Gunan il guerriero

Sometime during the 80s, did someone market a computer program that spits out scripts for barbarian movies at random? This one is exceptionally bad (plastic weapons bend during fight scenes, fight scenes look like pro-wrestling matches, plus a load of stock footage mixed in), but I had to give it a 6, fans of the "horribly bad" movie genre will get a kick out of it.

Gunan (Peter McCoy) and his brother (Giovanni Cianfriglia) are raised by a tribe of amazons. It is prophesied that one day, Gunan shall free the land from the evil warlord Nuriak (Emil Messina), however the first time Gunan meets his enemy, he wastes so much time talking to Nuriak that the bad guy can summon help. This never would have happened to Arnie. Anyway, while Gunan recovers from this failure, he falls in love with stunning blonde Lenna (Sabrina Siani). When Lenna becomes a captive of Nuriak, a second attempt to fulfill the prophecy is due... and this time, Gunan is really angry.

Difficult to vote for this one, as it is on one hand one of the poorest productions in the genre I've ever seen, on the other hand it is so funny sometimes! Gunan's enemies die without a drip of blood when he hits them slowly with the flat side of his sword. And then there is one extra eye-candy star for Sabrina Siani. "Gunan" director Franco Prosperi was producer of her previous movie "Mondo Cannibal" which looks like a masterpiece compared to this mess, though.

"Gunan Il Guerriero" is typical picture you see in your video store and think "well, what the hell could be that?" Italy is very known for copying sucessful ideas and well-known films and making awful and stupid sub-products like this but, at last "Gunan" is the kind of film you can laugh and laugh with their actors(?, actresses (?!) and FX (!!): Gunan and his brother (called Gunan, too) are two stone-faces, Gunan´s girlfriend character is only for be nude everytime and fights are... are... well, you must see it for understanding. I have no words.

While at the video store a while back, my friend and I stumbled across this gem. And man, is it terrible. This is probably the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's so darn funny.

As you can see from the other user comments posted, this movie is chock full of awful stuff. Obviously, the English dub is horrible, but it's to be expected from a film of this ilk. Even worse are the endless voice-overs at the beginning and ending of the movie. The action scene's are some of the funniest you'll ever see, given that they're all done entirely in slow motion (Watch for the crushing "death blow" Gunan gives at one point where he simply slaps his foe across the back with his sword).

My friend and I believe that the film had to have been directed by two different people, given the drastically different first and second halves of the movie. In the first half, we see the competition between Gunan and his brother to see who is the most "invincible" of the barbarians. Suddenly, the movie turns into Lenne running around topless for the rest of the film, with some strange subplot about a tribe of female warriors which turns into the main battle scene and climax and whatever other garbage the "second" director wanted to toss in. You be the judge.

This movie had me perplexed at first. You'd think the script was written by a 9 year-old boy in the 70's. The writer, who was 61 years old at the time, managed to re-create a generic fantasy that was at least partly shared by every heterosexual preadolescent male nearing adolescence (6-9 year-olds) on Earth.

Don't you remember playing with your buddies and you did a jump? That jump meant something. That jump told everyone that you meant business and you were a terrible force to reckon with. That's why Gunan is always running and jumping and every single jump is in slow motion with epic music playing. That's how boys play make-believe. Actually, that's also how kittens and puppies play make-believe as well.

Do you remember how you imagined things on some nights? You were forced to touch the beautiful girl, or she was forced to touch you. You may have struggled and resisted, but you were so glad it happened. How long is the scene where Gunan and the girl holding hands and walking? It felt like 10 straight minutes. No dialog, just dreamy music while the two walked through a meadow holding hands and smiling. That was practically porn when you were 7 and you know it.

Watch it one more time, and try to remember... I can't remember ever seeing a movie that came so close to mirroring how we played make-believe as young boys. It's a shame that people missed the genius of it.