I'm sure some would say that you'd have a better chance of picking the winning lottery numbers every week than picking out the worst horror sequel of all time. Hell, when a film like "Silent Night, Deadly Night" can spawn no less than four follow-ups, there is obviously a LOT for one to choose from. But those who think that this is truly an impossible task have never seen the "Hills Have Eyes Part II". And boy, I sure envy them because they won't have to go to their graves pondering what else they could've done with their life during the 90 minutes they used up to watch this film. "Hills Have Eyes II" is not even gracious enough to provide one with 90 minutes of bad laughs. It is just plain DEAD! I mean, this must have had the most unenthusiastic film shoot in history. The direction, the script and the acting are so flat that it doesn't look anyone involved in the project gives a damn at all. You'd never think that Wes Craven himself, whose 1977 original was a genuine horror masterpiece, could be responsible for such an utterly lifeless piece of celluloid, but as he's stated many times before, this came at a time when he'd do ANYTHING to scratch out a living in the film biz (though I'd personally have chosen to find work at a sweat shop than have my name attached to something like this). Thankfully, his next project was the hugely successful "Nightmare on Elm Street", which helped the otherwise talented filmmaker go on to bigger things, though ironically, "Hills II" was held back for release until a year afterwards and would probably still be sitting on a shelf somewhere if "Elm Street" were not such a success.
Anyway, there's no sense dwelling on where this sequel goes wrong, because it does so in EVERY department, but there are definitely a great deal of things that stick out. Despite being such a lifeless piece of work, "The Hills Have Eyes Part II" is, and always will be, remembered among horror fans for one reason and one reason only: the dog's flashback. That's right, in the annals of horror movie stupidity, there has never been a moment to top the lunacy of the Carter family dog having a flashback to some of the events he witnessed in the original film! Hell, there are so many damn flashback sequences in this film that it actually makes for a reason to watch it: if one has trouble finding a copy of the original "Hills Have Eyes", they can just rent the sequel since it shows just about every scene from the original anyway. Of course, those who fondly remember the original are gonna be shaking their heads at the absurd contrivances in this sequel. The only returning member of the mutant family this time around is Pluto, who is now living in the desert with "The Reaper", who is supposed to be the brother of Papa Jupiter, the original leader of the clan. Think about this for a second. Remember the chilling scene in the original "Hills" where the old man at the gas station tells the story about his wife giving birth to Jupiter, and how the kid developed into a monster that eventually murdered their daughter? Strange that he makes no mention of Jupiter having a brother. Even stranger is how he says that giving birth to Jupiter almost tore his poor wife apart - yet she still finds the strength to deliver another kid that's even bigger. But not to worry about the plot holes since Craven doesn't give any more regard to his direction or editing either, especially near the end, when one of the major characters just disappears completely from the picture! I'd just love to ramble on endlessly about all the laughable blunders in this film, but I realize that taking the time to complain about it is just another set of minutes that I'll end up wishing I'd spent on better things when I go to my grave.
