King Kong revient

This movie is so terrible, yet so funny. There are so many flaws with this movie. Many parts of the movie have nothing to do with the plot. The ape one time wears shoes, flicks the camera(and its no accident, he holds it for 4 seconds), and seems to be different sized throughout the movie. You cannot make a worse movie. Period. This movie must be seen, it is too funny to explain.

Nowhere near as good as "Mighty Peking Man" as far as King Kong rip-offs, "Ape" is good to look at just to see the fair miniatures and little else. The best "bad" hilarious movies are those that never intended to be that; in "Ape", the Ape gets mad gives the finger in one scene, obviously in a deliberate attempt for laughs, which in turn, makes it pretty unfunny.

The sound effects are BAD, there's a decent 'bad' fight with a giant shark which couldn't look much more fake if they tried, plus the Ape trashes a few buildings. If you are a giant monster film fan, this probably won't get more than a few viewings in your entire lifetime but it's good to watch and take off your list of films to see, plus to examine how badly this one was made. All in all, some fun, but pretty bad.

APE is a truly strange hybrid: my best guess is that it was an Korean Monster Film that got bought by an American Filming Crew who spent a weekend getting background shots and shot all the giant ape footage in their backyard.

From the first great line in the film in which a mildly depressed actor utters the most deadpan expression of shock to stock footage of a cow that becomes an obviously fake battery-operated toy in faraway shots this film is a laugh riot. The cherry on top of this cake is that 'Joanna Von Savant' of the title is really Joanna Kerns from TV's Growing Pains. Apparently the 1980s weren't a good time for her, between being fondled by a fake ape in a ripoff of a Dino Laurentis film or a TV mom to a bunch of stupid kids that go to a school that calls their sports team "Hooters."

In short, don't watch APE. Experience it and hope to God someone's future film career depended on this.

Original ads warned, "Not the be confused with KING KONG." Not a problem there, pals! This not only makes one yearn to see the original 1933 KONG again, but it makes the Dino De Laurentiis remake look like a revisionist masterpiece. The FX work (originally shown in 3-D) is even cheesier than the old Toho GODZILLA movies as "ten tons" of simian fury (AKA - guy in monkey suit) crushes a model city, sinks a toy ship and wrestles around with "giant" rubber snake and shark creatures. It's all for the love of an actress, played by Joanna De Varona who is actually Joanna Kerns, the mother from the Growing Pains TV series!

APE sure is funny and worth watching, but going by the general rules of movie scoring, it's a...

Score: 1 out of 10

This movie hates you. No two ways about it. It wants to hurt you for seeing it.

Characters in this movie speak in a stream of continual profanities, fire flaming arrows and guns at the audience (while smiling), and the gorilla throws rocks at you and flips you the bird.

The acting is mostly abominable. The effects are worse. Nothing makes much sense. The editing is choppy. The shots are poorly composed. The locations are grey, barren, and aggressively ugly. Stock footage is piled on and looped.

Boring filler is shoved in wherever it will fit to pad out the slight story to 90 minutes. Then, it takes forever to finally end. (More punishment for you, the viewer.) Oh, and it's nominally in 3-D too.

A hateful, hateful movie.