Thorvald le Viking

Isn't always sad to rediscover a memory from your childhood that you treasured greatly, but then finding it as an adult, and not being able to figure out how in the hell you possibly could have liked it in the first place. That's how I felt upon seeing this movie a while back. I can recall vividly when I went and saw this movie when I was ten, and my friends and I being blown away by it. In fact I saw it three times in one week. (no lie) When I saw it last, I pondered how could I not have seen the FATAL miscasting of Lee Majors. How I overlooked the black(!?) viking. Why did I not conceive that the plot for this was so laughably stupid (Vikings vs. American Indians). Sigh, it's a sad fact of life, the smarter you get, the DUMBER you realize you were.

Plastic/aluminium armour. Knight's armour on Thorvold and a LoneRanger mask, under his knights helm. Black vikings, white Native Americans...of course the largest insult is that this dreck was filmed in Florida, as evidenced by the foliage and the sugar white sand on the beach. I don't remember Vikings ever landing in Tampa, unless it was in a football game.

I won't even address the little mustache worn by Mr. Majors, as compared to the full beards of his 'Viking' co-horts.

This is a film you can't believe you are watching, yet won't turn off, because you can't look away.

Of course the climax of the film has the 'Vikings' running through water on a sandbar...anyone watching, who is familiar with Lee Majors as the "Six Million Dollar Man" will find themselves waiting to hear the music/sound effects that accompanied 'Steve Austin' whenever he was performing his feats of strength, or running to save the day.

All this film needed was BigFoot.

I am sitting at home watching THE NORSEMAN on TV, trying to pick my incredulous chin up off the floor. This movie must be seen by film students so they can learn everything NOT to do in making a movie. For example: Lee Majors (THORVALD) and the boy playing his Norse son deliver arch dialog in southern American accents...The Caucasian looking Indians with perfect Herbal Essence hairstyles...and perfect teeth..(that tribe must have a really good dental plan) Lee Majors sports a late 1970's mustache and hair style...He probably was on hiatus from a series and refused to restyle his hair...The Max Factor warpaint on the Indians' faces...and the lack of "Light Egyptian" on their bodies...Irish actress, Kathleen Freeman, as an old Indian woman... The "ultra realistic" Canadian location (NOT!), complete with palm trees and Spanish Moss... How did they get the money to make this thing? Where can I get some for my films??? This film is like a train wreck....painful to watch but absolutely riveting in its awfulness. The only area that deserves praise is the cinematography...the exteriors look pretty good... the cinematographer must have picked up the gig to pay for a fishing expedition or a vacation to Hawaii... In the words of many a great Norseman, .....Oy Vey!!!

This is an appalling film, and worth watching for that very reason. You'll struggle to buy a copy, and it probably isn't worth it, but in the UK we do get the occasional opportunity to see it on telly, so take them. This is a film with more ham than a Tesco deli counter, and Lee Majors, well, his own agent once described him as a 'somewhat limited actor'. The language - see my title, but to fully appreciate you'll have to hear the intonation in the movie itself, think Conan the Barbarian voiceovers - and the mock ritual and rite of Vikingness is hugely entertaining. Not unlike the sort of heavy metal that appeals to teenagers. Don't worry about history, it's irrelevant to this film - we all know the vikings must have been pretty sophisticated people, you'd have to be to conduct your trade from Teheran to St. Johns! And their business was arms and slaves, so they knew how to look after themselves. And this is not a film about sophisticated people. But the absolute star of this film is Jack Elam as the Death Dreamer, the wizard. The stereotypical shaman, Dr Samedi meets Don Juan meets Papa Lazarou. Honestly, folks, this movie is a hoot, but it is utter rubbish. If you want a quality viking flick, although again with questionable historical accuracy, go for The Vikings, with Kirk Douglas, Tony Curtis and a brilliant Ernest Borgnine. At least you'll care about the characters.

They could have at least tried to make this funnier if they weren't going to make it competently. But then this IS a Charles B. Pierce film, and a 'Fawcett-Majors Presentation' featuring Pierce's son, little Chuck, and starring Lee Majors as Thorvald. You can't expect much with that pedigree, but we're in John Wayne 'The Conqueror' territory here. C'mon now, Lee Majors as a viking? What were they thinking? And seeing as it stars the erstwhile Six-Million-Dollar Man, it pays homage to that series by including plenty of slow-mo action scenes. All you need is the now classic ditta-ditta-ditta electronic sound effects to go with the slow-mo and you've got a laugh riot. But there is plenty to laugh at, including Majors' 70's porno-style moustache (no beard like everyone else, he's THE STAR, but I suppose he was willing to cover his upper lip as a concession to history). Then there is Jack Elam as a norse sorceror (guess Slim Pickens wasn't available) and Deacon Jones as a black viking (Spike Lee would approve, although historians might disagree). For those outside the U.S., Jones was a football player, and the filmmakers, out of fairness, also cast a white ex-football player (Fred Biletnikoff) as a fellow norseman. There is also a pretty girl along for the ride in Susie Coehlo, although she spends too much time with a pair of blinded norsemen who sport some of the most unfortunate hairpieces you've ever witnessed. Thankfully for Cornel Wilde, he is so buried in hair that he is virtually unrecognizable and therefore, in one sense, he's not really in this movie. Unfortunately, Lee Majors IS in this movie, and worst of all, is the star. It's hard to tell which is more wooden, his ship or his acting. Yep, it's his acting. In fact, it's probably an inside game for casting agents to challenge each other to find a more wooden star than Majors. He's the champ! He could hire himself out as a Termite Whisperer. Needless to say, this junk is best avoided. You've been warned.