Zombie vs. Ninja

Zombie Vs. Ninja ranks up there with "I Eat your Skin" as far as misleading movie titles are concerned. At no point whatsoever is there any combat between said opponents. As a matter of fact both the Zombies and the Ninjas appear to be in two separate movies pasted together into one Godfrey Ho clusterf......film.

The bulk of the movie concerns a man named Ethan who is beaten up during a robbery of family gold which ultimately leads to the death of his father. The thieves work for the typical kung-fu badguy here named Titus. After mistakenly thought for dead an undertaker/kung fu master (I know! Who would of thought!) accepts Ethan as his apprentice. The undertaker, called simply Master T, I think, employs an unusual style of training as he can summon zombies in order to sharpen his kung-fu skills. The story follows the standard kung-fu checklist as eventually Ethan becomes adept enough to fight his father's killers. Where the Ninjas fit in is another story.

Ethan's storyline seems to come from the movie called "Gravedigger". The Ninjas are filmed separately from the main movie and come in the form of a bunch of Caucasian men with very Asian sounding names like Duncan, Bob, Ian and Bert. Leading the way is Godfrey Ho weapon of choice Pierre Kirby as the Dragon. It is beyond asinine to watch Kirby pretend to talk to Ethan and Master T when the backgrounds behind him don't even begin to match. The sheer goofiness of the Ninja outfits complete with "NINJA" headbands and gaudy outfits make you feel sorry for these guys rather than be in awe of them. Nothing screams badass ninja like yellow undergarments. Watching all of these white guys prance around a forest preserve role playing ninja vs. ninja made me think I was watching a corporate getaway to promote "team players". It's just beyond bizarre to watch.

A friend of mine and I went on a mission to find the worse movie of all time. After we watched this movie, we did not even bother to put in the other movies we rented.

A plot summary, character break down, or comments on the directing and acting would be useless. Only see this movie if to want to see something that is truly bad.

Also, do not make a mistake by thinking that this movie is bad in the way of the classic bad movies like, "Plan 9 From Outer Space". . . Zombie vs Ninja is just plain cut you eyes out, tear off your ears, smash your VCR, horrible. I am glad that this movie is not available to corrupt the DVD market.

Zombie versus ninja is one of the few great hidden gems in the world of cinema today. It exceeds any expectations you may have going into a movie that is called zombie versus ninja. IF YOU ARE A FAN OF KIROSAWA, FELLINI, OR KUBRICK, then thats good for you I am too, but what was I saying about ninja versus zombie is that it is a great work and has single handedly changed the way we think about ninja zombie movies. The influence of this timeless masterpiece is abundantly obvious in such works as ninja zombie gangbangers, gold(to be released later this year), and many of the works of legendary director Grover Cleavland. If you don't like this movie it is because you simply aren't smart enough to understand it.

Zombie vs Ninja is such a powerful piece of cinema that it somehow created a time warp around my living room and made it seem as if the movie took 4 hours to watch. The acting, editing, garbage bag ninja costumes were all terrible. The movie stunk to high heaven, and caused me to regrettably lose an hour and a half of my life. I'll never regain that time back and I am worse off as a human being for viewing the movie.

While I agree with a lot of comments on this movie (YES it's bad, YES it's spliced together and somewhat baffling), it IS most certainly watchable. It is not 'gouge-your-eyes-out bad'. If you're a fan of old Kung fu movies, and have a sense of humour, you will probably love it. Whatever vintage Kung fu movie is featured in "Zombie Rival" it's actually pretty good, I'd like to track it down. Those scenes are enjoyable. But the newer (presumably 1980's) ninja scenes are also enjoyable - comedy gold. The outfits. The headbands. The mustaches. The dialogue.. in between sword clashes they say things like "I told you... the dragon's fire burns HOT!" Here in the UK you can get this on DVD for Five Pounds or less, under the title "Zombie Rivals". I own it on oldschool big-box rental VHS, under the title "Zombie Rival: The Super Ninja Master". The video cover has a painting of a barbarian on the front. Seriously. A barbarian.

Update: The vintage Kung Fu movie is called "Gravedigger". Yay!