Satan's Cheerleaders

It's been a long time since I laughed so hard while watching a movie. The first thirty minutes are unbearable (boring teenagers fooling around on the beach) but then it gets interesting. The janitor of the high school is so frustrated with the unruly kids that he joins some Satanists. What's more, he lusts after a girl who could well be his granddaughter, and he expects that his new affiliation opens new perspectives in that field.

The janitor has to drive the cheerleaders and their coach to a road game. Of course, he takes the wrong road leading to a kind of an open air altar in the undergrowth. His attempt to „freeze" his passengers and then get at the cheerleader who is the object of his lust fails miserably. The cheerleaders escape, leaving the janitor for dead. They ask a bum for directions and end up in the house of the nearest country sheriff and his wife. Little do they know ...

I always suspect that this kind of American movie has the purpose to assuage a natural hunger for myths and fairy tales of which the USA has not its own „national treasure" like more ancient nations. As a matter of fact, Satan's Cheerleaders is structured like a traditional fairy story. The cheerleaders are Red Riding Hood, the Satanists are the Big Bad Wolf. It's clearly a conflict between old and young. The old actually get a pretty rough deal here whereas the young come through as pretty – and above all: clean – yet bland, uninspired and with an utter lack of any imagination. Interesting is the cheerleader's coach, an infantile, good hearted, innocent and disarmingly helpless woman who in a weird way represents eternal youth. It is actually quite a well played and interesting part.

The old actors rule supreme. This is probably not surprising as they are experienced pros with distinguished careers. The longer I watch movies the more I admire those actors like John Carradine (who plays the bum) who are not choosy about the parts they accept and deliver a good performance whatever the circumstances. Yvonne de Carlo gets the most laughs. The teenagers make her desperate and she starts praying to Satan for their annihilation. The prayer she repeats all over starts with „howdy" – so at least I know now how to address the devil, should the occasion arise.

The sheriff's two dogs are a major asset (there is also the cameo of a goat without consequence). They are called Diablo and Lucifer and should be fierce, but they are not. The biggest convulsions I had to suffer from came as Yvonne de Carlo runs up to them, unexpectedly leans forward and gasps „kill". The nearest dog instinctively draws his head back, disapprovingly raising an eyebrow. A cartoonist couldn't have done it better!

I suppose Satan's cheerleaders will never make it into the Library of Congress. But maybe it should.

Four high school cheerleaders—pretty blonde Patti (Kerry Sherman), brunette babe Chris (Hillary Horan), busty bird Sharon (Sherry Marks), and man-eater Debbie (Alisa Powell)—are travelling to a football game with their tasty physical education teacher Ms. Johnson (Jacqueline Cole) when they are abducted by Satanists who hope to sacrifice a 'pure maiden' to their master.

The first half an hour of this comedy/horror is a whole lot of cheesy fun, focusing on the Benedict High cheerleaders as they bicker with their rivals from Baker High, take a shower under the watchful eye of pervy janitor Mr. Brooks (Jack Kruschen), and fraternise with the jocks on the football team. There's plenty of female flesh on show, crazy pranks, a water fight, and some rough-housing, all accompanied by a cool and funky wakka-wakka guitar soundtrack.

However, once the girls fall foul of the devil worshipping cultists while on the road, the fun slowly dissipates. The action becomes extremely repetitive—the girls get get caught, they escape, they get caught, they escape, they get caught....—and despite lots more sneaky up-skirt shots and Ms.Johnson revealing some cleavage, it all becomes very tiresome indeed.

With all the movies that came out in the 70's about satanic cults and sexy cheerleaders it was almost inevitable that someone would make a satanic cheerleader movie. It's only surprising that it took so long. This movie starts out as typical cheerleader sexploitation. It's tamer than most (I think it was originally rated "PG"!) with only brief snatches of nudity in an unusually circumspect shower scene and a lot of up-the-skirt camera shots. It certainly doesn't hold a candle to some of the earlier cheerleader films (which border on softcore porn), but it does have the usual atrocious acting, groan-inducing jokes and sexual double-entendres, and godawful 70's music.

It would be a waste-of-time T and A film (with precious little T or A)if not for an interesting turn halfway through where the cheerleaders'bus breaks down on the way to a game and they have a run-in with a small-town satanic cult(lead by b-movie luminaries like John Ireland,Yvonne DeCarlo, and John Carradine). Hilariously, the cult is looking for an "unsullied maiden" to sacrifice to Satan (if they'd seen one of these cheerleader movies they'd definitely look somewhere else). This satanic subplot is not the least bit scary, but it is enjoyably cheesy and the jokes start to hit more than miss. "They're all of them witches!" one especially dumb cheerleader says, making an unintentional allusion to the granddaddy of all devil movies, "Rosemary's Baby". Another girl is quite indignant that the cult wants to use her as a virgin sacrifice: "I'm no maiden--I've been a cheerleader for three years!".

If you're a pervert with a cheerleader fetish you're probably better off sticking to stronger stuff like the original "The Cheerleaders" (or a hardcore porn movie like "Debbie Does Dallas"), but if you enjoy ridiculous devil movies and/or cheesy 70's flicks like I do, you'll no doubt find this to be a pleasant little diversion.

Satan's cheerleaders seems like an attempt to mix two radically different genres together and it should not come as too much of a shock that it is a inconsistent (though still watchable) film.

Mixing the then popular demon possession film with a Jack Hill like Swinging Cheerleader picture must have seemed like a really good idea on paper but unfortunately neither genre is attacked with the gusto necessary to be completely successful.

The first half of the film focuses on the wacky antics of the Cheerleaders and the football players (in fact until very end of the picture it seems that the entire football team is made up of only 4 players) but the surprising thing is how annoying the film-makers allow these characters to be. Whether forcing people off a public beach or making fun of the stuttering janitor they actually seem like a fairly accurate recreation of high school elite. While heading off to the first game of the season they experience car trouble and are picked up by the janitor and thats when the second movie begins.

The Janitor is a satanist and when he attempts to rape one of the ladies he is struck dead by the devil. The cheerleaders and their coach go to the local sheriff to report but he refuses to allow them to leave and they find out just how wide the web of evil is. The second half of the movie with a rape and several killings does not mesh with the light and goofy first half. People who like horror will be bored by the first half and people who like comedy may enjoy the somewhat tame (compared to other films of the genre) antics of the girls but few will fully embrace the film.

The acting in this film, as in many low budget affairs is very hit and miss. Weak acting by many of the cheerleaders (and all of the football team) is balanced to an extent by a strong performance by Kerry Sherman as the cheerleader who seems just a little bit ahead of the others in terms of understanding the situation and Jacqueline Cole, who while not the strongest actress in the world comes across as quite likable in her role as the Cheerleader's coach. As in many Greydon Clark films the movie is peppered with past their prime actors who are showing up for one last paycheck including Yvonne De Carlo and John Ireland. At least De Carlo seems to be putting a little effort into the film while John Ireland seems to be bored goofy by the proceedings.

Director Clark has created some of the more interesting zero budget films including Wacko, Angel's revenge, skinheads and without warning but I am afraid this film fails to reach the heights of his other efforts. If you read the premise and think the movie sounds like your type of film than you may enjoy it but I think most can safely pass on the film.

Whenever I want to explain to someone great camp B-movies, I hold up a DVD of Satan's Cheerleaders. Still one of the best.