The Swiss Conspiracy

David Janssen is an ex-U.S. treasury agent who finds himself involved in "The Swiss Conspiracy," a 1976 film that boasts a large array of old stars and actors: John Ireland, Ray Milland, Elke Sommer, John Saxon and Curt Lowens, plus the beautiful Senta Berger and a European cast. Janssen is David Christopher, who is asked to help a Swiss bank whose clients are being blackmailed with exposure of their numbered accounts. The stakes get higher when two of the victims are killed.

Words fail me but I'll go on anyway. First of all, this movie looks like it was transferred to DVD illegally - it even skips at one point with Janssen mouthing non-existent dialogue. The quality of the film is very grainy, and it looks like the movie was cut, too.

The film was made 5 years before David Janssen died, and he looks like he's going to succumb either during the film or the day after it wraps. If there was ever a tired, worn out actor, he's it. Ray Milland also looks to be at death's door. Did Bela Lugosi's makeup man do the makeup for this, or did they just go straight to a mortician? John Saxon turns in one of the worst performances I've ever seen, and that's saying something - I've seen Sonny Tufts in movies. An embarrassment of a New York accent to go with an awful performance.

The story isn't bad but by the time the movie is over, you're past caring. The scenery is gorgeous, however. There is one hilarious moment. One of the characters falls off of a huge cliff. Well, obviously, they used a dummy. When it hit the ground it bounced into the air - WAY into the air before landing someplace else. What I like best is that they left it in the movie. It made it almost worth watching.

Possibly this was made for television though for what country, I don't know. Maybe they dubbed it and it was shown in Europe. It really looks made on the cheap and like these actors worked for lunch and a cot.

On the surface, "The Swiss Conspiracy" seems to have a lot going for it. It has a good cast (including David Janssen, John Saxon, John Ireland, and Ray Milland.) It was also completely filmed in Switzerland, a country you don't often see in a movie. Also, the plot, concerning the secretive world of Swiss bank, seems fresher than usual. Unfortunately, the end results simply don't work. The movie is extremely talky, with precious little action to enliven things up. What little action there is is also not that well constructed, coming across as humdrum as those talky parts. And while the cast may be made of professionals, the performances aren't that interesting - maybe the actors sensed they were in a bomb and decided not to make any effort. About all the movie has going for it are some scenic Swiss locations.

Swiss Conspiracy opens with a screen of text, explaining that Switzerland has always been the perfect place for people to stash their money, acquired legally or not. How ironic it is that as I am watching this in July 2008, the State Department in Washington DC is formally requesting that the larger Swiss banks provide banking records to the IRS and to the Dept of Homeland Security here in the US. Swiss Conspiracy stars David Janssen, probably best known as the "Fugitive" and "Harry O" and Ray Milland ( Lost Weekend, and all those black & white movies from the 1930s and 1940s). Costars John Ireland, Elke Sommer, John Saxon, and a whole mess of bit parts. Janssen, as David Christopher, must figure out to keep the bank's clients from having their names and secrets exposed by a blackmailer. Has some cussing and violence, including a shoot- em- up right from the beginning scenes. No real big surprises in this one, but its an interesting What-If ... especially now that the U.S. is cracking down on its citizens moving money overseas. An hour and a half well spent. and some interesting photography of Switzerland to boot. Could have done without the silly "Sloop John B" euro re-make, which plays while Christopher is waiting for Denise to get dressed.

As a devotee of movies about intrigues, conspiracies and white-collar crimes that turn ugly, I was predisposed to like any story set in the glamorous-but-devious world of Swiss banking. And I like John Saxon.

But with very bad sound, clumsy credits, actors not interacting, corny music, a confusing plot (though I guessed the bad guy right away), a subplot more about middle-aged lust than romance, literal-minded camera work and a script so full of cliches there was no room for anything original, I had to give it a 3.

If you like skiing see "On Her Majesty's Secret Service". If you like bank fraud see "Shawshank Redemption". If you like conspiracies, see "Parallax View". If you like untrustworthy older people having sex, see the remake of "The Thomas Crown Affair". And if you want to see all of these in one movie, this is not the one.

I think the makers of this film were trying to make some sort of cross between the plot of a Bond movie and the style of "The French Connection". If you like car chases, you should see it.

"The French Connection", I mean.

This movie was paced so slowly that even snails would be saying "Hello, I'd like to get there sometime today!" The best part of the movie is where this chef in a restaurant goes after someone with a cleaver. After that it goes downhill from there. So yeah, there's a conspiracy to forward the cause of bad films everywhere. I had to watch the ending a couple of times because I kept nodding off. If you are suffering from insomnia, pop this movie in and start watching it. It worked so well,that I almost got fired for sleeping on the job. If you want to see a better movie starring David Janssen, go watch Moon of the Wolf. In fact, the only reason I saw this movie was because it was on a DVD with Moon of the Wolf. It was in a bargain bin at a Walgreens near where I work. The sticker price was one dollar. It was one of those DVD's that are out there that are packaged in one of those slim jewel cases, and the DVD is double sided (a movie on both sides). Although I was surprised to see that Ray Milland starred in this movie. If you want to see a Ray Milland movie that's better, go watch Frogs. It has him and Sam Elliot.