Heartbeeps

Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters star in this slightly futuristic romantic comedy, playing Val and Aqua. They're robots who meet while put into storage, and make a connection. They also make a break for it, escaping from a factory on a "data finding" mission. They are hunted down not only by factory employees Charlie (Randy Quaid) & Max (Kenneth McMillan), but also by an out of control police robot called The Crimebuster. Val & Aqua are joined by a comedian robot named "Catskil" (voice of Jack Carter) and a cute little thing dubbed "Phil".

It might be just me, but personally I found this dopey movie rather endearing. It's not the debacle one might assume it to be (Kaufman DID apologize for it during an appearance on David Lettermans' late night show), although it clearly won't be for all tastes. Some viewers find it too slow, but I thought the pacing was adequate enough; the harmless little movie only runs an hour and 18 minutes anyway. It's not particularly witty, although the dialogue is good for some chuckles. Catskils' dialogue largely consists of one-liners concocted by Henny Youngman, although Carter did come up with some of his own material. Lovely widescreen photography is an asset, as is the appealing soundtrack composed by John Williams. The undeniable standout is the makeup created by Stan Winston.

The cast is all likable enough. The only thing this viewer didn't like was the fact that Christopher Guest and Melanie Mayron were wasted in minor roles. It's nice to see a variety of familiar faces in supporting parts and bits: Richard B. Shull, Dick Miller, Kathleen Freeman, Mary Woronov, and Paul Bartel. The great trailer announcer Ron Gans is a hoot as the voice of the Crimebuster. Director Allan Arkush is one of many filmmakers who came out of the Roger Corman school, and his other credits include things like "Rock 'n' Roll High School" and "Get Crazy".

"Heartbeeps" doesn't add up to much when it's all over, but it's still a pleasant enough diversion.

Six out of 10.

The first time I saw this movie I had rented it for my daughters. I was looking for a family type movie we could watch together. I was pleasantly surprised and my girls loved it. It is a sweet, romantic story of three robots out for an adventure to a distant tree filled mountain. They discover love and the meaning of friendship. My girls are grown now, but I own the movie and we still watch it occasionally.

Bernadette Peters is beautiful and Andy Kaufman is a riot. It was fun to see Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel (pre "Eating Raoul") at a party where the robots try to blend in.

This is an expensive comedy that forgot to be funny and proved to be a huge flop upon release. Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters star as robots in a future time when domestic robotic servants are commonplace. They run away from a repair warehouse and wander the countryside, falling in love along the way. The cast includes Randy Quaid, Kenneth McMillan, Christopher Guest, Melanie Mayron, Dick Miller, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, and the voice of Jack Carter. The elaborate robots, a mix of costume and makeup, were made by Stan Winston. The partially electronic score is by John Williams. Despite all of that talent, it's pretty awful, with no real story, and the attempted jokes just land flatly, partially because I was expecting Kaufman's usual brand of humor and got something completely different. The failure of this ended whatever big screen chances controversial comedian Kaufman had.

What a weird thing to just now discover: an Andy Kaufman-starring comedy about two robots falling in love and going on the run. I never even knew it existed until today.

Now, I must stress, this is not a good film at all: awful dialogue, slow pacing and practically no story at the center of it. The machines inexplicably behave like people, when there is no reason for them to do so, and the people characters may as well be machines. The movie fails entirely at making you care for any of them or buy into any of the nonsense taking place. But it's also one of the quirkiest films you'll see, with striking visuals all the way through, and technical excellence in all the other departments.

If I was to try sum it up in words, I guess I would have to say it was a cobbled-together hodgepodge of Tron, Sleeper, Short Circuit, A. I. and Batman Returns, filmed by Wes Anderson from a script by an 11-year-old written on a Speak N Spell.

So no, it's not a good film, but it is sort of charming, in an 80s time capsule kind of way, and a pretty thing for your eyes to look at the once.

If you have witnessed Andy Kaufman's slant on comedy, you may understand why I avoided this movie of his for years. Actually, for most of that time, I couldn't see it even if I wanted to - video stores in my area didn't stock it, and it never appeared on TV. I had to rent it online when recently I finally got the courage to give it a try.

My heart sank during the first few seconds of the movie. The comedy in this opening is both very familiar and unfunny, and the movie manages to sink further and further as it goes on. There's barely a story here, with the bulk of the movie consisting of the robots wandering around... and around... and around until you want to scream. It doesn't help that the robot characters are a turn-off. They don't have much of a personality (they seem very stupid - why should we care about stupid characters?), and their voices are very annoying to the ear.

The makeup is good, I'll admit. But it seems odd that they spent time for the makeup when not bothering to present the rest of this world as a futuristic world (the vehicles of this world, for one thing, are present-day gas-powered vehicles.) It's even more odd to consider that no one involved with this movie realized along the way that this project was a train wreck.