Scorchy, agent fédéral

Watchable enough vehicle for starlet Connie Stevens in which she plays Jackie Parker, an undercover detective determined to bust a dope smuggling ring. Among the sordid characters surrounding her are Philip (Cesare Danova) and Claudia Bianco (Marlene Schmidt, the directors' wife), and creepy goons Carl (William Smith) and Nicky (John Davis Chandler).

Unfortunately, this viewer should disclose the fact that he watched the edited for TV version. Therefore, some of the apparently best stuff is nowhere to be seen. That would have added a little spice to what is a mostly unremarkable effort from writer / producer / director Howard Avedis, a busy filmmaker during the 1970s. However, two amusingly protracted chase scenes, one with Stevens going after Smith and one with her pursuing Danova, do make this worth a glance on a slow night. There's some very mild gore; one memorable sex scene ends with a guy getting harpooned in the back.

Connie is passably charming in the main role, even if she doesn't make the most convincing cop in the world. It's up to her excellent supporting cast to do the heavy lifting. Danova is solid, but it's the always reliable, veteran screen villains Smith and Chandler who are the most fun to watch. Norman Burton plays Connies' boss; also appearing are Joyce Jameson, and stuntman Nick Dimitri (in a rare substantial acting role). Actor Greg Evigan makes his film debut playing likable stud Alan.

This viewer must say that he did dig that unexpected and rather abrupt ending.

EDIT: I've since seen the R-rated version on Blu-ray, and while the T & A in this version is appreciable, there's not really enough of it to make a big difference. Still, the movie remains fairly entertaining.

Six out of 10.

This bizarre crime drama stars Connie Stevens as undercover narc Jackie Parker, out to bust the junk smuggling ring commanded by Cesare Danova. There's tons of action: shoot 'em ups, outrageous chase sequences, Connie taking a shower...but the best part of the movie is watching Connie chase the bad guys in what appear to be her pajamas. Add in the fact that the film bears no relation to its odd title, and you have a late night classic.

Connie Stevens is a pert, buxom Hollywood B-grade starlet, custom built for the exploitation genre, but even this film is beneath her talents. She plays a 'Police Woman' type undercover agent trying to crack a narcotics ring operating between Rome and California. Known for her promiscuous behaviour and unconventional tactics, she's highly effective although often castigated for her entrapments. Embedded, she's recruited by a drug dealer's wife to act as courier for a cartel, but things go awry. She's on her way to solving the mystery when she seduces the drug dealer's young brother-in-law for information - alas, he expires before he can 'give it to her'. And so begins a sordid path of lurid seduction and retributions.

Director Avedis had made a few mild exploitation attempts ("The Specialist", "The Teacher"), prior to this effort, but his level of skill hasn't improved. Stevens is vivacious and professional while dependable Smith makes a particularly nasty villain - in one scene, he knocks a motorcyclist from his mount, backtracks on the stolen bike, kicks the stricken rider in the head, then shoots him point blank for his troubles. Crooner Evigan in his film debut is out of his depth in this genre (and as evidenced by his future filmography), while Burton is solid as a stereotypical police chief passively reigning in his star performer's excesses.

Notwithstanding the banal dialogue, amateurish cinematography and laboured narrative, "Scorchy" has all the hallmarks of a bona fide sexploitation picture, and therefore, should've been far more entertaining fare. Unfortunately, the low T&A quotient limits that appeal, which in a film titled "Scorchy" is a major liability. Scorchy is clearly a misnomer - it's just laboriously tepid.

Even in the 1970s, movies were still reluctant to portray a female cop as a "Dirty Harriet". Connie Stevens is game, and there are two (count 'em) well-shot & fairly original chase sequences, but in general the action is sparse, the story is confusing, and the supporting cast is poor. *1/2 out of 4.

So, I have no words for this movie as a piece of escapism entertainment as intended. If you are looking for something to view and get an hour and 40 minutes of solid acting, good story and cinematography that makes sitting through this loosely mashed together POS worth while...unfortunately, this is not it. The movie has only one redeeming quality that makes it viewable on any level. The movie was set in 1976 Seattle and they ACTUALLY FILMED IN SEATTLE! It's not one of those recent decade movies which films 98% in Vancouver, BC, some stage work and then establishing shots of the Space Needle or Mt. Rainier that were shot in some other time period and pass for making us think we might be somewhere near Seattle. Because of this fact (and they used impressive film stock that holds up very well on sharpness and color fidelity even decades later.) the movie is an incredible tourism guide for the Seattle area. There are even great shots with the newly minted ($54 million dollars at the time it was built) Kingdome in the background. They loved it so much, they even included it in the background while driving both North AND South through the Pioneer Square area. As a life time Seattle area resident, growing up here during the time it was filmed, it was incredible to see so many shots of the water front, Pike Place Market back side, the old overpass for the Alaska Way Viaduct and a ton of other amazing landmarks. They even had the old Nordstrom store in one shot with the old logo at street level right by where you used to walk up the original ramp that took you to the downtown stop of the monorail. Heck, we even get to ride the monorail down to the Seattle Center and see the original "Fun Forest" with the rides and the area we all used to hang out in as chillin's. The chase scene that leads to the Gas Works Park is amazing as it leads us through the Montlake Cut right by the UW, and into Lake Union. The background devoid of all the large buildings which are there now. They had the fence up around the Gasworks Park so I think this was filmed right after they had discovered the arsenic and other heavy metals in the dirt and sand around the play areas in the park. Yeah. Massive exposure to cancer causing agents. Yeah! Regardless, this movie lacks in story, plot, writing, direction, acting, etc etc...but the capture in the period of time where one of our great cities was still amazing. Before the start of the 35+ year rule of the democratic party that drove it into the ground with homelessness and addiction. At least we have a great snap shot in time from this movie.