Le manoir de la terreur

This is one of the most brilliantly funny movies in the history of film. It displays humor that is so complex, and it's so unbelievably fall-on-the-floor-until-you-can-no-longer-breathe-and-your- friends-have-to-dial-9-1-1-but-they-can't-because-they can't-breathe-either-and-you-all-end-up-suffocating-funny that it should not be missed. What's almost as funny are some of the other reviews on this site. People actually admitting to being scared by this unintended laugh fest. The soundtrack is the stuff Academy Award-winning scores are made of. I want to turn that kid who played Michael into a cult hero. I know he's no longer living because I think he had that aging disease. I love the 40 year-old man who dubbed Michael's voice with that soprano-mock-child voice. Paper machet zombies always liven up a film that wears it's no-budget aesthetics proudly on it's sleave. What may be the funniest thing of all is that I own this movie(not the rights, just the video, although I could probably afford the rights.) The blurb on the box says that it's about a "group of jet-setters and a mysterious professor that we don't see too much of." Priceless. This is a rare movie to find at rental stores, but if you look hard enough, it may pop up and your searching efforts will not go unrewarded when you find it. You can trust me on this one. To quote the professor at the beginning, "I'm your friend."

To properly critique this film I will attempt to rate some of it's key elements individually.

Entertainment Value: 10/10 This is a very entertaining movie that moves at a fast pace. The best part is that the zombies are twice as clever as the living. The undead concoct plans to outwit the living, similar to tapping on the left shoulder then standing behind the right one.

Plot: 1/10 Thank goodness there were other zombie films made before this one, otherwise you wouldn't know what the heck was going on! This is basically derivative of all the better done, and known zombie films of the 70's, with some totally bizarre twists thrown in to keep you guessing. The script is very disproportional, and the dialog is awful. Basically, it would be extremely challenging to write another script as horrible as this one ever again.

Production Value: 2/10 This movie has almost no directorial style, and the class equivalent of an 80's porno movie. The gore and makeup is done with very little, or no attention to detail, so it's hard to believe that the same guy that did the make-up effects for Fulci's "Zombie" did the effects for this one. Also, the image looks murky and the camera compositions, undesirable. The crew is seen once, for certain, and the dubbing is sloppy. However, it should be noted that now and then the score is pretty good.

Acting: 0/10 or 10/10 (depending on how you look at it) The acting is completely overdone, and definitely one of the funniest parts of the movie. I found myself gleefully anticipating every line.

So there you have it, a very entertaining, very bad movie. Possibly, one of the most entertaining films I have ever seen. Check it out!

The Vestron Video version of this film appears to be uncut (it's hard to imagine what might be missing). Truly, though, the creepiest part of it is the one woman's so-called "son", Michael, who is OBVIOUSLY not a child but, in fact, some kind of 'little person'. Why the producers of the film decided to cast an actor who is clearly an adult as a child is beyond me, but it certainly ups the "ewwww!" factor in several scenes. Most notably is that following one of the (many) zombie attacks when Michael goes to his mother for comfort and then starts nuzzling her breasts and reaching up her dress. I'm not sure if this would have actually been creepier if the actor had actually been a child, but it is far more disturbing than any of the gore on display. The rest of the film is alright. I actually liked the fact that very little time was wasted on explanations on the source of the zombie-ism (eccentric professor raises the dead and then is eaten by them - "No, stop - I'm your friend!"), that they pretty quickly get down to the business of gut-munching and flesh-ripping. Any normal viewer will either despise or at least feel indifferent toward all of the non-zombie characters; we are aren't in any way asked or persuaded to identify or sympathize with anyone here, so (like all of the 'Friday the 13th' movies and most slasher flicks) you end up hating all of the victims and cheering on the zombies, taking great satisfaction when they get their intestines pulled out or heads cut off. It doesn't help matters that all the living humans behave, almost without exception, in a fashion that can at best be generously called moronic (no offense intended toward any of you morons out there) - which only makes you want to see them all die that much more. One complaint: the video transfer of this film is rather on the darkish side, which makes some of the best scenes (especially those at night) difficult to fully appreciate (most notably the maid's crucifixion/decapitation). There are better zombie movies, definitely, but you can also do a lot worse.

Zombies attack three couples in Italy after their Burial Ground is disrupted in this entertaining horror flick from 1985.

We first see a man who seems to be digging around and exploring a burial ground site. While chipping away at the stones on the site, he appears to let out some vicious zombies who kill him. Meanwhile we see that a group of 30-somethings head up to a large mansion for the weekend near the burial site where the zombies attacked.

It isn't long before the dead start rising from the ground as grotesque zombies and roam the grounds of the large property. After all three of the couples are attacked during broad daylight but the undead creatures, it becomes a battle to stay alive and survive the night. They barricade the mansion to keep the zombies out, but the zombies in this one prove to be very strategic in their attack...

I found Burial Ground to be a very fun zombie flick! One of the main positives for me was the fast pacing of the movie. The zombies attack the group at the 20 minute mark of the movie, making pretty much the entire duration about the humans barricading themselves in the house for safety. Very fun to watch. The acting was pretty strong (it was the dubbing that was problematic). I thought Maria Angela Giordan as Evelyn was the strongest and led the way with her over the top dramatics.

The film quality and picture is very poor. I have the old 80's Vestron Video VHS, so perhaps there is a better quality version out there. The picture is dark and murky, with some of the night time scenes next to impossible to see clearly. Another thing which was low quality was the dubbing and whoever some of those voice over actors were. It was comical at some points. The gore was there, and gave a lot of blood and guts, but was nothing spectacular.

Despite those negatives, Burial Ground is a high entertaining "so bad it's great" Italian zombie flick from the mid 80's. I highly recommend giving it a watch if zombies are your thing.

6/10

This is the one. This is the one that puts them all to shame. Fulci, Romero, no one has ever made living-dead cinema seem so dark, gritty, and down right apocalyptic as Andrea Bianchi. Obviously less expensive than anything from those other guys, Burial Ground is certainly no more complicated than anything else from the genre, three giddy couples and a depressed man-child are vacationing in an old mansion in Italy. They couldn't have picked a better location. Little Michael, the man-child is in love with his mother, and he seems a bit jealous of his step-father, I'm not exactly sure what they intended with this little sub-plot but all I know is that incest is hilarious, regardless of what genre it's thrown into, and being completely random makes it all the better. I'm just glad little Michael is a character in a movie and not someone I have to deal with on a regular basis.

Enough about Man-children and incest, there's much more fun to be had. The first twenty minutes of this epic mostly involves the giddy couples spouting ridiculous dialogue, flirting with each other, and frolicking about with not a care in the world, until it happens, the dead are coming back to life, and unfortunately, for some reason, there are a dozen or so rotted corpses buried in the garden. As bad as the English voice-overs are, they do a great job at sounding terrified once the madness begins. Probably more powerful than it was meant to be, Burial Ground gives you the strong impression that these dozens of zombies, some of which resemble the Toxic Avenger, just might take over the world after they're done with these guys. Burial Ground is a prime example of grainy, bad film quality unintentionally enhancing the horror quality. Some scenes, you cant even make out what's going on. Although the sci-fi-ish sound effects are out of place, it adds an apocalyptic feel that makes things seem even more hopeless and dismal. Some how, the unintentional humor doesn't overshadow any of this. Calling Burial Ground creepy would be an insult, nightmarish would be a good start.

The darkness of this masterpiece goes far beneath the dark, grainy quality of the film, even when they show a sunny day, all I see in this film is darkness, things just seemed doomed from the very beginning, and that, exploitation fans, is the makings for true horror. Burial Ground is best Italian gore has to offer, better than The Beyond, even better than Beyond the Darkness, Burial Ground has no equal. The only thing I can recommend more than this, is this on VHS, the film quality is even worse, the sky looks almost pink. VHS really brings out "that look" that the DVD format has ruined. Plenty of Gore, nudity, incest-humor, Burial Ground is the measuring stick of any horror sub-genre it may represent. Aside from the profecy being mis-spelled, the ending leaves quite an impression. Don't talk to me about no damn Evil Dead. Burial Ground has them all beat. That one wasn't that great anyway. 10/10