Dracula's Widow

When a film is titled "Dracula's Widow", and we see the title character seducing and killing a guy within the first 5 minutes, what's the point of having nearly half the running time taken up by a police investigation that can only eventually lead to what we already know from the start?

Also, I thought that getting bitten by a vampire wasn't enough to make you a vampire, you also had to drink blood from the vampire that bit you. Ah, never mind, it seems that every movie in this genre is making up its own rules.

Sylvia Kristel is pretty bland in a role that a better actress could have done MUCH more with, wears an awful wig, and doesn't provide any nudity either. The special effects are mostly terrible - when Kristel is in full-beast mode, she looks more like a werewolf than a vampire! The lovely Rachel Jones, as the hero's girlfriend, is one of the film's few bright spots. (*1/2)

Okay, since I retired I have a LOT of those idle hours, and I'm happy to find amusing moving-picture shows like this one to fill them.

That being said, what is with the incessant synthsizer/organ/whiney thingy playing EVERY SECOND of the movie?

Some scenes call for music, others don't. The music guy for this video never blinks his ping-pong eyes. His philosophy is "Hey, don't forget this is scary -- Hey, don't forget this is supposed to be scary -- Hey, Hey. Hey! HEY!"

My first six wives didn't make this much noise. Even during the disembowelments.

My advice: Turn the sound off, and turn on the captions.

The only reason I am commenting on this dumb '80s B-movie is because this is the first R-rated movie I rented at the video store when I was 14 back in 1990. It wasn't the first R-rated movie I saw in my life, but I remember this was the first one I rented and got away with renting at 14. So I will always remember this stupid piece of filth. I was hoping for loads of nudity and plenty of sex scenes back at that age. I spent the whole time fast forwarding to "the good parts", but alas there really weren't any. There is very BRIEF nudity in here and ZERO sex. Oh yeah, the story sucks too and its not scary or interesting in the least bit.

The owner of a wax museum receives a crate containing the titular character. She makes him her slave and starts to massacre various idiots throughout town. A hard-boiled cop slowly catches on and tries to take the fiend down.

I don't get all the hate for this one. Sure, it's no masterpiece. But as a fun monster flick it works well. Good pacing and suspense. Plenty of gore and cool creature effects. I also loved the cinematography, particularly the use of colored lights. So while it may be a b-movie, it sure wasn't boring. I was entertained from beginning to end. The only bothersome problem in my opinion was the plot, which should've been more cohesive. A better outfit for the vampire widow could've helped to as she looked more like Lois Lane rather than the bride of Dracula.

The young owner (Lenny Von Dohlen) of a waxworks in Hollywood receives six instead of five ordered chests with Romanian antiques. He does not know that Vanessa (Sylvia Kristel), widow of Count Dracula, sleeps in the sixth chest.

Why does this have such a terrible rank on IMDb? I have given it double, simply to spite those people who voted it so poorly. Seriously, people, this 1980s horror-comedy is worlds better than 99% of the films that come out today, and you still rank today's movies above a 5. Geez!

Sadly, Sylvia Kristel (who you may know from multiple Emmanuelle films) passed away recently (October 2012). She really tears it up in the titular role. But Lenny Von Dohlen is no slouch, either, adding the necessary comedy bits. (You hopefully know him from "Twin Peaks" -- and if not, you should.)