Représailles

The New Kids is probably best for fans of the cast or anyone satisfied by mediocre teen 80s movies. This is one of those movies about a bunch of psychotic weirdos trying to do as much damage as possible to two innocent victims, leaving you to wonder what the heck these kids did to push the antagonists so far over the edge.

Here, our innocent victims are Abby (Lori Laughlin) and Loren (Shannon Presby). After their parents died, the brother and sister go to live in an amusement park (how awesome is that?) where their relatives (surrogate parent-types) live and work.

The psychos are led by Eddie Dutra (James Spader) a sadistic albino, and his gang of merry men (one of which is the excellent John Philbin who 80s fans will remember as 'Turtle' from the surf adventure, North Shore). Anyways, Eddie wants Abby, and what Eddie wants, he gets. But when Abby pushes him away after several forceful advances, sadistic control-freak Eddie doesn't want it to look like he let a girl weaken him. He and the gang go after Lorren, Abby, and their family, in a do or die situation.

Despite having a decent finale of chases and destruction, the movie has a very simple story. Unfortunately, it can also be quite sappy during those brother-sister inspiration talks. Abby and Lorren are willing to fight back against Eddie and his gang once and for all after so many of his vicious acts against them and their family, but for such tough kids (especially Abby), they do seem to come off as bitterly sappy sometimes.

Unfortunately, too, the movie has a very simple story. I watched it on the Spanish Channel (I don't understand Spanish) and I figured everything out alright. It's a generic story, but one you'll like if that's what you're into or if you're fans of the actors in this film.

Don't let people sway you, folks. This movie is outstanding! It features some disreputable Southern stereotypes and death by roller coaster and lighter fluid, not to mention the brilliant actor John Philbin in a typically memorable performance as "Gid". The production values are strong (including music by the great Lalo Schifrin) and the script is fast-paced and doesn't waste time with nuance or subtlety. There are pit bulls, lazy sheriffs, authentic Florida tourist trap backwoods locations, a pre-"Mask" Eric Stoltz, and impressive mid-1980s fashions. What more can you ask for? A solid 7/10.

Brother and sister Loren (Shannon Presby) and Abby (Lori Loughlin) find their lives turned upside down when their parents are killed in a car crash. Off they go to live with eccentric Uncle Charlie (Eddie Jones) at his rundown Santa's Funland amusement park in Florida. Naturally, they become the target of the local bullies led by Eddie Dutra (James Spader, with bleach blonde hair, horrific shirts and ridiculous accent). After slaughtering teens in Friday THE 13TH (1980), producer-director Sean Cunningham took it easy on them in SPRING BREAK (1983). Since that didn't deliver Friday level returns, he jumped back into the dead kids genre but with a 80s revenge motif rather than stalk-n-slash. This is about what you would expect from the time period save a nasty mean streak of violent death that sets it apart from something like bully classic THE KARATE KID (1984). Cunningham goes out of his way to make sure you never see the heroes kill anyone directly. I guess that is why they are the good guys? The film ends with the ridiculous coda of the Uncle's theme park thriving because of the shootout that happened there and a younger sibling of those offering a stare that can only mean THE NEW KIDS II. It never happened.

"The New Kids" is about average for this kind of film: competently if not stylishly made, routinely written, reasonably rousing for its big finish, and full of characters whom you can either like or loathe. And the sides are pretty well delineated: there are the good guys and there are the bad guys. And the bad guys do their able best to show you how much they deserve to die. Director Sean S. Cunningham, who despite efforts like this will always be best known as the original "Friday the 13th" guy, does a decent job, working from a script by future director Stephen Gyllenhaal (who also happens to be the father of Jake and Maggie G.). This is mostly a showcase for the younger crowd, with most of the adult cast relegated to minor roles. Certainly there is some capable production design present here, as well as a good music score by the always reliable Lalo Schifrin.

Lori Loughlin ('Full House') and Shannon Presby (making his only feature film appearance here) play Abby and Loren MacWilliams, two nice, ordinary teens who end up living with their uncle Charlie (Eddie Jones, 'Lois & Clark') and Aunt Fay (Lucy Martin, "Cops and Robbers") in Florida. They become the targets of degenerate prick Eddie Dutra (James Spader, 'The Blacklist') and his gang of repulsive redneck flunkies. Things escalate until a bloody showdown at the amusement park that uncle Charlie operates.

Cunningham does work with a pretty good cast here, also including Eric Stoltz as nice guy Mark, John Philbin ("The Return of the Living Dead"), the great (and too briefly seen) Tom Atkins ("Night of the Creeps") as Abby and Lorens' dad, Brad Sullivan ("The Untouchables") as Colonel Jenkins, and John D. LeMay, future star of the 'Friday the 13th' TV series, in a bit part. Loughlin and Presby do make their characters likable enough that you root for them, and Spader, Philbin and others are just so disagreeable that one just can't wait for them to get their comeuppance. Jones is engaging as a man who's a bit of a dreamer. There is a degree of 1980s style cheese to these proceedings (we get to hear the ditty "Stand Up" three times before this is over), but it's all pretty absorbing up to and including that climax. The final death is fitting and effective.

If you're an animal lover, though, you may be taken aback by the actions of Dutra & gang.

Seven out of 10.

Teenage orphans Abby (Lori Loughlin) and Loren (Shannon Presby) go to live with their aunt and uncle in Florida, who run a combination gas station and amusement park. Abby attracts the attention of scumbag Eddie Dutra (James Spader) and his redneck buddies. When Abby rejects them, the punks harass her and her family. Loren tries to get even which leads to Abby being kidnapped. Now it's a life or death showdown vs the rednecks.

Not a horror movie like the poster implies but an action-thriller that sadly has nothing to do with New Kids on the Block. The '80s was a decade full of revenge movies. Most were more brutal than this. But I suppose that might make this more accessible than, say, the Death Wish series. The cast here is decent. Shannon Presby had a short-lived career but that appears to be by choice as he does fine here. Lori Loughlin is very pretty and personable. Every time I see one of her pre-Full House movie roles I have to wonder what the world was smoking in the '80s that prevented her from becoming a bigger star. We're also teased with a nude shower scene from her in this but, alas, it's just a tease. Carrot-topped Eric Stoltz plays Lori's boyfriend. I doubt I'll ever fully get his appeal. Eddie Jones plays the likable but irresponsible uncle ("Soon enough, we're gonna be fartin' through silk"). Tom Atkins appears all-too-briefly. The guys playing the rednecks are over-the-top goofy and not the least bit scary. The standout of the movie is, obviously, a scenery-chewing platinum blonde James Spader as the creepy villain. It's his movie, really. This was written by Stephen Gyllenhaal, father of Maggie. She would later have her first big role in Secretary, which starred Spader. Two degrees of separation. The gang of school toughs that back up Spader do not seem like the kind of dudes a guy like him would be hanging with. Something tells me the part Spader was cast for and the part he played weren't exactly the same.

It's an OK time-passer. Nothing terribly special but worth a peek for fans of '80s cheese. Dig the montage with generic rock music when Loren prepares for the big fight. Love the '80s!