Criminally Insane

CRIMINALLY INSANE (aka: CRAZY FAT ETHEL) stars the inimitable Priscilla Alden as Ethel Janowski, a rather rotund woman who is released from a mental hospital. Ethel is advised to drop a few pounds, which results in her consuming mass quantities of food, like whole packages of bacon and a loaf of bread with her dozen eggs for breakfast.

Ethel's nagging grandmother attempts to get her to "watch her figure". Ethel ponders this, while eating boxes of vanilla wafers. When granny locks up the food, Ethel takes offense, and takes out her frustration on granny with a big knife.

So begins Ethel's spiral into the abyss of hunger-driven, homicidal frenzy. As the bodies pile up, Ethel's madness explodes exponentially, while she eats and eats and eats.

The cheap, non-produced, barely-directed appearance of the film adds to its effectiveness. Ms. Alden plays her role with utter seriousness and conviction, making Ethel seem like more than the stereotypical lunatic. Even when she's polishing off a stack of sweet rolls or devouring an entire gallon of chocolate ice cream!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The character named John (Robert Copple), one of the most heinous jerks in schlock movie history! Bravo!

P.S.- Watch for George "Buck" Flower as the halfhearted police detective...

Vile, crude, disgusting, hideous, degrading, nonsensical: "Criminally Insane" (AKA "Crazy Fat Ethel". Seriously.) is a movie that just has it all. It's a bewildering exercise in bad taste, merely watching it makes you feel like you desperately need to take a shower. Furthermore, it has the unique ability to make everything some people hate about Z-grade schlock into a merit. Just take the film stock this movie is shot on, for example. It looks like someone was embalmed in it, but that's exactly how you want it to look. Forget about the pretty colors and high definition, this right here is what it's all about. The actors also add a lot to the general uncomfortable atmosphere: Priscilla Alden is great as the deadpan lead, but the bit characters are actually just as good. The spineless Sarah Jessica Parker-faced sister who just for the hell of it is also a prostitute, her abusive make-up wearing boyfriend/pimp, the random drunk dude (a sadly brief cameo), the shock therapist, the oddball police inspector, you don't want any of these people living next door. Oh, and then there's the dialogue. This script is so full of gems that it's hard to keep up, can humor get any darker than this? I don't know how "Criminally Insane" was ever intended, but the finished product is incredibly awesome. Dig it up if you can, it's totally worth it.

Made in 1973 but not released until a couple of years later, CRIMINALLY INSANE is probably the most famous movie made and released by IRMI Films of Pacifica, California. The film stars Bay Area actress Priscilla Alden as Ethel Janowski, an immensely obese misanthrope who is prematurely released from a mental institution and sent to live with her grandmother. Ethel's insatiable appetite for food causes problems for her grandmother, who promptly restricts her granddaughter's feeding habits. Big mistake! Ethel does away with granny and any other visitor that enters the house. Unforgettable ending.

This is probably the cheapest film I've ever seen (and believe me, I know cheap): the entire film has a grainy "home movie" quality, the music sounds like two musicians constantly tuning their instruments, negative printing is used for a dream sequence, and the acting is pitiful, except Alden, who gives a wonderfully demented and memorable performance as Ethel. This picture is extremely pathetic and even though I've never had the nerve to tell anyone else that I own the film (much less played it for anyone), I still find it very compelling viewing. There's some "other worldly" quality to it that makes it quite unique (and satisfying, if you've got really low standards like me). Don't say you weren't warned!

The exact same cast and crew returned for CRAZY FAT ETHEL II, and a loosely related film called DEATH NURSE (both released in 1987 and both starring Alden).

Barely an hour long, this has got to be one of the worst horror films of the 70s. Ethel is fat, crazy and hungry for blood in this dreary minimalist gore film. The cast is made up of some of the ugliest people in recent memory, the classical/experimental music score is annoying and of course the acting is atrociously BAD!! Millard's "directing" is completely devoid of style and/or talent, except for an entertaining nightmare sequence where Ethel chops up a bloody mannequin while director Millard indulges in using negative image effects. The blood does flow freely but is way below the standard of your average H.G. Lewis film. If you can make it through this movie try watching the sequel. It's twice as bad as this!!!

This movie is funny for all the wrong reasons - the horrible acting, the lamentable special effects, the bizarre music, and the $.57 budget. However, if you're in the mood for something a little, uh, offbeat and darkly comic, watch this. I have honestly never seen anything funnier than "Criminally Insane" and I would recommend it for anybody who likes the weird, cheap, and hysterical.