Waitress!

Troma Entertainment is not known for quality films, but this one is really bad. This movie has it all: bad acting, bad directing, bad writing, bad set design, bad costumes and even a bad soundtrack. The best part of the movie is watching for the sight gags behind the main scene, like the heart attack victim being revived by jumper cables. Although the DVD seems to be marketed as soft porn (the actresses featured in lingerie on the cover) that isn't at all what this film is about. The intro says its about women's lib--maybe barely. There are lots of really bad jokes, including vaudeville style jokes shoe-horned into the script despite the fact that they do nothing to advance the plot (lots of farces do this, but this wasn't supposed to be farce--at least I don't think it was!).

But the most remarkable thing about this movie is that it seems to have killed the careers of almost every actor who appeared in it! There are 214 credited parts, and of those 157 actors never appeared in another film. None of the three female leads ever did another movie or TV show.

I think it is quite possible that this movie ranks as the all-time leader in "last movie they ever did" category.

There are a couple of actors who actually survived the film. In the intro to the DVD they mention Chris Noth (Big on "Sex in the City"; "Law and Order") and Larry "Bud" Melman. Noth has no lines and is barely recognizable in the 10 seconds of screen time; Melman has two lines. Anthony John Denison has a major part (Moe), and amazingly went on to have a very successful career. He is definitely the exception; everyone else in the movie must have changed careers.

WAITRESS! Is what the ancients used to call a "sex comedy", usually consisting of nudity and "ribald" humor. In this case, it makes one wonder who in the name of sanity would ever want to produce such a thing?

Starring no one in particular, and filled with idiot sight gags and dialogue, WAITRESS! Is sort of a grounded version of AIRPLANE!, minus any hilarity or fun. So, it comes as no surprise that Troma had a hand -and probably a foot- in this.

The lead-lined "jokes" come fast, leaving big marks on our brains, before thudding through the floor. Yes, the major reason for a "film" such as this to exist is to show scantily-clad and / or naked females. Sadly, the sheer misery caused by this cinematic kidney stone negates any / all nakedness!

Perhaps, it helps to realize that when it was made, there was no internet, and hogwash like this was considered "risque' or "naughty". Truthfully, it doesn't really matter, since whale smegma is still cheeeze, regardless of its vintage...

My review was written in September 1982 after a Times Square screening.

"Waitress" is a low-budget comedy picture from the team responsible for the successful "Squeeze Play". Only intermittently funny, the new film is serviceable in general situations.

Episodic in the extreme, pic limns the comic experiences of three waitresses at a New York City restaurant. Andrea (Carol Drake) is a feisty would-be Broadway actress working the restaurant gig until her big break. Jennifer (Carol Bevar) is a beautiful blonde fronting as a server while working on "how to meet men" article for a teen magazine, and Lindsey (Renata Majer) is a young girl who was kicked out of Troma Prep School and forced by her dad to work in his restaurant.

Getting off to a hectic start, "Waitress" becomes wearisome with its reliance on food gags, pratfalls , old puns and vulgar schtick. Pic bogs down in the middle for plot material and a romantic interlude involving cafe manager Jerry (Jim Harris), who is opposed to Andrea's acting career obsession, but reverts to sheer anarchy when Lindsey is put in charge of the eatery and succeeds in wrecking it. A very old-fashioned ending has all the leads' dreams come true.

Within a format which is closer to the sketch humor of drive-in films of yore, such as "If You Don't Stop It, You'll Go Blind" than sustained "Porky's" comedy, "Waitress" suffers from non-stop overacting. Although the leads are personable and in some cases attractive this is probably one credit they would like to forget. With more than 200 actors credited in the cast, most in bits, best performance is by Anthony Sarrero, genuinely amusing in a pleasantly overdone attempted cowboy style seduction of Jennifer.

Other actors simply try too hard here, with use of Three Stooges-style sound effects tending to overshadow any shadings. Tech credits are variable but adequate.

This movie qualifies as a "guilty" pleasure...a loopy plot surrounding an aspiring actress and her restauranteur-wannabe boyfriend (and actually featuring some quality 'soft-core' sex scenes that actually enhance the plot/humor), intercut with some of the best/worst sight gags and one-liners ever filmed. You actually wait for the the next joke, to see if it will fall into one or the other categories!

A major complain is that the movie never really decides WHAT to be--soft-core porn, slapstick comedy or gag-fest. That indecisiveness really throws off the movie's plot, wherever it is.

You will never, ever order wine the same after seeing this movie.

"Waitress!" is about as bad as a comedy can get. It can barely be called a movie; it's more like a collage of randomly connected images and scenes that don't build from each other or move any sort of plot forward. And the editing is so rapid it may give you a headache. I'd give this dreadful film 0.5 out of 4 stars.