Jamais plus jamais

"Never Say Never Again", as everyone knows by now, was the second Bond film to be released in 1983, and was nearly as big a hit as "Octopussy" was (that film was still playing in some theaters when "Never Say Never Again" was released). Lacking the distinctive gun-barrel opening and famous Bond theme among other distinctive features of the EON franchise films, this lacks not only the feel of the EON Bond series, but of Fleming's work, leaving a seriously bloated mess of an American action thriller which happens to feature Bond as the lead character.

Why? That's the first question anybody should be asking about this film. A cynic (which I probably qualify as) would say 'for the cash', others might say it was just to get Connery back as Bond and give him a proper goodbye. Some might say it was in retaliation to the direction the Moore films were headed in, although "For Your Eyes Only" is a far superior and far less bloated film than this, so that argument doesn't quite work.

Of course, there's a lot to dislike here. Connery has moments of inspiration where he slips right back into character, but for most of the film he just looks really old and slightly ridiculous, which fits the plot but doesn't make his performance any less tired. Still, I'd argue that this is a better send-off for him as Bond than "Diamonds are Forever". Kim Basinger is a terrible Bond girl, and as much as I like Rowan Atkinson he shouldn't be anywhere near a Bond film. In addition, the villains here fall flat as well.

That said, "Never Say Never Again" is not a film I can hate, even if I wanted to (and I never want to hate anything), simply because little of it comes off as especially bad yet all of it comes off as flat, bland, and uninspired, and far, far too American for a Bond film. It's just sort of... there being the bloated, over-long, but not terrible film it is. I don't count it as a 'Bond film', as it doesn't feel remotely like one, but even just as an action thriller it doesn't quite work.

5/10

Never Say Never Again got its title because Sean Connery had said in the 1970s (shortly after Diamonds Are Forever) that he would "never" do another Bond film. However, in 1983 he was persuaded to return to the role for a one-off special, a remake of his fourth entry Thunderball, and his wife rather humorously said to him that in the future he should make a point never to say never again. This film actually came out close to a Roger Moore entry in the series (Octopussy), and although Connery had more admirers as 007 than Moore, it was surprisingly Octopussy that scored a bigger box office hit.

Connery's Bond is older and more vulnerable than we remember him. His boss, M, doesn't hold him in very high regard and actually suggests that he take some time off in a plush health spa. During his time here, Bond uncovers a strange plot and the further he delves into the mystery the more he discovers. It seems that his old adversaries SPECTRE, fronted by the nefarious Blofeld (Max Von Sydow) have stolen two nuclear warheads which they will detonate if they are not paid an extortionate ransom. Chief overseer of this hideous plan is Emile Largo (Klaus Maria Brandeur), and Bond pursues Largo around the globe in an attempt to stop him, visiting such places as Monte Carlo and North Africa during the course of the mission.

The music by Michel Legrand is poor by series standards. It sounds rather similar to his music for the sleazy 1981 movie Your Ticket Is No Longer Valid, and is really ill-suited to this Bond production. However, in terms of villains, they've come with a couple of great ones for this film. Largo, as personified by Brandeur, is smooth but deadly, and hench-woman Fatima Blush (Barbara Carrera) is uncommonly disturbing. Rowan Atkinson also has a fairly good role as a dim-witted agent assigned to "help" Bond. The big action sequences are quite good, especially the horse chase around the North African sea-fortress and the motorbike chase, although some of the underwater moments are tough to understand because it's hard to figure out who is who behind the diving masks.

The year 1983 saw a strange phenomenon; two rival Bond films. "Octopussy", starring Roger Moore, was part of the official Cubby Broccoli Bond franchise. "Never Say Never Again", made by a rival producer, is, apart from the awful "Casino Royale", the only Bond movie which does not form part of that franchise. Its big attraction was that it brought back the original Bond, Sean Connery; its title reputedly derived from Connery's remark after "Diamonds Are Forever" that he would never again play the role. Some have complained that Connery was, at 53, too old for the role, but he was in fact three years younger than his successor Moore, who not only made "Octopussy" in the same year but went on to make one further Bond film, "A View to a Kill", two years later.

The film owes its existence to the settlement of a lawsuit about the film rights to Ian Fleming's work. It is perhaps unfortunate that the terms of the settlement included a clause that the new film had to be a remake of "Thunderball", as that was perhaps not the greatest of the Connery Bonds. (A remake of "Dr No" or "Goldfinger" might have worked better). The plot is much the same as that of the earlier film; the terrorist organisation SPECTRE, acting together with a megalomaniac tycoon named Largo, have stolen two American nuclear warheads and are attempting to hold the world's governments to ransom by threatening to detonate them unless they receive a vast sum of money. It falls to Bond, of course, to save the world by tracking down the missing missiles.

The film is fortunate in that it has not just one but two of the most beautiful Bond girls of all, Barbara Carrera as the seductive but lethal Fatima Blush and Kim Basinger as Largo's girlfriend Domino who defects to Bond's side after learning of her lover's evil plans. A number of the Bond films have a plot that hangs upon the hero's ability to win over the villain's mistress or female accomplice- there are similar developments, for example, in "Goldfinger", "Live and Let Die" and "The Living Daylights". In the official series, Bond's ally is normally regarded as the female lead, but here Carrera, playing the villainess, is billed above Basinger, who was a relatively unknown actress at the time. Basinger, of course, has gone on to become one of Hollywood's biggest stars, whereas Carrera is one of a number of Bond girls who have somewhat faded from view.

Of the villains, Max von Sydow makes an effective Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE, but Klaus Maria Brandauer seemed too bland and nonthreatening as Largo, except perhaps during the "Domination" game, a more sophisticated variant on those violent computer games such as "Space Invaders" that were so popular in the early eighties. Brandauer can be an excellent actor in his native German, in films such as "Mephisto" and "Oberst Redl", but he does not comes across so expressively in English.

One of the film's features is that it both follows the normal Bond formula and, at times, departs from it. There is the standard world-in-peril plot, chase sequences, a series of exotic locations, glamorous women, sinister villains and a specially written theme song based on the film's title. There is, however, no extended pre-credits sequence, and we see some familiar characters in a new light. For example, Bond's boss M becomes a languid, supercilious aristocrat, his American colleague Felix Leiter is shown as black for the only time, and the scientist Q is portrayed by Alec McCowen as a disillusioned cynic with (despite his characteristically upper-class Christian name of Algernon) a distinctly working-class accent. There is also an amusing cameo from Rowan Atkinson as a bumbling British diplomat. Although Connery was perhaps not quite a good here as he was in some of his earlier films in the role, this ringing the changes on the familiar theme makes this one of the more memorable Bonds. 7/10

A goof. Rowan Atkinson's character states that he is from the British Embassy in Nassau. As, however, the Bahamas is a Commonwealth country, Britain would have a High Commission in its capital, not an Embassy.

Yes, it's Sean Connery playing Bond again, looking more alive and into his part than any time since the first time they made this film, in 1965 when it was called "Thunderball". But the tongue is so firmly in cheek one wonders if Connery isn't employing a few observed tricks from his friend and more humorous successor, Roger Moore.

Moore is my favorite Bond, but Connery makes a strong case for himself in this unusual outing. The only serious Bond film not made under the aegis of the classic Eon Bond series, "Never Say Never Again" is an irreverent return to the well. Soft on action, it's nevertheless strong on character and clever dialogue.

Bond, it's made clear right away, is a man in disfavor. No matter how many times he has saved the world, his new boss thinks little of his fat lifestyle. "Too many free radicals, that's your problem...Caused by eating too much red meat, white bread, too many martinis." "Then I shall cut out the white bread, sir," Bond smartly replies.

An early fight sequence in a spa represents the movie's high point action-wise, with Bond and an attacker fighting their way through a kitchen, a bedroom, and a laboratory before Bond finally douses his opponent, ironically with no small help from those free radicals. Humor is liberally applied in the film, rather more cleverly than most of Moore's outings, though Connery seems to be having more fun sending himself up as a result of Moore's less egotistic example.

Was it because he was making a good chunk of the gross? Or was it working for less stingy producers? Whatever it is, the screenplay serves his laid-back style well, and the result is richer and more entertaining than Connery's prior two Eon Bond outings, "You Only Live Twice" and "Diamonds Are Forever".

The 1980s were not a good decade for Bond, whether it was Connery, Moore, or Timothy Dalton. Leg warmers, video games, and ugly sports cars are all in evidence, and the Bianca Jagger sunglasses Klaus Maria Brandauer is seen wearing in his first scene do him no favors. Forget first impressions. Brandauer's role as the chief villain, Maximilian Largo, is one of the best in any Bond film, with Brandauer enjoyably playing up his character's menace and mania. At one point, he allows Bond free roam of his situation room, with a martini to boot, and his dancing eyes and mad, engaging grin make for compelling company throughout.

The best thing in this film, other than Connery, are the Bond girls, shot with more attention to personality than normal in Bond films, a testament to cinematographer Douglas Slocombe and director Irvin Kirshner. Barbara Carrera was nominated for a Golden Globe for her role as the villainess Fatima Blush, every bit as crazy as Largo and even nicer to look at. She doesn't last the whole movie; you almost need her gone in order to focus on the others.

Kim Basinger's breasts and buttocks should have had their own agents for the screen time they get in this film, but I'm not complaining. Basinger's a rare beauty who in this early role as Largo's mistress mixes incredible hotitude with a childlike vulnerability that brings out the Bond in me, and many others I suspect. (Her lips and cheekbones are pretty sweet, too.)

It's not a well-constructed film. It's a knockoff of a better Bond movie with a sloppy storyline, a terrible score, and a flat ending. But it does have Connery, proving his was the definitive take on cinema's definitive secret agent, even if he steals a page or two from my 007, Mr. Moore. The end result is entertaining enough, so I'm not complaining.

MASTER PLAN: blackmail the world after stealing two nuclear warheads. Haven't we heard this plan before? Yes, in "Thunderball"(65). And, wow, two Bond films in the same year (the other was "Octopussy") - what can it mean? This is now a curiosity in the Bond film series (and not a part of the canon series), an anomaly, an oddity, a film stemming from the real-life battles between Eon Productions and their nemesis, producer McClory, who won rights to remake the earlier film. It probably would have been better if he'd succeeded earlier - say, around 1976 or so; as it is, Connery, who managed to equal Roger Moore's number of Bond portrayals with this film, is a full dozen years older since his previous Bonder "Diamonds Are Forever," and it shows. This isn't really a parody, like "Casino Royale" from 1967, though there are some too-cute moments, right up to the conclusion, a freeze-frame of Bond winking at us. There are also elements of a weird re-start, such as the first scene with Bond and M, who mentions he is new to the position, much like the Bond & female M scene in "GoldenEye." In this version, M (Fox) is still male, though he's a stuffy high-strung bureaucrat, opposed to double-0 agents, and looks a bit younger than Bond. This is a bit strange to take in, just on its own. Q is played by one of the best British actors, McCowen, so his scenes have a nice flair, though he has a silly name, Algernon.

There's no teaser sequence or fancy credits such as we're used to - in fact, the beginning is so mundane, it's as if we're watching a typically substandard seventies thriller, with a wretched song and an awful score. Many of the early scenes are perfunctory; in other words, they're presented as the stuff we're used to seeing in a Bond film (Bond shoots bad guys, Bond is eyed by the ladies, Bond is menaced by sharks), but without the style and panache of the regular film series. As in "Thunderball," Bond is sent to a health spa early in the film. In an early action scene, he's attacked by a brawny assassin/henchman in the 'Oddjob/Jaws' mold who seems unstoppable, and things appear to be picking up, until he's stopped by a silly gag. I admit I did laugh when I saw this in the theater way back when - but I don't nowadays. I also get the impression of a conspiracy by the producer to throw in some banal stuff amid the standard spy action, not helped any by what seems like in-joking involving Bond's aging hero bit, including M's comically shrill disapproval. It mirrors the problem with Moore in his last couple of Bonders, where the audience is laughing at the hero - undesirable conditions for a Bonder. Things seem to improve again in the middle half, as much of the action here is dominated by the female villain, Blush (actress Carrera in her best role). She exults in her performance as the persistent killer with some odd sexual preoccupations, anticipating the much later lethal ladies such as Onatopp in "GoldenEye."

But, the best performance is by Brandauer as the main villain, Largo - a much different Largo than the one in "Thunderball." He's almost on another, superior level from the rest of the cast, suggesting insanity better than most other Bond villains, somewhat effeminate in some of his gestures, but also magnetic when sparring with Bond, especially in their memorably electrifying video game duel, a bizarre yet entrancing confrontation. Von Sydow, always good, has a much briefer role as famous uber-villain Blofeld, staying behind the scenes for most of the movie. Basinger as Domino the Bond girl is, unfortunately, similar to many of the Bond girls of that period: nice to look at, but usually helpless and kind of an airhead, though she demonstrates fear convincingly. Connery, looking his age (early fifties), goes through the motions here, but hey, it's still Connery as Bond; he can do this kind of thing in his sleep (which he nearly does) and is always watchable, with that easy charisma. The pace is actually pretty good for awhile up until the climactic shoot-out, in spite of some cheap production values. The finale, underwater with Largo, is murky stuff, with no tension, as if the filmmakers just gave up by this point and wanted to get it over with. We kind of forget what the threat is about half-an-hour before the end. Oh, and, Atkinson is his small role is abominable, like nails on chalkboard. Connery would not return. Bond:7 Villain:9 Femme Fatales:5 Henchwoman/men:8 Leiter:6 Fights:5 Stunts/Chases:6 Gadgets:4 Auto:5 Locations:6 Pace:6 overall:6