Barbe d'or et les pirates

I just watched this again, 20+ years after seeing it on cable. I had the vaguest recollections of the movie, came here to see the cast, and thought it would be fun to watch.

It isn't.

The list of talent in this movie is amazing - but the results are boring. There was enough talent here to make this into Blazing Saddles of the Sea with the right script. But the script wasn't right. Sure, it has a plot. But just about everything in it is lackluster. There's so much talent wasted on lame jokes and premises that fizzle that it becomes sad to watch it all slip away.

Most of the jokes are obvious, and the rest are either pointless or so base as to be insulting to the people they have performing them.

As an example, there's a scene early in the film where Eric Idle heads to Lord Lambourn's estate. As he gets out of his carriage, the camera cuts to a pile of horse manure. Then we cut to him stepping in the horse manure the last shot showed us. Then he stands there and waits for his assistant to clean his shoes while he's still standing in the manure. That's it. End Joke.

Just seconds later, after he meets lord and lady lambourn, the camera cuts to a man about 15 feet away peeing on a hedge. Lady lambourn tells him to stop it. He runs away. She chases him. That's it. End Joke.

If either of those sound lame when they're written out, they're just as bad when you're watching them. The movie is filled with bits that could have been in any movie about any subject, but they just happened to be in this movie because someone thought they'd get a laugh. They do nothing to advance plot, characters, or even the next 5 seconds of screen time.

And if you're thinking of watching for the performances--they don't really manage to salvage anything. It feels like after a certain point everyone started going through the motions just to get the film in the can.

You may not agree with me, but I absolutely loved this movie. How often can you see this many stars in a movie involving royalty being raped? When you put together Monty Python members (who are excellent), many American comedians, pansies with maps on their scalps, a dirty prisoner who likes jail better than his ex, David Bowie as a human torture shark (with a 10 second cameo), Cheech and Chong, the father from Everybody Loves Raymond (and countless other CBS comedies), and many other amazing roles. I'm very sad to see that the only place you can get a hold of this tape except for waiting for 5 years for a request at Blockbuster (Yes, I requested it in 1995 and didn't receive the tape until 2002) or off of Amazon/E-Bay used (for no less than $35). Bascially, you can't beat Monty Python meets Cheech and Chong comedy.

Although Yellowbeard with all the Monty Python alumni cast in it, the film gets a lot of other comic talents from both sides of the pond. The only thing that seemed to be missing were some Carry On regulars. Even a most serious actor like James Mason gets into the spirit of it and ironically by playing his role most straight as the Royal Navy captain.

Graham Chapman is the notorious pirate Yellowbeard who was betrayed by his first mate Peter Boyle. But before that Chapman hid his treasure and was then captured by the Royal Navy where he's been in prison for many years.

In the meantime Yellowbeard may or may not have a son who would be Martin Hewitt. His mother has alternated between Yellowbeard being his father or Lord Peter Cook where Hewitt works as a gardener. Madeline Kahn who is the mother was a most generous lass when she was young.

Before long the entire cast is out on a treasure hunt. I count several films with pirate themes spoofed in this film. Even the Masterpiece Theater's First Churchills gets in the act with some brief but hilarious performances by Sussanah York as Sarah Churchill and Peter Bull as Queen Anne who has a flatulence problem.

Cheech and Chong are here as well as representatives of the Spanish Inquisition in the New World. Yellowbeard is a film with something in it for everyone.

Jack Sparrow would feel right at home with this bunch.

I have watched this film many times as a child and it is a favourite of mine. Rarely do we see Pirate romps that are the basis of comedies in the past decade, actually rarely do we 'Pirate' films in general these days.

If you're a fan of the Monty Python films then I recommend you see this film, it has schlock 80s British humour, but in general this is a fun film, and its even got enough action to keep you entertained for an hour and a bit! Also where else would you see so many great actors and classic comedians all in the one film- Graham Chapman, Marty Feldman, James Mason, Madeline Kahn, Peter Cook, Michael Hordern, Peter Boyle, John Cleese, Spike Milligan and Cheech and Chong! Yellowbeard is a classic comic 'Pirate' flick that probably represents a genre of comedy that was for its time. Nevertheless this is worth a look! ***1/2 out of *****!

With this cast and budget, should have been much more of a sustained laugh fest. Nevertheless, many of the lines and visuals are classics, and everyone aboard is such a pro that you can forgive the deader stretches. Marty Feldman does a lot with not much material, while Peter Cook's beyond-deadpan mutterings are frequently hilarious. Disappointing were Peter Boyle and Tommy Chong, the latter to the point of inducing nausea. Cheech Marin fares better, but only because his character is written with marginally more dimension. Loved David Bowie's cameo and Madeline Kahn's pluckiness. James Mason, however, looks vaguely uncomfortable (not to mention feeble) in his few scenes, which, sadly, do not contain any glittering gags.

All in all, you will definitely laugh, cringe, and yawn, but won't regret tuning in.