La dolce casa degli orrori

If you thought that Bob from The House By The Cemetery was the most annoying kid in Italian horror, wait until you see Mark (Giuliano Gensini) and Sarah (Ilary Blasi), the sickening siblings in The Sweet House of Horrors, a more irritating pair of brats it is hard to imagine. These kids attend the funeral of their murdered parents, but spend the whole time blowing bubbles with gum and giggling together. Their general lack of respect for adults continues throughout the film, the little darlings mocking an estate agent after he breaks his leg (chanting "Sausage is dying"), laughing hysterically when the same man scalds his hand, and generally being rude to their Aunt Marcia (Cinzia Monreale) and Uncle Carlo (Jean-Christophe Brétignière).

And it all starts off so well: in typical gory Fulci style, the kids' parents are bludgeoned to death after they disturb a burglar in their villa. The father has his head caved in against a marble pillar, his brains oozing from his skull, and the mother is hit over the head with a blunt object, causing her eyes to pop out of their sockets. Sadly, those who love Fulci's blood and guts approach to horror will be sorely disappointed by most of the rest of the film. Like many an Italian horror of the era, the plot for this supernatural made-for-TV movie makes very little sense, and the focus is on kiddie friendly scares rather than out and out splatter.

Unwilling to see their home sold, the spirits of the deceased parents appear to their children as floating flames. After the kids perform the traditional holiday ritual of the spirits (no, me neither) whilst wearing papier-mâché masks and candles on their fingers, they are finally reunited with mum and dad, who use their uncanny powers to ensure that the villa remains off the market. In the film's bonkers finalé, the ghosts stop the family home from being demolished by a mechanical digger (not a bulldozer, as one character calls it), Mark and Sarah find a pair of glowing rocks that they tuck into their pockets, and a medium screams in agony when he takes one of the stones and the flesh melts off his hand (causing the delightful kids to burst out laughing).

2.5/10, generously rounded up to 3 for the opening double murder, and the scene where a dog pushes the killer under the wheels of a lorry causing much damage to his torso. The worst horror film by Fulci, in my opinion, even more intolerable than Il fantasma di Sodoma.

Probably under-rated more so due to the lack of people having seen it than anything else TSHoH is still brutally under-rated by those that bothered to rate it at all. If you're a fan of haunted house movies there is plenty of entertainment to be found here.

The plot is a bit weird though, ghosts that run the house and are very interactive with their guests. They aren't subtle that's for sure but at least they get straight to the point and the mystery doesn't leave you wondering its just a bit shallow when the reveal happens.

The gore and blood was pretty good too especially for a daytime tv horror. Just ignore the ugly cover and don't go in expecting City of the Living Dead. Lucio did a good job trying to save a lack-luster script which I think was the worst aspect of the movie.

A murdered couple return from the beyond to care for their two young children, as well as seek revenge against their killer, accept their children's step parents, and try to prevent their house from being sold.

So, Lucio Fulci made two television films around 1989. "House of Clocks" is the other one, and sad to say it is the superior one. This film lacks the gore, the horror and the things we typically associate with Fulci. While it tries to build a fantasy world around the children ,it never seems fully successful (though I confess part of my problem was the bad dubbing on the kids).

Given the framework Fulci was working in, it is not a bad film, but it is not one of his more memorable and comes off as fairly bland. I would not call this his worst film, but it clearly is not among his best.

In my mind there's an eternal debate ongoing about who my favorite director of all times is. Mario Bava, ...or Lucio Fulci. Whenever I lean towards Fulci, I deliberately exclude some of the titles he directed in the final years of his career. "The Sweet House of Horror" is perhaps the worst, but it's still a genuine Lucio Fulci; - meaning there's extreme gore! And that is peculiar because it's made-for-television with a child-friendly plot.

The start is quite dramatic, with a happily married couple coming home from a night out and stumbling upon a violent burglar who murders them. Of course, in Fulci's world, this means that the husband repeatedly gets his head banged against a marble pillar until his brains are stuck to the wall, and the wife is bludgeoned with a kitchen object until her eyeballs pop out. Classy! The couple's children - Marco and Sarah - are supposedly heartbroken, but they blow bubblegum bubbles at the funeral and appear to be giggling the entire time. Auntie Marcia and Uncle Carlo take custody of the kids and move into their house, but the actual parents return as well, as ghosts and flickering flames, to punish their killer and to prevent their house from being sold.

The aforementioned kills, plus the nasty death of Guido under a truck and a bizarre melting moment during the finale, are the only highlights. The rest of the movie is almost painful to watch, with terrible acting (and even worse dubbing), especially the children. Fulci doesn't bother to keep the killer's identity secret for long, and he gets what he deserves after half a movie already. Why did he bother to wear a mask, anyway? The other half is stuffed with sentimental appearances of mum & dad, shenanigans with bulldozers and obese real-estate agents, and meaningless glowing stones.

A married couple return to their large house only to be brutally murdered by an intruder, the husband having his brains bashed out, the wife having her face smashed in. Very gory, very Fulci. After this promising start it's all down hill as an uncle and aunt come to live with the two (annoying) orphaned children. The actors are badly dubbed, in particular the girl, having been given a voice that sounds older. The kids are visited by two dancing, giggling flames, the spirits of their murdered parents! Not only is this very silly but the special effects are very poor looking. The dialogue is equally awful, "The flames don't like fat ugly men who do terrible things to them!". Added to the horror are attempts at comedy, in particular a scene involving a bulldozer. Not funny at all. The two kills from the start are repeated later on in flashback, this no doubt saved on more effects but at least they are worth seeing twice. Fulci had obviously seen Uli Lommels "The Bogeyman" as two pebbles glow to the sound of heartbeats, in Bogeyman shards of glass do this. Despite being under 80 minutes this film does outstay its welcome. Fulci made this and another movie The House of Clocks for Italian TV in 1989, Clocks being by far the better of the two.