Porno Paradise

The first few minutes of The Opening of Misty Beethoven really show what kind of film it is - an adult film with a hardened style, a strong sense of eroticism, and quick-witted dialog at every turn. Within the first five minutes of the film, director Radley Metzger gives us a deliciously cinematic shooting style, largely thanks to the cinematographical work by Robert Rochester, deviating from the low-budget, scuzziness of most of the pornography during this period, several rapid fire quips between actors Jamie Gillis and Constance Money involving the going rate for a handjob, and, finally, a looming sense of eroticism throughout every turn. Despite the very professional presentation, there is never a sex act or genitalia, male or female, far out of frame.

Metzger's renowned contribution to The Golden Age of Porn concerns the titular character (played by Constance Money), a low-rate prostitute, who attracts the attention of the sexologist Dr. Seymour Love (Jamie Gillis). Dr. Love's goal is to turn Misty into an incredible prostitute, training her in giving the best fellatios and sexual experiences so she can tear up the town in a bold new fashion. Dr. Love gives her a series of endurance tests to work with, such as practicing fellatios, equating them to "eating a ripe mango." her ultimate challenge, however, is to seduce a homosexual, which she winds up doing to a fault, as she begins to fall in love with the soul and desperately wants to make a relationship work despite the obvious divide.

The Opening of Misty Beethoven is a deceptively thoughtful pornographic film and one that really shows what the period of porno chic was really about. The production is uniformly attractive, never succumbing to a seediness that's as ostensibly low as its subject matter and consistently affirming the talent on display and the aesthetic values throughout. This is a very attractively shot film, with loads of attractive locations that add to the visual zest Metzger and Rochester deliver. This film is less a straight-forward pornographic film and more of a film that just so happens to include a great deal of sex.

The film, in addition, features a plethora of sex scenes; as stated, it's almost as if somebody's genitals or a couple engaged in intercourse are always lurking around the corner. Few frames of The Opening of Misty Beethoven lack some sort of nudity or sex, so Metzger never gets too wrapped up in the aesthetics of his production that he ultimately forgets to deliver what we came for. Money's Misty is an instantly likable character, basking in her own instance while she continues to desecrate it with nearly every move and decision she makes. Paired with Gillis, a likable screen presence, she shines through and her abilities to inspire arousal and recognition of talent are simultaneously in effect.

While the quick-wittedness of screenwriter Jake Barns' dialog is discernible, The Opening of Misty Beethoven does lack the kind of contagious humor of Deep Throat and Debbie Does Dallas, in addition to not being as consistently erotic as Taboo. Yet, there is also a discernible amount of subversiveness on display here with the way the film presents itself, affirming its classiness while including numerous sexual acts. This film proves, if nothing else, that a film from The Golden Age of Porn can be just as presentable and respectable as any film made by Hollywood during that same era. Behind the Green Door might have been more subversive, but the overall effect in terms of its content, at least on me, was lukewarm. The Opening of Misty Beethoven, however, is the real deal.

Starring: Constance Money and Jamie Gillis. Directed by: Radley MEtzger.

I must admit that I gave this movie a 10 partly because I was relatively young and was seeing my first 'porno flick'. In the many years since then, I have seen many of both good and bad quality.

But this particular one has always held a special place in my soul. The dialogue was actually decent, the visual effects were absolutely stunning and there was a good humor that came through from everyone involved.

I'd love to see it again!

Jack Horner, Burt Reynolds' character in Boogie Nights, was determined to make "a real movie." This is probably what it would have looked like, right down to the mid '70s production quality and costumes. No one should be ashamed to admit they've watched it. It is a witty, intelligent comedy that just happens to be a porn film. Watch the exchange between Jamie Gillis and the flight attendant for proof of this. It's just as funny as anything in an early Woody Allen film. And the "swindle singing" that was featured prominently in Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid and Allen's Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Sex gets a real workout here. And dare I say that this is a really good "date flick," of course after you've been dating for a while. I remember this movie playing in Northern Virginia for 12 years, from 1976 or so to 1988. Had video stores not flourished in the late '80s, I would be willing to bet that it would still be playing. It definitely has staying power, and the dated quality of the film just adds to the appeal.

When the filmmaker in Paul Thomas Anderson's BOOGIE NIGHTS waxes elegiac about what porn could have been--a porn movie that's a real movie--THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN is what he's talking about. Directed by Radley Metzger under the nom de guerre Henry Paris, this remake of "Pygmalion" has some wit, stylish production design, a story, rhythm, characters, and, if you can believe it, some not at all bad acting. Nothing else--not even Metzger/Paris' big-selling BARBARA BROADCAST--ever equaled it. See it, laugh, and mourn for what could have been.

Try crossing My Fair Lady with Deep Throat and you'll end up with "The Opening of Misty Beethoven", a porn film with good production values, surprisingly decent acting, and a young, knockout female lead actress.

This film could never have been made today where all you see are numerous gynecological closeups with copious amounts of spewing bodily fluids. Instead you are treated to an imaginative film with a lot of laughs wrapped around enough sex to earn it's XXX rating.

Constance Money, worth seeing in this film by herself, plays the Eliza Doolittle role as the classless gum popping French street hooker (Misty Beethoven) who gives hand jobs in a dingy Paris movie theater. Jamie Gillis plays the Henry Higgins part as Dr Seymour Love, willing to take on Misty and turn her from this cheap trollop into a high class "Goldenrod Girl" with the help of Jacqueline Beaudant (a female Colonel Pickering?).

There are some very funny sequences on the adult airlines and in the training sequences which brought to mind the "Rocky" films. The sex is not of the grind house variety that you find in most XXX films but it is highly erotic, entertaining and with Ms. Money, surprisingly romantic. This is a jewel of an erotic film.