Les guerriers de la jungle

This is an 80s actioner about as generic as they come, only without good action, without memorable characters, and even without sexiness (which should have been the point of putting fashion models in the jungle). The thing is, this could have been soooo much better if anyone really had put some passion into this project. The setup has a lot of potential, but nearly every single opportunity gets wasted by bad writing or directing. The pretty girls get no sexy scenes, the villains get offed in very uninteresting ways (and much too quickly - what a waste of Sybil Danning), the heroes don't get much heroing to do, and the jungle setting is used for maybe 10 minutes.

That the movie had potential is witnessed by the fact that I was able to sit through it without fast-forwarding; despite all its flaws it's at least quickly paced and loud - 5/10.

I admit that I might have had a higher opinion of "Jungle Warriors" if I had been able to see it in its full form; the Region 2 DVD version features many painfully obvious cuts that make the film more of a jumble than it already is (it would struggle to get a PG-13 in this form). What's left of "Jungle Warriors" is not that good, anyway: it only gets interesting when the girls are machine gunning down the bad guys, but that doesn't happen often enough (actually, most of the bad guys just kill each other off). Admittedly, casting Paul L. Smith and Sybil Danning as kinky half-siblings was an inspired exploitation idea, but Danning is actually kind of wasted in this film. *1/2 out of 4.

First the bad news. "Jungle Warriors" has about as much realism as a rat f...ing a grapefruit. More bad news, for a women in prison type, this seriously lacks skin. Still more bad news, Sybil Danning is basically wasted with not much screen time, and very little to do. She is however boldly featured on the DVD cover. The plot revolves around an uneasy alliance and drug deal between cocaine producer, Paul L. Smith, and Mafia kingpin, John Vernon. Drop into this jungle stew, seven no talent actress beauties led by Nina van Palandt who suddenly morph into jungle warriors, and that about wraps up the bad. Now for the good. The final showdown between Paul L. Smith and one of Vernon's goons is quite brutal and was for me the highlight of what must be considered bad news cinema. - MERK

The Quick Pitch: A group of models headed to South America for a photoshoot are shot down while flying too low over a cocaine plantation. The women are imprisoned, tortured, and raped. They make their inevitable escape only to interrupt a high-level confab between the drug runners and the mafia. Much gunfire and bloodshed ensues.

Let me start this by saying that I'm usually a fan of WIP films - I love most of the stuff Pam Grier and Co were churning out in the 70s. Also, I realize that I watched a butchered version of Jungle Warriors. I know that lots of what most people call the good bits you find in a WIP were cut out. However, I'm not really sure any of the excised footage would change my opinion. Jungle Warriors is just too slow and predictable to be entertaining. I was bored out of my mind throughout most of the film. Throw in some pathetic acting, poor special effects, and lazy fight choreography and you end up with a real dud.

With that being said, one of the bigger issues I have with Jungle Warriors is the underutilization of Sybil Danning. When you watch a movie with Sybil Danning so prominently featured on the box/poster artwork, you want to see a movie with Sybil Danning. She's barely in the thing (at least my cut). And when she is, she really doesn't do much of anything.

As bad as the movie is, I did get a chuckle watching Paul L Smith do some serious running. I doubt he ever moved that fast in the rest of his entire life. Overall though, a real letdown from start to finish.

3/10

A cheap cross between women-in-prison thriller and jungle adventure, JUNGLE WARRIORS is notable for featuring a quite incredible all-star cast mired in B-movie hell. You get the likes of John Vernon, Marjoe Gortner, Sybil Danning, Paul Smith and Woody Strode appearing in what is essentially a girls-with-guns story beginning with capture, leading to torment, then escape, and finally catharsis. It's all very cheap and cheerful, and surprisingly quite silly despite the grim subject matter.