Monster

I could barely keep myself from either nodding off or just turning off this turd, but I decided to stick it out if only for the reasoning that maybe *something* would happen. This is the work of a writer/producer/director/special fx, Kenneth Herts, who wants to make a statement on ecological damage while making a monster movie. That's what he wanted, anyway. What it turns out to be is a lot of acting, either slightly hammy or just mundane and without much merit, and scenes that seem to repeat themselves as the monster ATTACKS in the river waters (oh, and what luck, a woman just happens to be naked in it... even though there have already been DISAPPEARANCES!)

This is just nonsensical stuff, but I suppose it's not too harmful; it's not very obnoxious at the least and once or twice we get a semi-interesting peek at Brazilian "culture" (which is the father walking through town with his flock or other pieces of a semblance of 'hey, this is NOT America!'). But whatever hope the director had in casting Mitchum or Carradine is squandered on at best pedestrian and at worst excruciatingly banal and dumb dialog. It doesn't help that when we finally get something of a good look at the monster and the "action" happens, it too is stupidly staged and with only sleazy appeal. Usually I would feel sorry for a filmmaker who had a lot of problems getting a particular picture finished- in this case it took the better part of the mid 70s- but with Monstroid or Monster or whatever it's called... nah.

If you happen to get the Elvira DVD double-feature of this (bad print with bad transfer quality) with Blue Sunshine, make sure to skip this one. Unless, of course, you're an Elvira die-hard and can't help yourself to hear her luscious commentary; personally, I'd rather get Joel or Mike Nelson with the robots from Mystery Science Theater on this roast turkey.

I saw Monstroid yesterday, but now I can hardly remember it. That's rarely a good sign, especially since I wasn't even drunk while watching it. It seems that initial filming took place some time before the bulk of the film but was postponed by various problems before the producers decided to take another stab at it. They shouldn't really have bothered, because Monstroid pretty much stinks, its greatest achievement being that it just about manages to rise above totally tedious. The plot is a standard affair of pollution in a lake resulting in a monster that eats a couple of people, with added edge of corporate guilt and native superstition. It could have been an interesting culture clash, management fish out of water getting to grips with a populace ambivalent towards their work (in this case its a cement factory) and the possibility of being responsible for far worse things than they imagined but predictably enough no tension of this kind is present, nor indeed is any tension of any other kind. Characters drift across the screen like dead leaves in a dull draft, they talk and talk but nothing of interest comes out, they relate in uninteresting ways and advance the plot in uninteresting ways, and since the plot isn't interesting to begin with it makes the whole thing even more of a drag. Things aren't completely terrible though, the actors show a fair level of commitment and there's a nice amount of local colour as well as good scenery. John Carradine plays a local priest with a nice level of righteous fire, his scenes are all kinds of tacky fun, while Jim Mitchum and Anthony Eisley put in some effort as goodies, both are pretty colorless but there's at least the scent of effort there and they come across well enough. There are some fairly attractive women at times as well, though no nudity which totally sucks as an f bomb tirade by one of the characters shows that this clearly wasn't intended as a PG joint, and there isn't any gore so nudity was really the main thing that could have saved the film. I kinda liked the monster as well, it doesn't get a lot of screen time but its a fun Nessie style creation and in one scene it even has hands which gets a thumbs up from me. But on the whole this one is pretty gash and I wouldn't recommend it except to crap movie completists like myself.

Monster is a mind numbingly awful movie about an evil American concrete factory (are there any else in Hollywood?) polluting the waters of the small Colombian town of Chimayo somehow creating a catfish-like beast with a predilection for lamb and loose women. James Mitchum is Bill Travis the man who is sent down to Chimayo by his foul-mouthed boss Barnes who himself can't keep his hands off of his secretary's rear to get to the bottom (pun intended) of the story. While in Chimayo Bill must contend with an annoying reporter who apparently broadcasts all of her stories in perfect English directly back to America. I guess in the seventies there was a market for news from small South American towns. There is also a radical named Sanchez that wishes to sabotage the factory for polluting the water which, by the way, also supplies the town with jobs for the locals, but why let cold hearted economics get in the way of touchy-feely enviro-marxism. Pete the factory boss is unwittingly aided by the monster when he has sex with his ex-girlfriend on the beach, tells her that he is seeing the mayor's daughter Juanita and it's over between them, then she is promptly eaten that night. A little side action without the evidence. My hat is off to you Sir. John Carradine rounds out the cast as a priest that believes the monster is sent by God to punish sinners. You can see the contempt he has for being in this movie in his face. Might as well filmed him running to the local currency exchange to see if his check didn't bounce.

Supposedly based on a true story, so much so they say it twice in the opening credits, this film is awful on all fronts. Filming began in 1971 and was abandoned until eight years later when Kenneth Hartford put his foot on the throat of Monster by adding his two annoying children as new characters, even putting his daughter, Andrea in top billing with Mitchum and Carradine. The sound quality is nonexistent and most of the scenes seem as if someone smeared tar over the camera before filming. This is made even more tedious during the many scenes done at night. The monster itself is laughable as it rears its ugly rubbery head for the anticlimactic ending. James Mitchum along with his brother Chris are proof that nepotism in the acting industry needs to be curtailed. Utterly unwatchable dreck. Shame on you John Carradine.

Played in the theatres back in 1980, and disappeared for awhile, only to surface in numerous public domain video companies. MONSTER toplines action star Jim Mitchum who is hired by Anthony Eisley (a skirt chasing executive) to go to a small village to battle a paper mache' monster that we only see the face and one leg. John Carradine has little to do as a town priest. The film boasts to be true story, but anything this crazy can't happen, can it? Cesar Romero (billed in imdb) is nowhere in this film. Keenan Wynn is billed in all video boxes, but not in the film. This monster sucks.

It's sad to see former stars reduced to "acting" in films like this. Well let's see here, we've got James Mitchum, and John Carradine in a movie about a Colombian lake monster. Sounds interesting, huh, wrong, the stars play second banana to a monster clearly made for less than the budget of your average candy bar. What's worse is that the film is so dark, half of the time you can't see what little action there is. For unintentional yuks this is one of those movies that can't be beat, but if your in the mood for a surreal horror thriller look elsewhere.