Cadence de combat

Mind you, it's not supposed to be, but it is. As a wee tot, I watched this movie in the theatre (Being a huge wrestling and Hulk Hogan fan). All I remember from the night is we were the only ones in the theater, and that I didn't really like it very much. I blacked the rest out, and for good reason.

A poor film on par with the greats like "Gymkata" and "The Pumaman," "No Holds Barred" is a movie set in the high stakes world of pro wrestling. Well maybe the stakes aren't all that high...and quite frankly I feel dirty just calling these people "professionals" at anything. And really, except for the first scene, there's no wrestling to speak of. So I guess movie is about the marginally low stakes world of amateurish beating-the-c***-out-of-people. Sounds good, right?

Hulk Hogan plays Rip, the champion of the WWF (Never let it be said that Hulk Hogan was typecast, this and movies like Thunder in Paradise showed how he challenged himself with deep roles that really pushed the limits of his talents). Essentially he's playing himself, but with a wardrobe that's more black and blue than the Hulkster's red and yellow. He also has this hand gesture he does. It's kinda like the ozzy devil sign people make at rock concerts, except you stick your thumb in the air, and you curl your index finger in. My friend claimed that it was supposed to look like an "R." Try and see for yourself. If that looks like an "R," well, then, Mars needs women. But anyway.

Kurt Fuller, with his overacting detector obviously on the fritz, plays a TV exec with his slightly homoerotic heart set on getting Rip, who's evidentally bigger than Elvis, on his network. He won't have any of it (And exits the office with a triumphant hand gesture to no one but the camera), and so the movie follows Fuller trying to boost ratings and get back at Rip. He does so when he creates his brilliantly titled "Battle of the Tough Guys." Marketing genius, this guy.

From the numerous hand gestures, to the rather idiotic fight scenes (All played as if wrestling is very real and deadly serious) to the overacting, to the far too frequent shots of Hulk in nothing but undies, this movie has everything you'd ever want in a dumb movie. It's frivolous, not too taxing on the mind, violent, and includes the phrase "What's that smell?" "DOOKIE!" "Dookie?"

A classic for all time.

Let's face it, "No Holds Barred was a movie made to cash in on the big wave of Hulkamania and for the kids who were fans of Hulk Hogan, it must have been a dream come true. For anyone else, "No Holds Barred" is a painfully stupid watch with plot so unbelievably dumb and requiring such huge amounts of suspension of disbelief to even partly accept it as a reality. It does resemble a movie, but that's almost all it has going for it. To anyone who saw this as a kid, it may be nostalgic, but to any wrestling fans or people looking for a "so bad it's good movie" this is not it. It has a few scenes of that kind which will make you laugh in disbelief, but other than that, it has nothing going for it. Watch only if you are gigantic wrestling/Hulk Hogan fan or don't mind killing your brain cells. 5/10!

Hulk Hogan stars as a champion wrestler (A real acting stretch...) named Rip, who is forced to defend his honor, his title and his girlfriend from a greedy corporation that wanted him to sign for their network (Because wrestling sells!) however when Rip declines, the network gets a circuit fighting championship called (and i'm totally serious) "Battle of the tough guys" who's champion Zeus (Played by Tiny Lister Jr) maybe the deadliest man alive. Rip refuses to fight, until his brother is attacked and put in a hospital. No Holds Barred is pretty much what I expected from Vince McMahon production starring the least versatile actor in the action genre (Hogan) it is basically lots of unintentional humor, tons of awkward sequences, a couple okay action sequences and tons of stupidity. In other words it's not unlike wrestling itself, so I give it a fair rating mainly because anyone renting this knows what they're getting. The movie is cheap but well made enough for what it is and really wrestling fans will probably enjoy this. I myself found this to be ultimately hilarious. They're are moments of such absurdity that you only chuckle to yourself. (Such as the way Hogan jumps 20 feet in the air after being stuck in a limo, how he forces a guy to crap himself and of course the way Hogan recites from his cuecard. (I.E:"I'm not going to be around when this check clears!") No Holds Barred is a lot of fun, true, though it's mainly because of how ridiculous it is. Fans of camp should really enjoy this clever clinker.

* * out of 4-(Fair)

What a horrible, horrible, horrible movie. The plot is paper thin, the acting sucks, and there's nothing redeemable about this movie at all. Seeing this movie is almost as painful as getting a root canal without anesthetic. Even die hard wrestling fans (like myself) want to forget it ever existed. It's just a horrible reminder of the wretched rock 'n wrestling connection, and the most selfish wrestler ever to take a year off to do a horrible movie that started the lamest feud, and some of the worst matches of the 80's and part of the 90's. -***** stars out of *****

My review was written in May 1989 after a Cannes Film Festival Market screening.

A disappointing big-screen vehilce for wrestling champ Hulk Hogan, "No Holds Barred" should nonetheless birng out the Hulkster's legions of fans to generate good opening but wobbly legs this summer for New Line.

Despite pro wrestling's renewed popularity in recent years, the films about grapplers have all flopped, even with casts including Sylvester Stallone, Roddy Piper and Sgt. Slaughter.

Here Hogan plays himself, still the World Wrestling Federation champ (pic's executive producer is WWF's head honcho Vince McMahon). He's nmed Rip for story's sake. He strikes the same poses, makes the same grimaces and uses the same holds the fans are accustomed to, and is even accompanied by the same announcers (in cameos): Mean Gene Okerlund, Jesse (The Body) Venturaa and Howard Finkel.

Extremely lame plotline has tyrannical tv network boss Kurt Fuller unable to coax Rip away from a rival ewb. Fuller' countermove i to telecast live tough-guy contests, with muscular and mean black wrestler Tiny Lister emering the winner. In cliched fashion, Rip must meet Lister (as Zeus) in the octagonal ring while a race against the clock goes on to find his kidnapped girlfriend (Joan Severance) or Rip will have to "throw" the match to save her pretty neck.

Fan are bound to be disappointed by the uninteresting wrestling action on display here poorly photgraphed to boot. Toilet humor abounds and far too much footage is devoted to Fuller' wimpy, bumbling henchmen Charles Levin and David Palmer.

Best scenes, sure to please smallfry, are when Hogan as Rip takes his rassling into the street and applies it comicbook-style to smash up limos and anyting else in his way.

Unfortunately, Hogan's acting is poor, his line readings lacking any conviction. His talented and beautiful leading lady Severance has to carry all their scenes together, including a misjudged homage to Frank Capra's famous Walls of Jericho bedroom scene in "It Happened One Night".

As archvillain, Fuller closely resembles Bill Murray in "Scrooged", but overacts unbearably. Lister, with frightening crossed eyes, is physcially right but tuck with unfortunate stereotyping, as is the rest of the film's black cast. An engaging and funny supporting role is essayed by another pro wrestling champ, Stan (The Lariat) Hansen.