Posed for Murder

My review was written in May 1989 after a Cannes Film Festival Market screening.

Competently executed but unexciting, "Posed for Murder" is a slasher thriller that might generate decent video sales on the basis of its attractive leading lady and exploitable genre content.

Charlotte Helmkamp, who posed for Playboy magazine using the moniker Charlotte Kemp, doesn't stray too far in her role here as a buxom model for Thrill magazine, trying to get a lead role in a horror picture called "Meat Cleavers from Mars".

A nut is stalking her, killing her friends and acquaintances one by one.

Prime suspects include ex-boyfriend Michael Merrings, just out of jail, and new boyfriend Carl Fury. Cop on the case is another hunk, Rick Gianasi.

Director Brian T. Jones enjoys the many in-jokes and knowing references here. Unfortunately, little suspense is generated, cast gives extremely bland (and boring) line readings and final-reel payoff is unconvincing. Casting of co-producer Carl Fury in the male lead smacks of a vanity production.

Helmkamp is definitely an eyeful, but needs to work long and hard on her acting. Bob Paone's lensing is pro.

Laura (December 1982 Playboy Playmate of the month, Charlotte J. Helmkamp) is a model for a mens' magazine wishing to branch of to work as an actress in slasher horror films (I wonder why she played this part so well...) who's getting stalked by an overzealous ex-boyfriend with murderous tendencies in this apparently nonchalantly-written late '80's slasher flick. These type of films where just winding down at the time and this one didn't really bring anything at all new to the table to reinvigorate the dying genre (no pun intended) Aside from Helmkamp's admittedly spectacular body, I'd be hard pressed to name any other memorable part of this movie. Only for undiscriminating slasher fans, everyone else should steer clear.

Eye Candy: Charlotte J. Helmkamp is topless a few times

My Grade: D

Media Blasters DVD Extras: Original trailer for this film (with the words 'viewing copy' burnt it); and trailers for "the Incredibly Strange Creatures who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies", "the Hazing", "Somewhere, Tomorrow", "Rat Pfink & boo boo", "the Chilling", & "Faceless"

1 Easter Egg: go to the special features menu and move up to highlight 'Rare' to get a full-length feature audio commentary

Apparently i'd seen this film before but remembered nothing from it. Pretty telling. This movie really isn't that bad though, it's exactly what you'd expect- a lot of cheesiness, intentional and unintentional comedy, bad dialogue, and an excess of naked women and exercise montages. It's surprisingly light on the gore however. In fact, this isn't exactly a slasher although it was marketed as one; really more of a thriller/suspense and a dark comedy making fun of the then recent trends in horror films. Lots and lots of poking fun at horror tropes and all the different Hollywood types. The fact that it's tongue in cheek makes it a lot more palatable, and it's a fun watch. I'd probably do it a third time, even. Despite the comedy the plot is still engaging with lots of twists and turns and red herrings. Guessing who the murderer is is a blast. But don't watch for the kill scenes, watch for the over the top cheesiness and nudity, and of course that 80s look and feel. A bad late 80s classic. 6/10

Nudie model Laura (Playboy Playmate Charlotte Helmkamp) finds herself being stalked as she tries to juggle her modeling career, fitness and try to break into low budget movies in NYC. Ah, such is life in the big city. This routine slasher comes from Brian Thomas Jones, who had previously given us the gooey REJUVENATRIX (1988). Not much is going on here and you will probably guess the killer within 15 minutes (hint: there are only two major characters). Lead Carl Fury (real name?) is also a producer on this and makes sure to work in some love scenes with the always nude Helmkamp. In terms of worth, the film does function nicely as a late 80s time capsule of New York City, with lots of nighttime exteriors. The film comes in one of those Rareflix box sets and there is a bonus hidden commentary on the disc with Media Blasters employees Dave Beinlich, William Hellfire, and Richard York. Beinlich has done tons of research on the players and filmmakers and even goes so far as to track down the locations like a totally 80s gym. Fun stuff that makes the movie infinitely more watchable.

Pretty tedious stuff here, as pretty much anyone who has ever watched more than a couple whodunit flicks will figure out who the killer is within the first 30 minutes, after which you're just muttering "It's the............guy!" between yawns. A couple funny scenes, though. At the climax, she drops a 10" knife with brass knuckles for a handle into the sink and it lands, blade down, in the garbage disposal. The bad guy reaches in to grab it and she turns on the disposal which causes this large steel knife to get sucked down the drain like its chopped carrots or green beans. If that isn't stupid enough, the guy then puts his hand into the disposal to fetch it out and gets his hand messed up, while not even getting the knife out. Later, she manages to push the guy (who had to weigh at least 75 pounds more than her) into a full bathtub and then throws a running hairdryer at him, which he could have easily caught or just thrown out of the water before he gets electrocuted but, instead, just sits there and lets himself get fried. Apparently, the killer just liked to kill but wasn't big on self-preservation. All that aside, the leading lady sports some hearty chest meat, and you get to see it a few times while one gets the feeling this movie really wasn't meant to be taken all that seriously. It's watchable, dumb stuff, emphasis on the DUMB.