Embrasse-moi, vampire

In 1988, Robert Bierman made a film, written by Joseph Minion, which would eventually see a new light in the internet era. The film has been used to make a number of memes, most of them obsolete at this point, but the film itself is funnier, crazier, and more entertaining than any number of recontextualized image templates. The film is Vampire's Kiss, starring a young Nicholas Cage who acts with such insane, impassioned, ludicrous bravado that he steals the spotlight in every scene he's in...which is nearly all of them. Nicholas Cage is well known for his deranged acting style, especially in his younger years, but Vampire's Kiss is his masterwork.

The film follows Cage as Peter Loew, a publishing executive who is bitten by a vampire. Slowly, really slowly, he's transformed into a vampire himself, and his mental acuity drastically deteriorates into hopeless, hilarious paranoia. Concurrently, Loew mentally abuses his secretary Alva, giving her the unfortunate task of finding a contract deeply buried in the file graveyard of his office.

Vampire's Kiss was ripped apart when first released, though it's not quite as bad as the reviews would have you believe. Even disregarding Cage's performance, for a moment, the film is an odd duck, tonally messy and mostly purposeless, with low stakes and little energy. Still, the sheer oddity of its premise and the bizarre juxtaposition between publishing drama and monster mash (side note: I just realized how eerily similar this film is to 1994's Wolf) is enough to sustain moderate, temporary interest. It would have been a rather limp, lifeless film, it wasn't for one of the greatest screen performances ever recorded.

Nicholas Cage is phenomenal in Vampire's Kiss. He is consistently, breathtakingly, shrewdly hilarious, and the best part is it's impossible to figure out if the film was ever supposed to be a comedy. The film itself is already atonal, not really a light, airy comedy but not really a contemplative or tense creature flick either. Vampire's Kiss doesn't know what it wants to be, but Cage knows exactly what he wants to be, which is an obnoxious, crazy-eyed, explosive, irrationally chaotic jerk, sporting an impossibly artificial accent through the entirety of the film. He is the sole focus of the camera in every scene he's in, both before and after the bite.

The greatest quality of the performance is Cage's spontaneity and conviction. He's not constantly full-throttle crazy; he's measured, even reserved at times, playing up the calm before the storm in order to seamlessly accentuate his random bursts of looniness. Peter's own mental degradation sometimes helps too. The character is inherently delirious, paranoid and hopeless in equal measure. Cage amplifies these emotions, making what Peter feels at any given point perfectly clear.

When he needs to cry, Cage doesn't actually cry; he shrilly proclaims "boo hoo! Boo hoo!" out to the world. When Peter first believes he's a vampire, Cage doesn't whisper the exclamation to passersby on the street or mumble to himself - he runs through the street shouting ad nauseum to the entire block. Again, the film doesn't seem designed to be a comedy - Cage's mannerisms are totally at odds with the mostly just bland atmosphere and dramatic events around him. It's baffling to watch one performer singlehandedly (singlehandedly) transform the film he's in. It's astounding.

Everyone else plays it straight. Elizabeth Ashley as Peter's psychiatrist, Jennifer Beals as the vampire, and Maria Conchita Alonso as Alva the secretary are all properly attuned to the film's wavelength. They're convincing and demonstrate the desired qualities. Ashley is professional, Beals is seductive and a bit campy, and Alonso is vulnerable and legitimately sympathetic. Every other element is the same; the cinematography, soundtrack, and editing all suggest a film of reasonable dignity, and the direction is simple and direct. Even the script is serviceable, if nothing special. Vampire's Kiss would be a decent to decently boring/bland film without Cage. With him, it's an engaging, surprising laugh riot, which only patters out near the end, in an extendedly dull sequence.

Vampire's Kiss is worth a watch. It's truly remarkable to witness the power one performance can have on a film, and it's difficult to think of a more quintessential example of this principle than Cage's presence in this film. To see an unremarkable, atonal, and rather bland film be transformed into a truly memorable, often hilarious one, is an experience worth sharing with a few friends. Vampire's Kiss is prime "bad/weird movie night" material, nearly comparable to The Room and Japanese horror gem House. If any of your friends love strange films, hammy performances, weird bugged-eyed hijinks, enraged alphabet recitations, or Nicholas Cage, check out Vampire's Kiss today.

A man decends into madness. His madness distorts his reality to where he believes he is becoming a vampire. Not a vampire movie. Not really a dark comedy either. Cage did a great job but his accent was really bad. I felt at times his character was really cruel and there was no dark fun side to laugh at.

However, I gave it high marks because it was different and put a new twist on the whole madness thing. The acting (except for the accent) was good. My wife hated this one.

Nicholas Cage is a terrific actor, and I have enjoyed his work in all the movies I've seen him in. That said, he does an outstanding job holding one's attention throughout this movie.

Nonetheless, this isn't a great movie. It goes in a few too many directions for it to remain coherent. It offends too many senses for it to be a good a comedy, and provides too few scares as a horror film.

One highlight, as others have mentioned, is with the fake vampire teeth. But the best part to that bit was the fact that he had to settle for the CHEAP teeth, because he didn't have $20 for the good ones! That really made me laugh!

My rating: 6

This movie is NOT about vampires; there isn't a single vampire in it. Instead, it is about a man (played by Cage) who loses his mind and begins to think he is a vampire after an unsatisfying series of one-night stands that make him feel empty. It's a metaphor about relationships, and this is one fantastic black comedy. Check it out and thank me later.

This was one of the first 5 DVDs a friend of mine bought, and so I was curious about his choice. It turns out that the things he chooses may not be perfect, but are invariably very interesting, as it turned out with this one. The only thing I knew about this movie beforehand was that it's supposed to be a 'comedy,' and that Nicholas Cage eats a cockroach in it. So it was hard for me to understand why someone would be so passionate about what seemed like a goofy 80s comedy, but it turns out that this film is much more than that.

The opening photography is wonderful, silhouetted spires and Gothic details of Manhattan, that seem to reveal the city as a place of dark supernatural horrors within the regular city we know, which was a great start.

You're read in other reviews that this is a film about a man going crazy, and that his insanity takes of the form of believing that he's a vampire. What I haven't heard anyone talk about is the place that his misogyny plays in that… he's lonely and isolated and sees women as objects, so as he goes insane he thinks he's a vampire, someone who picks up young women, rapes and kills them… and is cursed by this. In this movie, Nic cage HATES women, and a lot of discomfort comes from how horrible he is to them. I thought it was also ingenious how his therapist, the imaginary vampire woman, the woman he jilts near the beginning, and his secretary all look vaguely alike. The director could easily have thrown in a bit of psychoanalytic depth by having a photo of the character's mother looking similar as well.

There are things in this movie that are vaguely funny on their own, but in the context of the movie it's not really funny at all. I mean yeah, people do goofy things as they are mentally breaking apart, but is that funny? All the actors do a great job, but I love the therapist, who seems so engaged and curious. I like how Cage's character assumes the movements of movie vampires, because in his lunacy that is probably what he is imitating.

There are only two problems I think the film has. The film goes out of its way to show how Alva, the abused secretary, needs her job and is not supported by her family, but Cage's behavior is SO over the top ANYONE would know that she has a lot of reason to go to the police. That she remains so passive is a little frustrating and unrealistic to the point where it detracts from the film.

The big problem, I think, is that ramping up so quickly to high insanity in the first hour, there's really nowhere for the film to go in it's last 45 minutes. The scenes of cage humiliating his secretary become repetitive, as do other aspects… but overall definitely worth watching.

I was shocked to learn that this was the director's first full feature, as it is very assured and well-done. I would love to have a chat with the writer to know HOW this idea came to him and what he thought about it. That's it.

--- Check out my website devoted to bad and cheesy movies at: www.cinemademerde.com