Le Beau, la Brute et le Malin

When I originally saw this flick, I didn't think it was that good of a film. I thought it was pretty cool/cheesy though. Cut to a few days ago when I watched it again and I was blown away. This movie was far better than I remembered it to be. The action scenes are some of the best in direct-to-video cinematic history. It's hard to believe that this went direct-to-video since it is way better than any theatrically released action film that came out at the time. No review of this movie would be complete without saying that John Vernon is the man. Ever since ANIMAL HOUSE, Vernon has appeared in a number of truly excellent underrated movies such as this one. 6/10

Cast:Linda Blair, David Hasselhoff, John Vernon As you watch this film you can see how bad Blair's work has gotten. This action flick stars Hasselhoff as a cop who is hired to protect Blair from bad. If any one wanted to protect Blair from bad they would tell her not to do this film! 0* out of ****

They obviously spent a lot of money on this one. There are locations shots, helicopters, explosions, horses, Mariachi sombreros. It's an aimless adventure flick that's supposed to be funny. The people are all caricatures but don't pull it off. I'm not saying it isn't a little fun. It's a TV kind of movie with little real development. A series of episodic rescues. Underlying everything is the fact that people are willing to kill or be killed without really looking into the realities of everything. Linda Blair. What a career. She looks a little frumpy for a leading lady. Hasselhoff is all blue eyes and testosterone. But it is just a bunch of chases, automatic weapons, body parts, some nudity. Just to drag a few people into a movie theater or to watch a video. Like a thousand things I've seen before with almost nothing to recommend it.

Bail Out is a silly action/adventure/comedy which isn't very funny, at least not intentionally. The original title "W.B., Blue and the Bean" (which appears after the end credits, while "Bail Out" is the title in the opening credits. Did they forget to change it?) should give some indication of the movie's intentions.

Roger "White Bread" Donaldson (or W.B. for short) (The Hoff) is a part-time tennis instructor and part-time bounty hunter. He has two associates - you guessed it - Mason "Blue" Walcott (Tony Brubaker) and, of course, The Bean (Tom Rosales). When heiress Nettie Ridgeway (Blair) is abducted by drug lords (led by Cummins of Action U.S.A. (1989) fame as Zaldizar) and spirited away to Mexico, it's up to our three heroes to save the day. They have to get her to court on time in order to collect a million dollars. The three buddies want to open their own bail bondsmanship so they can stop working for the haranguing Aram Haronian, their boss. Will they succeed? While it is funny to see the mighty Hasselhoff with his mullet and giant cell phone hamming it up for all the world to see, and an attempt is made at politically-incorrect humor ("these guys drive worse than the Orientals!", "Roasted Colombians, nothing' finer!", etc.) sadly it all seems a bit forced and unfunny. Once they get to Mexico, there is a stereotype Mexican character that is very, very annoying. The movie was already on pretty thin ice by then, and the addition of this character did not help at all.

There are some car chases, shootouts and horseback riding, and the cast is full of familiar faces such as Trejo, Flower, the Hoff, Blair, and a surprising appearance by Gregory Scott Cummins as the drug lord. We were so used to seeing him as the all-American good guy from Action U.S.A. He truly has a lot of versatility. John Vernon is also on hand as Linda Blair's father. What is he truly up to? Nothing really weird or truly noteworthy happens in Bail Out. It's all pretty standard fare, so stupid at times it almost insults the audience's intelligence. We know it's a direct to video movie starring The Hoff, but come on. Give us some credit here. But then again it was directed by Max Kleven, the "mastermind" behind Fugitive Champion (1997). At least Chip Mayer was nowhere in sight. So if you can survive all the groaners for jokes and some middling action, you MAY be entertained by Bail Out if you are in the right mood (i.e., a really goofy mood).

Bail Out was released on VHS in the U.S. on the great Vestron label. We couldn't find any commercially-released version of the film under the "W.B. Blue and the Bean" moniker. If you have a picture of that, please send it in.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

W. B., BLUE AND THE BEAN (aka: BAIL OUT) stars intergalactic megastar David Hasselhoff as tennis enthusiast / bounty hunter Roger W. B." (White Bread) Donaldson. His latest job involves an heiress named Nettie (Linda Blair).

What seems like an easy assignment turns into a dangerous adventure when Nettie is abducted by machinegun-toting thugs. W. B. Assembles his team of operatives (aka: goofballs) who must risk their lives, blow stuff up, and mimic the A-Team in their attempt to rescue Nettie.

If you crave brainless action, explosions, infinite gunfire, extra-long car chases, and unexpected full-frontal nudity, then you have just entered the promised land!

Do not miss this blessed event!...