Heavenly Bodies

This extremely predictable romance tries to exploit the early-80s aerobics craze with an inane story about a plucky little aerobics studio from (literally) the wrong side of the tracks taking on the big, bad gym. Quite why an aerobics club which only seems to have about three staff and no exercise equipment whatsoever is regarded as a serious challenge by a well-equipped gym, I do not know. Attempts to put the club out of business result in an aerobics marathon, which is televised live, although several hours of non-stop aerobics hardly sounds like a ratings winner!

The simplistic plot comes across like a slightly racier version of a Walt Disney story and is mainly an excuse for endless scenes of attractive women jiggling up and down in tight leotards, accompanied by awful rock songs. Cynthia Rhodes is fit and attractive but a really terrible actress, with flat dialogue delivery. Her club must be doing all right though, since she can afford to buy an apparently limitless number of leotards.

I thought it was enjoyable. People are judging it a little harshly, I don't think it was meant to be Shakespeare exactly. It might have worked better as a t.v. movie, but still, I thought it was a fun little drama and got some smiles out of it. They could have used a little more variety in the soundtrack--I think we hear several repeats of about four songs--but it was capitalizing on the then-dawning workout craze, and that's what you might expect. They could have done some more character development. We should have seen some more conversations or in other ways gotten to know more about the characters. It really plays a lot like a workout tape itself, it's more about the club than the people...but it's not worse than some other movies which have gotten more praise.

Going nowhere in her desk job, cute single mom Cynthia Dale (as Samantha "Sam" Blair) decides to open an exercise club. She rents a warehouse and calls it "Heavenly Bodies". Romance shines on Ms. Dale in the form of blond football player Richard Rebiere (as Steve). When the fitness craze blankets North America, a TV station hires Dale to host an exercise show. She edges out cute blonde Laura Henry (as Debbie Martin), who works at a rival club. It's only a local TV show, but Ms. Henry is more than miffed. She decides to shut down "Heavenly Bodies", with help from her lover Walter George Alton (as Jack Pearson). When one lover says to the other, "I heard you got shortchanged between your legs," we have a fist-fight. It all climaxes with a "workout marathon" between the two fitness clubs. The winning team gets "Heavenly Bodies". Director Lawrence Dane generously shows off many well-proportioned young women jumping around the screen, in tight work-outfits. You might get dizzy watching them.

**** Heavenly Bodies (12/15/84) Lawrence Dane ~ Cynthia Dale, Richard Rebiere, Laura Henry, Walter George Alton

"Heavenly bodies" (1984) was Canada's answer to 1983's "Flashdance." Not that it's a rip-off, because the stories are totally different. In "Heavenly Bodies" three women decide to start a fitness club that specializes in aerobic with intentions of eventually purchasing the building they lease. When the building is bought out from under them by a competing fitness center, the main protagonist, Samantha Blair (Cynthia Dale), issues a challenge -- a dance-aerobics competition -- with the building as the prize.

Some have lambasted "Heavenly Bodies" as the "worst film ever made," "bad cinema" and "heavily campy," but actually none of these criticisms are true. Films should be evaluated according to what they aspire to be and, consequently, no genre is beyond redemption or beneath contempt. "Heavenly Bodies" never aspired to be "Ghandi" or "Out of Africa." It's a sports film focusing on aerobics for cryin' out loud. The question is: Does it deliver on that level? Yes, in spades.

What is required in a aerobics sports flick from 1984? Quality characters, heavenly bodies (sorry), energetic music, kinetic direction, a story that keeps your attention and a film that generally keeps your blood pumping, right? "Heavenly Bodies" scores well in all these areas. For instance, Cynthia Dale is a great protagonist for this type of flick; she's cute, winsome, sprightly and insanely curvaceous. Although Jennifer Beals was fine in "Flashdance," Cynthia easily surpasses her. And Cynthia is only one of the numerous shapely women featured throughout. There are guys too, of course, for those who care.

The criticisms that "Heavenly Bodies" is "bad cinema" and "heavily campy" are based solely on the fact that the film is from 1984 and involves aerobics. Aerobics was a fad that goes by different names today and the attire & hairstyles are naturally dated, which make the film an easy target for contempt. But this does not make it bad filmmaking or campy in the least. As far as "heavily campy" goes, there's nothing artlessly mannered or self-consciously artificial in the story or performances; and there's nothing remotely campy in the sense of, say, the 60's "Batman" TV series. The story and actors play it straight throughout. Do these critics even know what 'camp' is?

The film runs a short-and-sweet 90 minutes and was shot in Toronto.

FINAL WORD: Don't listen to those who rip on "Heavenly Bodies" as a bad, campy film. It's at least as good as "Flashdance" and IMHO far better. Cynthia Dale is a great protagonist with a charming presence, a well-rounded perfect figure and excellent dance/gymnastic skills, not to mention the myriad of other 'heavenly bodies' throughout. It also has energetic (albeit dated) music, solid characters, limited dialogue, flashy directing and an entertaining story. What more could you ask for in a film of this ilk?

Unfortunately the film is only available on VHS as of this writing.

GRADE: B+ or A-

I howled with laughter all the way through this silly, childish "Flashdance" rip-off. It's a definite contender to the list of "so bad, it's good" flicks, although it's probably too obscure to be widely known. The acting is pretty hideous and the script is packed with of some of the most unintentionally hilarious dialogue you'll hear anywhere. "Flashdance" had many of the same qualities, but this makes "Flashdance" look like high art in comparison!!

More laughs than the average comedy.