Scorchy, agent fédéral

Bargain-basement claptrap has female narcotics agent in Seattle about to blow the whistle on international heroin ring. Two well-directed action sequences (one involving a speed-buggy, the other a helicopter) saves this tacky flick from turkey status. Connie Stevens tries hard, but her girlish voice hasn't caught up with her body (most often she sounds like she's trying to be coquettish). Her hair is a marvel though: frosted wings that do most of her acting for her. Masochists will revel in one sequence which typifies the rest: as Connie's lover is grinding away, he is murdered and Stevens, realizing there's a dead man on top of her, opens her mouth as wide as she can and screams like Fay Wray; the killer comes into the room, hauls off and slaps Screaming Connie across the face like a cheap whore. It's almost as jaw-dropping as the Statement-Making finale, which is so self-important it goes beyond cheap laughs. * from ****

This bizarre crime drama stars Connie Stevens as undercover narc Jackie Parker, out to bust the junk smuggling ring commanded by Cesare Danova. There's tons of action: shoot 'em ups, outrageous chase sequences, Connie taking a shower...but the best part of the movie is watching Connie chase the bad guys in what appear to be her pajamas. Add in the fact that the film bears no relation to its odd title, and you have a late night classic.

Connie Stevens is a pert, buxom Hollywood B-grade starlet, custom built for the exploitation genre, but even this film is beneath her talents. She plays a 'Police Woman' type undercover agent trying to crack a narcotics ring operating between Rome and California. Known for her promiscuous behaviour and unconventional tactics, she's highly effective although often castigated for her entrapments. Embedded, she's recruited by a drug dealer's wife to act as courier for a cartel, but things go awry. She's on her way to solving the mystery when she seduces the drug dealer's young brother-in-law for information - alas, he expires before he can 'give it to her'. And so begins a sordid path of lurid seduction and retributions.

Director Avedis had made a few mild exploitation attempts ("The Specialist", "The Teacher"), prior to this effort, but his level of skill hasn't improved. Stevens is vivacious and professional while dependable Smith makes a particularly nasty villain - in one scene, he knocks a motorcyclist from his mount, backtracks on the stolen bike, kicks the stricken rider in the head, then shoots him point blank for his troubles. Crooner Evigan in his film debut is out of his depth in this genre (and as evidenced by his future filmography), while Burton is solid as a stereotypical police chief passively reigning in his star performer's excesses.

Notwithstanding the banal dialogue, amateurish cinematography and laboured narrative, "Scorchy" has all the hallmarks of a bona fide sexploitation picture, and therefore, should've been far more entertaining fare. Unfortunately, the low T&A quotient limits that appeal, which in a film titled "Scorchy" is a major liability. Scorchy is clearly a misnomer - it's just laboriously tepid.

That gives you an idea of this textbook American International Picture with a lot of heroin in valuable objets d'art and many vehicle chases,as well as some on foot, with some very good, some inept beyond belief.

Bill Smith in his 'Falconetti' period is the main reason to watch this: when he runs criminally away, darting here, darting there, it's so gracefully tigerlike it looks like surfing or serious dance.

There is some wonderful footage of Seattle cityscapes in a long chase in which Connie changes from a taxi to a hot rod and Bill gets off the train to get in a beautiful orange Pontiac Bonneville, and later--aided by one of those conveniently passing trains--manages to get a motorbike whose owner he kills in that just-for-the-hell-of-it way that started happening in the early 70's; and so we get a little nice nostalgia for his fabulous biker flicks. This he takes right on into Puget Sound, but Connie just pulls up--then, inexplicably, jumps into the water as if to catch him now by swimming--with all of her clothes, including a full-length coat, still on. As the scene dissolves, she hadn't swam very far, and momentarily is back in her apartment, holding far less of the wet clothes she had been wearing, but still wearing the coat (which looks dry by now) and an orange scarf over her head, whose hair looks dry by now.

And to think that all these garments, but part of all she owned in the film, came from Pleasure Dome Boutique of Hollywood...

This cannot have been synonymous with Frederick's, already an established name, although perhaps Marlene Schmidt had some of those kinds of items when she was primping in her soft-porn-style apartment...

Connie also sometimes screams like a real street feline, the kind that has fights in alleys, a most remarkable horrible snarling sound.

She'd played the Marilyn Monroe character in 'The Sex Symbol'. She would do better to portray Mary Hart of "Entertainment Tonight," even if she is older than the subject, as she is temperamentally suited for this role (not yet projected, alas.)

There is a far too explicit-looking scene of Connie making love with her boyfriend who is then shot in the back by Smith through the window with a spear.

This was a pioneering moment in the new coitus interruptus styles: Having made a clean break with the past, we were on our way to a most thoroughly unbrave new world.

So, I have no words for this movie as a piece of escapism entertainment as intended. If you are looking for something to view and get an hour and 40 minutes of solid acting, good story and cinematography that makes sitting through this loosely mashed together POS worth while...unfortunately, this is not it. The movie has only one redeeming quality that makes it viewable on any level. The movie was set in 1976 Seattle and they ACTUALLY FILMED IN SEATTLE! It's not one of those recent decade movies which films 98% in Vancouver, BC, some stage work and then establishing shots of the Space Needle or Mt. Rainier that were shot in some other time period and pass for making us think we might be somewhere near Seattle. Because of this fact (and they used impressive film stock that holds up very well on sharpness and color fidelity even decades later.) the movie is an incredible tourism guide for the Seattle area. There are even great shots with the newly minted ($54 million dollars at the time it was built) Kingdome in the background. They loved it so much, they even included it in the background while driving both North AND South through the Pioneer Square area. As a life time Seattle area resident, growing up here during the time it was filmed, it was incredible to see so many shots of the water front, Pike Place Market back side, the old overpass for the Alaska Way Viaduct and a ton of other amazing landmarks. They even had the old Nordstrom store in one shot with the old logo at street level right by where you used to walk up the original ramp that took you to the downtown stop of the monorail. Heck, we even get to ride the monorail down to the Seattle Center and see the original "Fun Forest" with the rides and the area we all used to hang out in as chillin's. The chase scene that leads to the Gas Works Park is amazing as it leads us through the Montlake Cut right by the UW, and into Lake Union. The background devoid of all the large buildings which are there now. They had the fence up around the Gasworks Park so I think this was filmed right after they had discovered the arsenic and other heavy metals in the dirt and sand around the play areas in the park. Yeah. Massive exposure to cancer causing agents. Yeah! Regardless, this movie lacks in story, plot, writing, direction, acting, etc etc...but the capture in the period of time where one of our great cities was still amazing. Before the start of the 35+ year rule of the democratic party that drove it into the ground with homelessness and addiction. At least we have a great snap shot in time from this movie.