Teen Wolf Too

I saw the first "Teen Wolf" movie when it first came out on video. The fact that it's taken me more than twenty years to see the sequel should tell you what I thought of the first movie, even though I was in the target audience (teenagers) at the time. Well, guess what - this sequel manages to be even worse! It's a lazy sequel, for one thing following the basic plot of the first movie (Teen is a loser, teen finds out he can change into a werewolf, teen gets drunk with power, teen becomes a real jerk, teen realizes he's been a jerk, teen plays in sports tournament at climax intentionally not using his werewolf powers.) To make matters worse, this time around this plot moves at a snail's pace, with only sporadic attempts at humor (all of which crash to the ground.) Jason Bateman here is a bland presence, alternately being whiny or befuddled. The only good thing I can say about this movie is that unlike many other '80s comedies, this one isn't very dated in its fashions and other cultural touches.

After a lifetime of watching movies and searching for the greatest moment in cinematic history, I've finally found it. Is it Orson Welles' breathless death-rattle of `. . . rosebud.' In Citizen Kane? No. How about Al Pacino giving Fredo the kiss of death in Godfather II? Try again. What about Peter Finch screaming into the Network camera `I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it ANYMORE!' . . . not even close.

Are you ready? Here it is: the greatest moment in contemporary motion picture history is . . . in Teen Wolf Too when Jason Bateman (as the Wolf) runs across the park, leaps through the air in slow motion, and comes down with a Frisbee in his mouth-all without losing that stupid hat he had on!

Oh, but this film is peppered with other fantastic gems. Like the part where the Wolf and Chubby where cruising around in the University Corvette (what, your school didn't have one?) and they almost ran that guy on the bike over and the Wolf just kept laughing and laughing--good times; or what about when Chubby was in the ring and he bounced the smaller guy into the ropes, put his hand on his hip, twirled his fist and knocked the kid out; ew! ew! ew! I know! What about when the Wolf was singing `Do You Love Me!' Remember? When he had that little suit on and he was strutting his choreographed stuff with the team of wannabe Solid Gold Dancers? Box office dynamite!

I don't remember a huge portion of this film, because the part of my brain that controls my higher cognitive functions shut down somewhere between the part where Chubby farts and Stiles sits in the smell and the part where the science teacher walks away from Gomez Addams with a tail wagging from under her skirt. Just thinking about it makes my lobes tingle and go numb.

If there was one thing worse than the moron who played Stiles in Teen Wolf, it has got to be the guy that played Stiles in Teen Wolf Too. Oh my God that guy was horrible. The only highlight of this movie was when Stiles gets punched-out in between rounds of the big climactic fight scene-I like it because I've convinced myself that it was an outtake and he REALLY got hit. Take THAT Stuart Fratkin! What was he thinking? `Yeah, I landed a SWEET gig on Teen Wolf Too-I'm STILES! Just the springboard my career needs!' Yeah, look out DeNiro, here comes Stuart Fratkin.

My buddy Marc brought this movie over to my house and I'm not sure what to think. This is the same friend that exposed me to Pumpkinhead 2. The only thing I can figure is that he is one of many alien infiltrators sent to Earth to use bad movies to brainwash people into a zombie-like trance, making way for an alien take over. To those in a similar circumstance, I say RESIST! You're not taking my soul with Teen Wolf Too, Marc! I'm on to you fella!

And to think that people complained that Return of the Jedi was too much like Star Wars...

They obviously hadn't seen this movie, which is basically the exact plot of the original with different actors. Not even a token piece of originality.

This is cash-in sequeling at it's worst, equalled only by the likes of Grease 2. Avoid it, or you'll think you're watching the original with new voices dubbed over the top.

Although he is Scott's cousin, Todd Howard has managed to dodge the "family problem" and is a perfectly normal young man starting a promising college career. Despite being very weedy and interested in becoming a vet, Todd has managed to get a sports scholarship without being sure why. Turns out that the Dean has assumed that Todd can do for the college boxing team what Scott did for his high school basketball team what with him being a werewolf and everything. Todd discovers this quickly and is keen to disappoint but his genes betray him as the "family problem" manifests itself suddenly. Overnight Todd is a star in the ring and on the campus – but can he manage this sudden change?

When I read overly negative reviews of the first Teen Wolf film I can only silently shake my head and wonder what the same viewer makes of the sequel. I say this because, as basic as the original film is, Teen Wolf Too/Two/2/whatever is like the makers condensed the original film to the basics and then just put that out on as little money, time and effort as possible. It shows in all areas of the film but I have to start somewhere so I will do so with the actual story. The flow of it is this (a) studious kid doesn't really fit into school/college, (b) kid becomes werewolf, (c) kid becomes popular but also a major a**hole, (d) kid learns life lesson. OK, so you can see it is essentially the same film as the first time, with the sport and setting different. In terms of the telling of the story though, we literally jump between these parts without any gradual development between them. I'm not saying it needed a lot of complexity but maybe just one or two scenes bridging the gap between the elements – instead it will literally have 1 scene of him becoming a werewolf for the first time, then the next scene is him popular and doing a 50's twist (for some reason) at a party – not even a bridge which shows him winning over an initially hesitant campus. This is the same across the whole film and it makes it weaker as a film – a problem considering it would still have not been great with these scenes.

This slapdash approach is reflected in the whole film and it is no surprise that the script is poor. The dialogue matches the "good enough" approach to the narrative – ie lines are clunky, obvious and lacking anything that would make you care enough to listen. However, producing even this level of trash was clearly too much for the writers because they appear to have been too busy to get laughs, fun or energy into the script. Visually it looks cheap. The sets are faded and unconvincing while the aim appears to have been to try and pull off "crowd" scenes with as few extras as possible. The wolf makeup is also really bad – never great of course but in Too it looks like a mask purchased at a corner store.

With all this it is no surprise that the cast can do nothing with it. I feel sorry for Bateman but he is poor here and cannot do anything with the material handed to him. He has almost zero chemistry with Chandler as well – again neither of them helped by the material having no bridge between "oh hi" and "you are the love of my life". Astin must have hoped for more but, even though he has a glint in his eyes that suggests a fun role in the film, he does nothing and has nothing to do. Fratkin and Holton are both annoying and deliver nothing in the way of laughs that the writers clearly just assumed they would do on their own (wackiy guy and fat guy – practically writes itself.....errr, no, no it doesn't).

The end product is not so much a terrible film in that everything was misjudged but rather a terrible film because nobody seems to have given a single, flying f**k about it from conception to final delivery. The plot is the same as the first film but yet so much worse and basic, with similar dialogue. The "feel" of the film is likewise cheap and "make-do" and it is no surprise that nobody in the cast can do much of anything with the whole affair. The only value the sequel has is making the first Teen Wolf film seem more fresh and filled with fun that it was.

Teen Wolf Too (1987)

* (out of 4)

Todd Howard (Jason Bateman), the cousin of the teenage werewolf from the first film, finds himself in college on a sports scholarship even though he doesn't play sports. It turns out that Stiles (Stuart Fratkin) pretty much added him to the team hoping that he could have the same wolf powers. When it turns out Todd is a werewolf, his entire life changes.

TEEN WOLF was a film that most people make fun of or look at as a piece of trash but I've always had a soft spot for it. Yes, it's quite stupid but at the same time it was a fun movie with some good performances and for the most part it featured a character that a lot of young people could connect with. TEEN WOLF TOO, on the other hand, is pure garbage and the worst thing is that it's pretty lazy and just a boring rehash of the first picture.

Everything that happens in the first picture basically happens here, although the quality is much less. You've got a teenager struggling with life who finds himself becoming popular. The teen loves the popularity but soon realizes it is costing him real friends. He soon realizes that the party girl isn't what he wants. He realizes that the party life isn't what he wants. Does all of this sound familiar? If so, I'm sure you know how it ends.

Worst of all is the fact that all of the goofiness that worked in the first picture just doesn't work here. Bateman is a complete bore in the picture. Fratkin can't compete with the original actor. Even John Astin is wasted in a boring role. The film has a couple cast members from the original but even they can't add much here.

TEEN WOLF TOO is just a really lousy movie that was made to try and make money off of the original. There's nothing fresh or new here and the end result is a real turkey.