Bolero

I actually went to a midnight showing of "Bolero" the first Saturday it came out. I was with a bunch of friends from college. We thought, "the reviewers must be mad. How bad can a film with Bo Derek in it, be?"

This was bad. I'll sum this up by reporting the thing that has been in my mind about this film for the past 19 years.

There was scattered laughter coming from the theater throughout the showing. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing too at the slow dialogue, bad acting, etc. But around the 25 minute mark, a few people got up and walked out. This was happening all throughout the theater. Other folks were clapping when folks left. That WAS the most entertaining parts of this film.

I did sit through almost to the end the movie with my friends (which made the entire experience worth while) and we decided to go to the box-office to get our money back.

Too late. There was a new big RED sign hanging from the window that read:

"No Refunds"

I remember watching this movie at the theater when it came out. I laughed my butt off and embarrassed my husband. I think he threatened to move on several occasions. But the lady that sat in front of me was laughing just as hard. Some other idiotic scene would happen, the lady would look back at me, and we would both start laughing. Don't watch the movie expecting something erotic and you may actually enjoy it. I mean, come on guys, would you really want to make love to a woman after she rode a horse bare-back while naked? But the real kicker was when she finally found "the one" and the neon sign started flashing the word exstacy and no I didn't misspell that! I've heard of bells going off, but neon signs? If you watch it for the "camp" factor, you may actually enjoy it.

I don't know what to really make of this awkwardly flirtatious and odd Bo Derek starring vehicle presented by Cannon productions, which was directed / written by her husband John Derek. The film's racy tag-line reads "The Hottest Erotic Film Of The Century", but that's quite a stretch. This is what the feature wants to be, but however its becomes a laughably nonsensical romance story of sexual awakening that simply likes to focus on Derek's naïve character (in more than one way) in her quest to lose her virginity by travelling around the world in the 1920s. Searching far and wide for sexual fulfilment… well she only travels to two exotic places and finds the "ecstasy" she long desired by settling down with him in Spain. Although at first everything doesn't go entirely to plan. The boundless plot is rather dull, with only some bemusing sequences (milk and honey anybody or seduction by naked horseback riding?), risible dialogues ("That thing is going to work. I guarantee that") and the performances being the brightening spark. Outside of the irresistibly carefree Derek, you got the perky Ana Obregon, a feisty Oliva d'Abo and the causal air of George Kennedy. Quite a clumsy, camped-up soft-core romance fare.

"I had so many years of being so very proper. I had good-girl claustrophobia."

Bo Derek plays a college graduate who is also a virgin - and she's unconvincing on both counts. Yes, her belly-dancing scene is a highlight, but did she have to wear so much make-up all the time? The rest of the film is a plotless, worthless affair, but at least it doesn't take itself all that seriously; and it's this intentionally campy approach that keeps it at least semi-bearable. (**)

If you're looking for a well-scripted plot,believable characters, firm direction and seamless editing then Bolero is a strange film to see. I cannot believe that Bo Derek's character finds it impossible to lose her virginity anywhere but in Spain. The film itself lacks interesting plot and characters and most of the time is just plain boring. However, I suspect that just about everyone, myself included, who sees this film only sees it for one thing - The Body, and it does not disappoint. The lighting and camera work shows off Ms Derek's shape to best advantage although the end fantasy scene is spoilt by flashes of light.

I've given a rating of 3 for Bolero simply because The Body lifts it above 1. If you want to see Bo derek's body, watch this or Tarzan the Ape Man. If you want to watch anything else, watch something else.