Queen Kong

The film stars Robin Askwith as Ray Fay, Rula Lenska's character (a film director) is called Luce Habit. There's a few other recognizable actors in the film, well I recognized them - Carol Drinkwater (The first Mrs.Herriot from the BBC TV series All Creatures Great & Small)), Robin worked with the second Mrs.Herriot Linda Bellingham in "Driving Instructor" so I guess Robin and Christopher Timothy have something in common (though I doubt Robin had an affair with Drinkwater), the other recognizable actors are Valerie Leon of Carry On fame, and Linda Hayden in a cameo role playing a Singing Nun.

Here's the plot - Luce is filming in the jungle, her lead actor can't handle the riggers of the job and storms out of the camp, which is appropriate because he plays a "Camp" character. So Luce goes to London searching for a new male lead, "he has to be gentle yet strong and manly", guess who she picks. Luce drugs Ray and takes him to the jungle Island Lazanga "where they do the Conga" to finish her film. While filming of course they discover a village of maidens led by Valerie Leon as the Bikini clad High Priestess, of course they decide Ray a perfect sacrifice for Queen Kong, so they capture him and leave him on a giant table inside a cake for Queen Kong to eat. Of course Queen Kong doesn't eat Ray, but she does fall in love with him. The rest of the story is pretty much like the original King Kong, they take Queen Kong to England and all hell breaks loose.

The opening credits song for Queen Kong has to be heard to be believed, here's the lyrics - Queen Kong, Queen Kong Queen Kong is the chick with all the hair Queen Kong comes from I don't know where Kong Kong Kong Kong Kong Kong Queen Queen Queen Queen Queen, Queen Kong She's a Queenie who aint weenie She's a Queenie Queenie Queenie for my weenie When I'm feeling mighty spunky I want to do it with my hunky monkey Queenie Queenie Queenie Queenie, Queen Kong Kong Kong Kong Kong, Queen Kong

Queen Kong is riddled with bad jokes, but Robin & Rula deliver them without batting an eyelid, here's one of the early ones in the film that made me cringe, Robin's begging for a joint from some hippies - "Hey man have you got a joint, come on just let me have one please, I won't bother you again" the Hippie says "know man you're always after a joint, you say just one, but you keep coming back for more, beat it man, I said beat it man" Robin says " I tried beating it, but the Pope said it was wrong". Here's one of Rula's, Robin says " look at that great wall, what lies behind that great wall" Rula's reply "the Chinese have always lied behind the great wall"

The special effects for Queen Kong (if you can call them special) are terrible, they quite fit the film though, I have a feeling they're extra lo w budget on purpose.

OK, I liked the film, it kinda had the same feel as a Leslie Nielson "Naked Gun" film, and there's a link, the Queen impersonator in the first Naked Gun movie also appears in Queen Kong. Queen Kong definitely deserves to be taken from the vault and released properly, I would love to one day own a special edition widescreen version on DVD, with a commentary by Robin and Rula, but that'll probably never happen. But hey! Tim Burtons doing a remake of Planet Of The Apes, maybe with all the monkey hype that's going to be hitting us next year, someone might figure let's cash in, just a fantasy I know.

Movie director, Luce Habit (Rula Lenzka) needs a leading man for her latest epic. She discovers Ray Fay (Robin Askwith), drugs him (!), and whisks him away from London to Lazanga. With her all-female crew, Luce is all set for filming.

Native troubles, the entrance of the titular beast, and general idiocy ensue.

QUEEN KONG is -obviously- a British parody of its male counterpart. For a comedy, it suffers from a dire lack of any real humor. It's peppered with antiquated, anything-but-funny "jokes" that couldn't possibly have elicited laughs, even in 1976! It's sort of like a really long, completely awful episode of The Benny Hill Show.

Yes, there are bikini-clad dancing girls.

This could possibly be the most inane, eye-gouging-ly dull movie to ever come out of the UK!

In addition to the "monster" of the title we also get a woman-eating rose bush, and a man in a cardboard dinosaur costume.

For his part, Askwith seems to be having a blast, like he does in all of his movies. His Mick Jagger / Brian Jones-hybrid look and goofy persona are always likeable. It's just not enough to salvage this saggy saga.

Good luck with this bowl of rotten bananas!...

Queen Kong (1976)

BOMB (out of 4)

A tough female director is in the tough jungle with her tough female crew when the latest actor quits. She's able to find a man (Robin Askwith) who takes the lead role but once in the jungle the crew runs into a giant female ape. Sure enough, the ape falls for the man.

QUEEN KONG is a British production that was meant to try and make fun of the Dino De Laurentiis film KING KONG. This wasn't just your typical rip-off but the film also tried to be something like Monty Python and to say it failed would be an understatement. If you read around for reviews you'll see that there are many people out there who hate it like me. However, I think some of the reviews were quite unfair. As awful as the movie is I'd argue that it was at least semi well-made and it at least wasn't on the same level as something from Jerry Warren.

With that said, it was quite torturous to sit through this film because of how unfunny it is. I mean, there wasn't a single time throughout the film where I even cracked a smile. The worst thing about the movie is the fact that it's so darn annoying and that's especially true for the lead actor who is given some of the worst one-liners that you're ever going to hear. I'm not sure what type of drugs were being passed around by the screenwriters but whatever lines they wrote that they thought was funny just didn't come across on the screen.

Even with the comedy being so awful one would wish that they could at least have some fun with the monsters but that's not the case either. They all look incredibly cheap and awful but to be fair they're really no better or worse than the majority of the Godzilla movies that were made earlier in the decade. QUEEN KONG has an awful reputation and it really deserves it. The entire idea just really blows up in the viewers face and they're left with a really challenging movie to get through.

This was a scene-for-scene parody of the original King Kong, with a merry but uncomprehending wink at the women's liberation movement. The better you know the original, the more you'll enjoy the in-jokes.

When I saw Konga from 1961, I thought it was the worst King Kong parody ever made. I had no idea how wrong I was before watching this. Even for a comedy/parody, it was atrocious and depressing to watch.

This movie was meant to capitalize on the 1976 remake of King Kong and make it a comedy, but thanks to the shoestring budget of $632,000 and total incompetence of the cast and crew, this film is so shamelessly campy and cheap, it was a jaw dropping failure. And worst of all, all of the jokes fall flat on their faces.

The sets for the village and wall were incredibly cheap and the miniature city Queen Kong rampages through doesn't look very good either. Even by budget 70s movie standards, the creature effects were God-awful. The Queen Kong suit looked inferior to Konga with only her eyes being functional. The T-Rex and Pteranodon suits were even worse being loose fitting, rubber outfits that looked less impressive than a child's home-made Halloween costume. You can even see the monsters moving among normal sized plants and trees because there wasn't enough money for a miniature forest set.

I know this is a parody, but they could have at least tried to improvise more or rework the humor. Just so you know, Monty Python and the Holy Grail only cost about half as much as this and was a smash hit. Maybe if the crew handled things a little differently with their meager budget, they could have made a somewhat better film, but that never happened.

The camera footage often looked fogged up or messy and haphazardly jumps from one sloppy shot to the next. Half the time he spends being carried by Queen Kong, Askwith is obviously in front of a projector screen with a background so blurry, you can't even make it out.

The God-awful 70's rock song in the opening credits had some of the most hilariously bad and cringeworthy lyrics I've ever heard. "Queenie for my weenie?" Oh brother... "Liberated Lady" was only slightly more bearable to listen to. There's even this cheesy disco music playing as Queen Kong chases the group through the jungle that made it feel like a Scooby-Doo skit.

The cast gave an unsurprisingly corny and lazy performance. Lenska looks and sounds absolutely miserable throughout the whole movie and Askwith was either boring or irritating to watch. Both of them were humiliated to have starred in this mess, and who can blame them?

I can't even describe this as so bad, it's good. More like, it's so bad, it's horrible and almost unwatchable so don't waste your time.