Firebird 2015 AD

First, I got this movie free from a friend who was going to throw it away... I should have let him! If somebody offers you a free movie.... don't take it! This movie is so bad on so many levels. I really like Darrin McGavin, but even he couldn't save this garbage. It's not even funny, it is a crime! There seems to be a goof in every scene. My favorite goof is when the guy is being chased by the cops on mopeds (Ilove cops on mopeds) and in one scene he isn't wearing a helmet and the next he is! Or when 4 cops shoot high powered rifles from point blank range and miss about 100 times! And then get mad at the other cop who kills the perp with a missile. What were they trying to do... wound him? They couldn't even shoot out his tires! And since the "burners" drove on the roads... maybe the cops should have staked out the ROADS! And why are there roads if there are no cars? I love "bad" futuristic movies like "A Boy and his Dog" and "Death Race 2000" and now they seem like "Gone with the Wind" compared to this crap.

I'm sure the biggest item on their budget was the $900 for the used Mustang II to blow up. I also love the cops of the future living in canvas tents in the desert and having no two way radio contact with the rest of the world.

Did I mention just how bad this movie is???? No I can't use those words here...hehehehe! Free movies are never free... there is always a price to pay. My price... there's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back! One last thing... why does Darrin McGavin's son in the movie have an English accent???? WHY???????????

Full disclosure: I watched this movie because I saw it on "The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made" DVD, so I was looking for a bad movie. I was hoping for some campy, 70s/80s post-apocalyptic fun, like Warriors of the Wasteland, or numerous other low budget movies from around the same time. This thing, however, was not bad in a fun way, but bad in a horrible and boring way.

So, if you're looking for "so bad it's good", this is not the movie you seek.

You get the basic idea: it's the distant future (of 2015), and gas burning cars have been outlawed. This was supposedly done because there was a fuel shortage, but of course it was really just a way for the Evil Government to control the people.

These laws are enforced by the "Department of Vehicular Control" or DVC, and they're resisted by a colorful cast of characters who live in the desert and conserve gas by driving the the lowest mileage cars possible. They're not trying to start a revolution or anything, just driving around in the desert having fun. They're called "burners", which is actually the most interesting thing in the movie. I really think they might have come up with that name and then tried (unsuccessfully) to write a movie around it.

The DVC are roughly as good at their jobs as the stormtroopers in Star Wars. The burners drive around in broad daylight through the open desert, surrounded by hills, kicking up clouds of dust that could be seen for miles, and talking on CB radios, but the DVC still seems to only find them by complete accident. Also, like the stormtroopers, they can't hit the broad side of a barn with their guns.

Doug McClure is the head of the local DVC patrol. He's conflicted about his job and trying in vain to control his subordinates, who have a tendency to get get all murderous and rapey when left to their own devices.

The burners aren't really organized, but they all defer to Red, played by Darren McGavin, who owns the eponymous vehicle. He lives in a secret location, which appears to be the only building for miles around, but of course the DVC is unable to find it. The action of the movie is precipitated by the arrival of his estranged son, Cam - played by an actor desperately trying to hide his English accent.

That's basically the plot. It's not a spoiler to tell you there are plenty of pointless (and not very exciting) car chases and explosions, and not to expect too much of a payoff at the ending. In fact, it doesn't so much "end" as get to 90 minutes and stop.

Perhaps the only amusing thing are their attempts to titillate the audience without losing their PG rating. There's the randy girl-burner, Jill, who has to work ridiculously hard to seduce the clueless Cam. This culminates in a millisecond long topless shot (don't blink or you'll miss it). There's also a weird scene where a female DVC agent takes a very sensual shower - fully clothed!

Probably the worst thing about the movie is the soundtrack - a bunch of terrible songs written just for this. I had to turn the sound down every time one started playing.

Speaking of music, here's a little bit of trivia: this movie came out the same year Rush released Red Barchetta, which has basically the same theme. Red Barchetta is much better, and of course rock songs don't have to make sense.

Mind you, it does sport some fine Alberta Badlands scenery. Still, I wonder why the creators of this film overlooked a shining opportunity for an approximation of wit. In the fascist America of 14 years hence, private use of petroleum is not allowed. Who enforces this? Why, the DVC, the Department of Vehicle Control, represented by the surly chief, a plainly psychotic lackey, the woman who's secretly sympathetic to the rebels and a couple of other nondescript guys. Did nobody think that instead of the DVC, it should be have been... the DMV?

Ponder that, if you're ever bored enough to watch this.

Firebird 2015 A.D. is meant to be a futuristic yarn about a period in which cars are illegal and the government sends out hit men to blow up the cars that are still being illegally operated. Sounds like a decent premise but what really sinks this movie is the incredibly low budget. The whole thing was shot outdoors in the woods and in the country (which don't cost anything to rent of course) What's worse, this film only has about ten characters or so with speaking parts in the whole movie! It's like watching a TV western from the 1950s. The special effects are in short supply and pretty laughable on their own. Firebird 2015 AD at least is good for some unintentional laughs. If you look closely at the actors, you can clearly see the discomfort on their faces. Who can blame them?

I never heard about this obscure piece of apocalyptic Sci-Fi trash before, until I watched a few clips and fragments in a documentary called "The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made", and it instantly looked like something worth checking out. Well, just to safe you a lot of time and trouble: "Firebird 2015" is definitely NOT something that is worth checking out! Quite the contrary, it's a terrible film. Not so much because it says so in the aforementioned documentary but merely because it doesn't make a lick of sense and everything about it just plain stupid. In the year 2015, it's prohibited by order of the US Government to drive around in any type of oil-consuming vehicle. To supervise whether or not all citizens obey this unpopular law, the government founded the Department of Vehicular Control, who naturally cruise around on oil-consuming motorcycles. Their job is to hunt down the so-called "Burners", which is a common term for elderly guys living in the desert and racing around in Firebirds that use up copious gallons of gasoline. See, this could have been the plot of a potentially fantastic post- apocalyptic adventure in the vein of "Mad Max", but instead it became a really tedious, incoherent, unmemorable and extremely pointless Canadian exploitation effort. The film is a big fat piece of nothing, with chases that are lame and car stunts that are embarrassing. It even becomes worse when the script fully begins to focus on the developing love-story between the Burners' son and daughter instead of on the rebellion against the system. The portrayal of the year 2015 is weak and cheap- looking. If you seek thrills and exhilarating vehicle action, you better stick to the original road movie "Mad Max" or one of the numerous wacky (Italian) rip-offs, like "The Atlantis Interceptors", "The New Barbarians" and "Survival Zone".