Confessions d'un laveur de carreaux

Despite preconceptions, it's not vulgar, coarse or offensive. If you can accept the fact that it's actually meant to be cheap tacky rubbish you might find this mildly entertaining.

Robin Askwith gave hope to every clueless, ugly spotty teenager that had no idea whatsoever about girls. He showed that even the most hopeless case could have countless sexual adventures.....just by becoming a window cleaner. George Formby never extolled the perks of this career like this!

You know that as soon as each sexy girl first makes her appearance, within three to four minutes she'll have lost her clothes and a minute later will be getting physical with young Mr Askwith. Yes, it is super-tacky but since it's all done for laughs it's not what you could call dirty or smutty. You wouldn't call it tasteful but it's a lot more innocent than you think.

Another thing this isn't is funny. Even if you were a 17 lad in 1974 you probably wouldn't have laughed either but it is watchable and once you've started watching it, you'll want to stick with it until the end....and not just because of the promise of more naked ladies!

The case against this movie hardly needs to be restated. Clunking, crass, monotonously unfunny, it's the sort of film that gives sexism a bad name.

And yet, for those who grew up in England in the early 70s, Confessions of A Window Cleaner is horribly evocative. The endless shots of tacky, dismal streets; the unwelcoming, tawdry interiors; the overwhelming sense of an exhausted gene pool; yep, that's what it was like. The film has some of the impact (though none of the accomplishment) of the photographs of Tony Ray-Jones, and promotes a similar melancholy.

Then there's Robin Askwith, who despite the various old troupers is the best thing in the movie. Granted, he wasn't everyone's idea of a sex god, and here he's at the mercy of a dire screenplay, but he gives it everything he's got. Looking and acting younger than his years, and with a cocky animality that no amount of boxy denim can mask, he sums up one particular breed of 70s boy, spunky, clueless, candid, vital, uncrushable. He looks great in his nude scenes, taut and doggy - there are moments of real beauty which belong in a better film. His sheer physical presence makes this awful picture almost worth watching.

CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER has a lot to answer for. On release in 1974, it helped usher in a new wave of low budget British sex comedies, not least the three sequels that followed this. That's because it was inordinately successful, helping to destroy the CARRY ON films at the box office (only two more were made, each trying to copy this film's formula). Seen today, it's a rather twee, somewhat amusing, and completely dated little movie more embarrassing than it is funny. It's a simple, laboured exploration of British values of the '70s, bearing comparison to the likes of MAN ABOUT THE HOUSE and the TV series it most resembles, ON THE BUSES. The jokes are silly and full of the innuendo that made ARE YOU BEING SERVED? equally successful and the shooting style is low rent and down to earth. This was a film that working class folk could readily identify with.

Speaking of identification, Robin Askwith makes for a perfect 'hero'. He's young, somewhat stupid, quick to laugh at himself and not especially good looking; watching him score with numerous beautiful women must have been like a fantasy come true for all the British lads watching and wishing they were in a similar situation. I wonder how many became window cleaners after seeing the fantasies played out here? And what a supporting cast! There's Anthony Booth, future father-in-law of British prime minister Tony Blair; there's Bill Maynard, later a lovable fixture on TV and radio. Linda Hayden (BLOOD ON SATAN'S CLAW) is ravishing as usual, and even the likes of Sam Kydd and John Le Mesurier pop up to lend the movie some much-needed gravitas.

What I liked most is that this is far from a plot less string of sexual encounters. It has story, plain and simple, and the last third of the film goes off in a completely different direction as Askwith readies himself to be married. Okay, so there is a lot of sex and nudity in the film, and there are lots of attractive women attractively undressed, but this is sex of the saucy slap 'n' tickle variety, the quintessential British seaside postcard come to life. It's one step further than the CARRY ONs ever went, but it's never sleazy or sordid. It makes you laugh. CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER is far from classic, but it does paint a nice picture of the whys and wherefores of Britain in the mid-'70s and it has its own small place in the film industry's history.

Most Brits will tell you that the "Confessions of" series of the 1970's sex comedies was not nearly as good as the more famous "Carry on" series, but if you're non-British and are more interested in sex and nudity than British humor (which might be an oxymoron) and seeing a lot of middle-aged Ealing Street comedians who you probably won't recognize anyway, the "Confessions of" series is the way to go. The main star here is Robin Askwith who was a dead ringer for Mick Jagger, and who probably logged more on-screen nudity than any male actor in the history of cinema. Here Askwith plays a young man, "Timmy Lea" (his character unfortunately has his own theme song), who lives with his larcenous father, his oblivious mother, his very pregnant older sister, and his philandering brother-in-law. He goes to work for the brother-in-law as a window cleaner, and. . .well, that's basically the plot.

I once worked briefly as a window cleaner, and although I don't really look too much like Mick Jagger, the experience was NOTHING like this. Apparently, a lot of beautiful women in England just wait around all day for the window cleaner to show up, so they can exhibit themselves to him and/or take him to bed. (Of course, it's also possible this movie isn't entirely realistic--hmmmm). Whatever the case, this makes for plenty of opportunity to see a number of naked "dolly birds" including, most notably, Linda Hayden and Katya Wyeth, both of whom appeared in Hammer films and other British movies much better than this one. But be warned also--all of these women put together don't spend as much screen time naked as Askwith himself does.

What I liked about this movie especially though was the end. American sex comedies always have the male protagonist acting irresponsibly promiscuous throughout most of the movie, but then falling in love with the girl of his dreams at the end (this might be called "eating your cake and having it to"). This movie does have a "dream girl" in the form of Linda Hayden (OK, she's more of a "wet dream girl"), but it takes a different turn at the end, which some would call cynical, but I personally found pretty realistic, and sweet as opposed to saccharine. The movie is also genuinely funny in places, not so much in the silly sex scenes, but in the scenes at home with the protagonist's oddball family.

You're probably unlikely to find this movie outside of the UK or Ireland, but it does have some appeal even for non-Brits like myself.

Timothy Lea gets a job with his brother-in-law Sid. Timothy is willing but not very capable. However, he does have a knack for finding beautiful, scantily clad ladies who require more than just a nice shine on their bays.

The first of the 'Confessions' films is exactly what you'd expect: cheeky postcard humor, cheeky music, flying bras, female nudity galore, and a couple of chuckles.

I don't think the franchise deserves its toilet reputation; they really are a snapshot of 1970s Britain. Personally, I don't think they're a patch on the Carry On films, but they're watchable. I really do understand why some people hate them, it's not the kind of film you'd want to watch in polite company.

The washing-up liquid scene always makes me chuckle. Why did she need such a huge pack of it? I've always wondered. I love that Robin Askwith is still going strong. I really enjoy seeing him in the Madame Blanc mysteries; I think it's fair to say his acting improved with age.

There is such a good cast here, including Dandy Nichols, Bill Maynard, and John Le Mesurier; they do a decent job, but all are generally wasted.

5/10.