Casablanca Express

Ultra lame World War II flick. Absolutely flat dialog scenes, boring action sequences, and some of the worst music ever devised by man! I'm usually a big fan of Sergio Martino's work, but this film was far too weak to stand up. The two stars, Francesco Quinn and Jason Connery, are the sons of Anthony Quinn and Sean Connery. Star-power (or son-of-star-power) is what the film relied upon too heavily. The result is a 90 minute waste of time, with some of the most startling historical errors ever committed to film. Far too boring to be funny.

An old-fashioned WWII adventure piece, starring some elderly Hollywood vets and the sons of some great stars. Unfortunately, even with a great cast and crew, the movie comes off as forced and corny all the way.

Churchill takes a train to meet with Roosevelt and Stalin in Casablanca. German paratroopers attempt to capture the train and take Churchill alive, but their efforts are hampered by Allied commandos.

The movie is, honestly, really bad in just about every department. Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn (PLATOON) try really hard, and have enough talent to squeak by, but neither would be as convincing or at ease as their fathers (Sean Connery and Anthony Quinn). Manfred Lehmann is a pretty nasty-looking but very incompetent German officer who leads the assault on the train. Donald Pleasence (THE GREAT ESCAPE) and Glenn Ford (IS PARIS BURNING?) are onhand as the Allied generals running the show from headquarters.

The movie is chock full of supporting characters and plot elements which have absolutely nothing to do with the action. There's a Catholic priest, a couple prostitutes, nuns, Arab sheiks, and British civilians riding the train who all end up getting killed. So much emphasis is put on these characters, all of whom are focused on only to be thrown away.

There are a lot of plot holes and such which also hamper the story's credibility. Glenn Ford seems to hate Churchill and blames him for Pearl Harbor and the death of his son, but this subplot is forgotten about halfway through the movie. Men sit around talking for the first thirty minutes or so about nothing that matters, providing lots of details on events and actions which don't matter a bit. The Germans manage to take over the train quite rapidly and wipe out a platoon of American guards, but in the final act a couple good guys with MP40s are able to wipe out just about the entire German unit with no effort at all. The Germans fail to secure the entire train, just some cars; they don't bother to look underneath the cars for saboteurs; they are portrayed as buffoons and idiots all the way.

The action scenes are ultra-corny, usually involving few pyrotechnics and a couple of good guys mowing down the German paratroops or vice versa. It's all set to a typically garbage (yet serviceable) Luigi Ceccarelli music score, which is typical synthesize garbage that never makes it's potential. To make matters worse, the bulk of the action was shot on what looks to be a desert soundstage, with the train parked and not much movement of the actors or any exciting stunts. There is one nail-biting fisticuff atop the speeding train which did have me on the edge of my seat, though.

I watched CASABLANCA EXPRESS on a Portuguese videotape. The colors were bright, fresh and intense. There was occasional print damage, but for the most part this movie was well-preserved for video transfer.

CASABLANCA EXPRESS is a corny - and appropriately so - but doesn't fit bill for a late 80s war movie. Audiences could expect better from such an experienced cast and crew - even for an Italian production, it's not very good for its day.

RATING: 3/10

CASABLANCA EXPRESS is a last-ditch Italian WW2 film, actually shot in Casablanca in part and set on a train for much of the running time. It comes to us courtesy of Sergio Martino, a man who has created films like THE CASE OF THE SCORPION'S TAIL and MOUNTAIN OF THE CANNIBAL GOD throughout a lengthy career, though it's undoubtedly one of his lesser efforts.

The story is about Winston Churchill embarking on a train journey and the attempts by the Nazis to have him assassinated en route. Thankfully, the powers that be employ some top counter-agents to fight off the threat, and the stage is set for plentiful action. What a pity, then, that the film turns out to be so cheap, shoddy and inept, fumbling what should be suspenseful action sequences and generally proving to be less than enthralling.

CASABLANCA EXPRESS boasts not one but two offspring of famous movie stars; Jason Connery, son of Sean, is the wooden lead, while Francesco Quinn, son of Anthony, supports him. A trio of famous names - Jean Sorel, Donald Pleasence, and Glenn Ford - feature heavily on the cast list and advertising, but are largely limited to those 'sitting around talking' type roles that are included for tokenism. There's a nice little role for STAGE FRIGHT's David Brandon, though. This film also features the worst Chuchill lookalike after ever.

If CASABLANCA EXPRESS had featured halfway decent action and suspense scenes it might have been good, but it all feels quite inept. There isn't a great deal of realism here, a lot of the acting is over the top, and the shoot-outs and explosions do look very staged.

The plot is a WWII attempt by Axis powers to kidnap Winston Churchill.

What we have is an epic style film here, one of those larger than life Indiana Jones type flicks that isn't meant to be taken seriously, and goes instead for the thrills and bangs.

And it pretty well does that. We have mega stars Pleasance and Ford doing the older officer bits, and we have young action heroes doing quite well in the "not to be taken seriously" action. Of course it is off the wall action, but there really isn't any attempt by the director to disguise this. This is James Bond or Indiana Jones style escapism.

The characters are not overly deep, but more intended to convey comedy. Again, there is no attempt to disguise this.

We have some surprises, especially in the identity of the spy. Nothing big, just enough to make it entertaining.

Lots of needless shooting and silly action scenes. If you like Bond flicks, you'll like this, though. Same thing.

It is difficult to find enough bad things to say about this movie. It is even more difficult to imagine why Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasance would agree to be in this movie. As far as realism and historical accuracy: Non-existent. The only way a person could find this movie realistic is if they just moved here from another planet.

Here are just a few technical examples of the poor quality of this film:

The U.S. Army personnel are wearing uniforms that are currently in use (issued in the early 1980s). The soldiers use helmet liners instead of complete helmets (liner and "iron pot"). The U.S. flags that are shown have 50 stars (instead of the 48-star flag which was in use from 1912 until 1960).

I rated it two stars because unfortunately, I have seen worse movies.