The Beach Girls

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!

In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).

The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?

This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I first saw this movie on late-night Cinemax when I was about fourteen years old. It has become a cult classic in my book. I showed it to all my friends after taping it. It is an absolute hoot! It's so bad that it is absolutely hilarious! The story: Virginial Sarah (Deborah Blee, who went on to the triumphant "Hamburger: The Motion Picture") goes to spend the summer at her Uncle Carl's beach house. Sarah has invited two friends to join her for the summer: Loose hussies Ducky (Jenna Thomasina, a PLAYBOY playmate of the year) and Ginger (bleach-blonde Val Kline, who seems to have vanished.) Much to the disapproval of Sarah, Ginger & Ducky turn Uncle Carl's beach house into a wild, no-holds-barred sex, drugs, and alcohol orgy. When Uncle Carl arrives unexpectedly, he demands that the party stop, but topless Ginger and Ducky ply him with booze and marijuana, and soon Uncle Carl joins in the party. Meanwhile, drug smugglers being chased by the Coast Guard dump dozens of garbage bags filled with pot into the ocean, and the bags float up in front of Uncle Carl's. What follows is a wild pot party, with the Coast Guard raiding Uncle Carl's and building a bonfire with all of the confiscated weed. Everybody gets deleriously high. That's the movie! I could list some truly classic lines but there's not enough space. Trust me...this is funny, funny, funny...in a good/bad sort of way. Get your hands on it if you can! Great party flick!

It's not exactly meant to be "Richard III". It's a 1980s sex comedy. It's upbeat, it's engaging, it's often funny, and the characters are actually likable. In fact, this is frequently wacky stuff, with lots of off the wall incidental gags thrown into the mix for good measure. It's pretty much impossible to dislike. Granted, the main characters are clearly older than they're meant to be (they're supposed to be teenagers), but that's not really a quibble.

Two carefree, boy crazy gal pals, Ginger (Val Kline), and Ducky (Jeana Keough) hook up with a more reserved, responsible friend, Sarah (Debra Blee), whose uncle Carl (Adam Roarke) has graciously allowed Sarah the use of his sumptuous beach house for the summer. The expected raunchy (actually, they're never really *that* raunchy) hijinks ensue.

As one can see, the movie, directed by Bud Townsend and written by Patrick Sheane Duncan, is not exactly strong on story, nor does it need to be. It does have its little subplots, such as an amusingly sleazy local drug runner, Captain Jack (Paul Richards) sometimes running afoul of the local Coast Guard captain (Herbie Braha, who throws in impressions of Humphrey Bogart), and the misadventures of Carls' horny gardener (Bert Rosario) as he attempts to get an eyeful of all of the shapely ladies who start to frequent the place. The main set piece of the movie is a wild party, but the finale provides some of the biggest laughs. Sarah goes through a personality shift, finally starting to blossom when it's suggested that she's too uptight, but this bit of business never gets melodramatic.

The acting is appealing all the way down the line, especially from Blee, who went on to appear in "Savage Streets". Viewers may recognize Keough from being a Playboy Playmate and a visual attraction in ZZ Top videos. James Daughton of "Animal House" plays a nice guy musician, Mary Jo Catlett ('Diff'rent Strokes') is a local busybody, and other familiar faces include Catherine Mary Stewart as a surfer girl, Tessa Richarde as Doreen, Corinne Bohrer as a partygoer, and George Cheung, one of the villains from "Rambo: First Blood Part II", as a chauffeur. As can be expected, a number of the ladies show us the goods, so there's no complaints in that department.

In short, this is very simple, irresistible lowbrow entertainment, and it's never mean spirited, which is a big part of its charm. Lovers of this kind of movie should find it quite agreeable.

Seven out of 10.

As classic a piece of 80's cheeseball as you will ever find. Its worth the time watching it just to follow the "zany" antics of the gardener, who always seems to be in the right place at the wrong time. Some of the worst writing and acting anywhere, with so many bad lines delivered its hard to pick out which is the worst.

Although this sex comedy was released in 1982, it's really more of a 1970's flick in that it isn't about a bunch of geeky teenagers trying to lose their virginity, and it has a refreshingly politically incorrect attitude toward illegal drugs that is more typical of the late 70's Cheech and Chong era than the "Just Say No" Reagan era. The plot, to use the term loosely, involves a beautiful young college student who invites her two sexy girlfriends to her uncle's beach house. The uninhibited friends "Ginger" and "Ducky" quickly turn the place into a hedonist playground. But then the uncle (Adam Rourke) shows up and threatens to put the kibosh on the whole thing, so the two mischievous lasses BOTH seduce him. There's also a lame subplot about a group of marijuana smugglers trying to elude a coast guard patrol, led by "Captain Bly" (this is the sound of me forgetting to laugh), so they have to drop their "cargo" and, of course, it ends up on the beach where the girls find it.

This movie is pretty damn stupid, and it offers such witty fun as fist-fight between offensive racial stereotypes (a horny Mexican gardener and an incoherent Japanese chauffeur). The main protagonist, Debra Blee, is absolutely beautiful, even if she fails to lose her virginity, get naked, or even put on a bikini. There's plenty of nudity, however, most notably from former Playboy Playmate Jeanna Tomasino, who if I could describe with one adjective, it would be "boner-inducing" (although I don't think that's an adjective). Adam Rourke was once in real movies like "Psych Out" and "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry", but he was obviously collecting a nice paycheck here, and he got to frolic around with naked nubiles half his age--nice work if you can get it. I'd recommend this movie if you see it the way I did--it comes on TV and you're too drunk or lazy to change the channel--but don't go too far out of your way.