Les nouveaux conquérants

You can say a lot of harsh and unfriendly things about director Cirio H. Santiago (and most of them will still be too gentle), but he definitely was responsible for some nice footnotes in B-movie history as well. For example, did you know that he single-handedly launched the career of Robert Patrick? Half a decade before he became an immortal cult icon with his role as the stoic liquid-metal cyborg in "Terminator II: Judgment Day", Robert Patrick starred in no less than four Santiago flicks, including the horrible dud "Equalizer 2000" and this debut feature "Future Hunters". I'm not too sure if Robert still likes to be remembered of his collaborations with the late Cirio H. Santiago, though. Here, he walks around in tidy white underpants an awful lot and gets his ass kicked several times during the first half of the film (but mostly kicks other ass during the second half). Many of my fellow reviewers around here apparently consider "Future Hunters" to be pure B-movie Walhalla, but yours truly politely disagrees… The film is a rip-off potpourri of numerous great classics, but it isn't half as exhilarating and entertaining as it should have been. Cheap & exploitative rip-offs ought to surpass their role model movies in terms of over-the-top action, absurd situations, sleaze, violence and flamboyance – like several Italian flicks do, for example "Hunters of the Golden Cobra" or "Atlantis Interceptors" – but this one fails. The ideas are there, since the script steals aspects from monumental franchises like "Mad Max", "Indiana Jones" and "Star Wars", but they are all just very random and unprocessed. The story opens in the year 2025; with the brave warrior Matthew tracking down a Christian artifact in a devastated post-apocalyptic landscape. This particular artifact – a spear – holds the power to prevent the cataclysm from happening and its mere touch transports Matthew back to 1989. There he immediately gets shot by biker thugs (how about that, he's supposed to be strongest warrior of the future but he can't even survive 10 minutes in the 80's) and desperately begs a young couple to take custody over the spear and bring it to the place where it belongs. Michelle (lovely Linda Carol) and Slade (Robert Patrick) promptly find themselves pursued by Nazis, Asian mobsters and whatnot and they all want to possess the spear. How do they even know that this young couple has the spear? The race ends – after a lot of lousy martial arts fights and cheesy helicopter explosions – on a small island inhabited by midget Mongols and Amazon women. "Future Hunters" is allegedly co-scripted by the respectable director J. Lee Thompson, but I think he has very little to do with the finished product, since it carries all the inept trademarks of Cirio H. Santiago. This means a total absence of logic, suspense or continuity, poorly staged action sequences and a ridiculously high amount of cast members giving away horrible performances. "Future Hunters" is boring, stupid and it can't hold a candle to the rip-off exploitation flicks that were made in Italy around the same period.

This is actually a good film, don't let the dodge music fool you. It may have a weird plot about relic hunting and saving the world, but it has good action sequences and a young Robert Patrick who is pretty cute, and features throughout the film. This is certainly a good role for a first timer in a movie (yes his first role ever), he has so much energy and charisma. The fights scenes are quite well done on such a low budget, 'Patrick' does it realistically with vigour. It may be cheesy when it comes to plot and music but it's the 80s. I would have certainly been entertained in the 80s, it is reminiscent of other classic 80s adventure/action films, you'll see what I mean. If they had tinsy bigger budget and better recording equipment this would have been box office magic. But I believe the film would have done well if more people had bothered to see it. The film has only aged because it has been overlooked. But it's a little gem for Robert Patrick fans- I watched this all the way through with a delighted grin on my face hence the high-ish rating.

Future Hunters is an under the radar 80's action movie that throws everything it can think of at the screen in an attempt to catch an audience. It combines several popular film genres of the time to delirious effect. It starts out like it's going to be a post-apocalyptic movie but quite soon afterwards the hero time-travels back to the 80's in an attempt to try and avert an impending nuclear war in a manner not a hundred miles away from ideas underpinning The Terminator. He achieved this (somehow) because he has in his possession the Spear of Destiny and he ropes in a young couple into finding its magical sheath, by now it's taken a Raiders of the Lost Ark turn in its pursuit of religious artifacts, later on, large rolling stone boulders emphasise this influence only further. On the subsequent quest the film combines a – really good - extended martial arts fight in a shaolin temple, neo-Nazis, a lost tribe of dwarfs and a further tribe of Amazon women. There's lots of pumping 80's music on the soundtrack, chases, fights galore, guns, explosions and death by crocodile! And to add a little extra cult value, it stars a young Robert Patrick in a role that he gives his all to. This was one of several cheap genre films that were filmed in the Philippines at the time – there were financial incentives to do so – and the South East Asian flavour certainly adds a lot as well. In the final analysis, this is a very fun action movie that consistently attempts to entertain its audience in a myriad of ways. You can't say fairer that that really.

The people behind FUTURE HUNTERS have obviously seen movies before but I'm not sure they ever quite figured out what makes them good. I'm sure they've watched action movie after action movie, marveling at their favorite sequences but absorbing nothing of substance. Sitting through FUTURE HUNTERS a second time, it was easy to spot their modus operandi in its creation: make a list of "cool" action scenes and create a paper-thin plot to hang them on. It's something a child would create with toys and imagination. This is a globe-trotting "adventure" that takes obvious cues from the Indiana Jones films, perhaps even aspiring to reach that level, but this, sir or madam, is no Indiana Jones. Robert Patrick (most famous as the T-1000 from TERMINATOR 2) is our unwilling hero Slade who, with his girlfriend Michelle (Linda Carol), embarks on a mission that will pit him against Nazis, pygmies, Amazons, and a martial arts master named Silverfox. You see, Michelle is an anthropology student and Slade is accompanying her to some sort of old church for her studies when they're approached by a man who claims to be from the future. He gives Michelle an old spearhead and tells her it's from the spear that pierced the side of Jesus Christ during his crucifixion. This spear bestows its owner with great (undefined) powers when reunited with the shaft and she is entrusted to keep it safe once future man dies. Soon Slade and Michelle are dodging Nazi thugs on a quest to Asia to complete the spear and keep it from the forces of evil.

The role of Slade in FUTURE HUNTERS is one of Robert Patrick's first and we can see early on he was destined for better things as the most believable character in the entire movie. From the beginning, he is nothing more than irritated for having been dragged on this adventure and I sympathize. He didn't want anything to do with this. He had a job lined up and was eager to make an honest buck. It was Michelle that insisted the future man was legitimate and demanded they follow the trail to Asia to find the research professor who could shed more light on it. But then it was Slade who constantly had to fight the baddies who continuously ambushed them. The man just wants to start his new job and his girlfriend drags him across the world to get his butt kicked by a martial arts master whose sequence, in hindsight, contributed absolutely nothing to the story. And that's something else you're bound to notice. Nothing in this movie happens for a valid reason. For example, future man arrives in 1986 with the spearhead and gives it to Michelle. How do the Nazis even know she has it at this point? Almost immediately, the Nazi's muscle Bauer (Bob Schott) meanders into the diner where Linda works to trash the place and demand she hand over the spearhead. Who told the Nazis about any of this? Did the Nazis somehow know to expect a time traveler from 2025? If the spearhead is needed for time travel, how did the future Nazis warn the present Nazis?

I could go on for pages about the nonsensical FUTURE HUNTERS. Can someone explain the reason for the visit to the "Forgotten" Temple of the Silverfox? It was supposed to be for Slade to get more information on Professor Hightower's whereabouts but instead it's just an excuse to have an unnecessary martial arts fight between Bruce Le and Jang Lee Hwang. That entire sequence could be cut from the film and no one would notice. What was the point of the pygmy tribe other than to have a RETURN OF THE JEDI battle with the tribe rising up to help fight off the Nazis with their primitive means? And how did Slade know their language? There was a throwaway comment earlier on that he was a former Air Force mechanic or something to explain why he was capable of operating a helicopter but I doubt it could explain how he was familiar with the tribe and able to speak their language. It was the 80's so I'll overlook the comical depiction of little people, but I won't deny that it's gratuitous. And it all culminates in a final sequence with a tribe of Amazon women of the Venus Valley where Michelle finally becomes useful and is forced into a battle to the death. It's total lunacy…but it's not horrible. This is mindless entertainment to its core and it has its uses. FUTURE HUNTERS is a fine movie to toss on the TV in the background while you're having drinks with friends because you can stop watching for any amount of time without missing anything important and it's full of meaningless (and occasionally fun) action scenes. It's very, very stupid but not so bad as to become boring or frustrating. It never comes close to becoming anything like what it idolizes but it's a suitable time-waster.

I saw this movie last night on TNT's Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs, and, considering myself to be a fairly good b-movie buff, I was quite surprised I had never come across this movie before. It has to go down as one of the better third rate action movies of the 80's (think Gymkata, and so on); highly ridiculous plot, cheap production, cardboard acting, but a whole Hell of a lot of fun and consistently entertaining.

To explain the plot would take a forever, and there are so many holes in it any way I would wear out my ? key. But, roughly, here is what the movie has to offer- A magic spear, time traveler, biker gang, Nazis, kung fu tour guide, kung fu master, Asian mobsters, Mongol warriors, cave dwelling midget Mongols, Amazon women, a Pit of Death, earthquakes with Styrofoam boulder tossing, a car chase that is at night one minute then during the day the next, improbable helicopter sabotage, two people one parachute parachuting, Bonehead Nazi henchmen, four midgets pound a Nazi to death, a whole lot of spear chucking, alligators chomping on Amazons, a very decent kung fu fight, and even more.

Highly, HIGHLY, recommended for the b-movie fan. I could watch it over and over again it is so gloriously bad.