achieved by strapping the camera to the rear end of a rodeo horse. and 2)Who ever is responsible for the bloody awful, tuneless and distracting 'music' accompanying this scene needs be executed.

On the latter point, words really just cannot describe just how atrocious the aimless, meandering sequence of seemingly random 'notes' are.

Luckily things suddenly look brighter when the original Deathstalker himself, Rick Hill turns up on the scene to save the day (he even performs his trademark 'wipe the blood from sword behind leg' move after he slays the bad guys, just like he did way back when he originally played the titular role) Interestingly, Ricks portrayal of the main character here carries far more humour than in his first appearance (no doubt the script in keeping with the comedic nature of the two previous sequels) Alas, this humour all but dries up save for a few scenes as the film progresses, which I felt was a real shame.

If there's one thing that everyone seems to agree on in the Deathstalker films, it is that the ladies present within them are universally stunning to behold. In this regard, the movie in question surpasses itself by casting the absolutely gorgeous Maria Ford as Deathstalker's love interest who also happens to be an incredibly feisty warrior!

It's such a pity that the rest of the film fails to have the same lustre. Whilst I've certainly watched far worse in my time, this movie overall just feels flat and uninspired and I can really only describe it as average at best. However, it IS great to see Rick Hill back in the title role and as previously mentioned, Maria Ford is truly stunning to behold, which is a real bonus!

This movie is one of those that really, really needed to have either a) an extended scene of a naked woman or b) a naked woman in a dungeon being put to the question by an evil wizard. Heck, make it two extended scenes and two wizards. As it is, we get one topless female changing clothes and a whole lot of missed opportunities to show naked women. That's it.

This is the the last of the "Deathstalker" series movies (so far). If someone out there wants to do a fifth one, I suggest you call Lana Clarkson back on the set, throw her in a dungeon, and get her topless on a rack with a couple of wizards looking on. Heck, get Brinke Stevens in there, too. She showed the world that she can squirm with the best of 'em in "Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity". Maybe film it in Russia to save cash and use that money to hire an ensemble of sword-toting women and throw them in the dungeon, too. And at the end of the movie Rick Hill can come along and free them all. Or even better, Rick Hill can get thrown in the dungeon and everyone can get bumped off and finally end a series that should've ended after the first movie.

Now that'd be something much more interesting than "Deathstalker II", "DS III", and "DS IV".

Lana, where are you when we need you?

The best thing about this entry to the DS series is that Rick Hill is back! He IS Deathstalker (well, I haven't even bothered watching II and III, it just wouldn't be the same). And you've gotta love the sense of humor it has. You can laugh WITH it, not AT it (okay, you can laugh at it too, but you know what I mean). I usually hate sequels, but I like this entry the best. Yeah, as these films go, it's lacking in the female frontal nudity department, but as a woman, seeing Rick and his buddies in their gladiator garb works for me. If you saw the first film, it's worth checking out.