Itoka, le monstre des galaxies

In the 70's, as a kid when looking through the new TV Guide for the week's monster movies, the only thing as good as finding a Godzilla film or two was finding the Godzilla wanna-bes, like the undeniable classic "The X From Outer Space."

"X" is probably the personification of "cheesy Japanese monster flick." This monster is silly-looking, the FX are horrid, the music is terrible, and the film is a total blast. The "X" attacking planes and destroying buildings is just good and bad enough to make everyone happy.

The reason this film is a blast is because it has a lot of charm and heart. Those are a few of the ingredients that certain giant monster films made back then lack, and that's why they are unwatchable and truly bad, while films like "X From Outer Space" are bad but have enough of those things to make it fun. When a film lacks those things and is clueless, you get dreck like "Queen Kong" and "A.P.E."

There's nothing wrong with "The X From Outer Space" if you are simply into watching fun giant monster films with actors in suits (no computer crap) stomping on miniature buildings and swatting airplanes on wires out of the sky.

Toy rockets can't stop him. Toy tanks won't stop him. Not even toy airplanes can stop him. Brazenly campy and unabashedly silly, this movie offers no disguise for its lunacy, but rather exalts in its cheesiness. It boasts one of the most absurd looking monsters ever, who you can't help but love because of his ludicrous appearance.

The script goes to great lengths to explain the origin of the creature, so the movie drags a little at first. The first part is some horsing around aboard a spacecraft, on a mission to Mars. The ship is buzzed by a UFO, and the crew responds with a perplexing lackadaisical attitude like it happens every day. They divert to an established Moon base after the UFO just wanders off for some reason.

You have to wait a while to see the creature, named Guilala , but it's well worth the wait. He's part chicken, part dinosaur, and has what appears to be a snorkel coming out of his forehead. He has beaming red eyes, and the best of all: two wire antennae that wobble around like those wire things with balls on the end you wear on your head if you're going as a bumblebee or something like that for Halloween. Of course, he goes on a rampage in Tokyo, shrieking like a banshee the whole time, as he smashes buildings and other stuff.

The human characters are developed pretty well, and the actors actually appear to be taking their roles seriously. As ridiculous as the script is, the characters actually have believable personalities and back stories. There's an odd triangle, with two beauties named Michiko and Lisa both after Capt. Sanu, who just grunts when they talk to him.

Fans of insanely cheesy camp will love this one; it's just utter craziness all the way.

It starts with a bunch of astronauts preparing for a mission to Mars, three guys and a girl, of course (and an American girl with a crush on the Japanese mission commander at that!), while the mission commander meanwhile has an uneasy relationship with the beautiful moonbase communications officer who is a good friend of our beautiful blonde scientist (they even shower together).

Anyway, once they're enroute in space things start to happen, like blocked communications signals and asteroid showers, and a weird UFO with a tracking beam that deposits some sort of glowing spores on the ship. Naturally they bring one back and it grows into a giant semi-chicken-shaped monster who stomps off towards Tokyo. Then it becomes your typical man-in-a-suit monster movie.

Needless to say, Godzilla and his pals had something of an impact on the box office. People worldwide were flocking to see Toho studios Kaiju films, which was great for the studio. Not only did they have something that was a smash hit in their home country-it was big worldwide. So of course, others tried to capitalize. In Korea, there was "Yonggary." London gave us "Gorgo." Denmark offered the world "Reptilicus." Even America go into the action with "The Giant Mantis" and "The Giant Claw." I'm sure that Toho was amused and pleased that for a change, a Japanese Studio was giving the rest of world a run for it's money instead of the other way around.

Of course, other studios in Japan tried to capitalize on this. Daei gave the world the "Gamera" and "Daimaijin" films. Toei released "The Magic Serpent." Nikkatsu responded with "Monster From a Prehistoric Planet." However, the most out there of these movies was "The X From Outer Space", which came from the well respected Shochiku studios (who gave the world films such as "Tokyo Story" and "Night and Fog in Japan"), which also kick started a brief foray into the world of genre films.

The spaceship AAB Gamma has been sent to Mars so it can investigate reports of UFO's that seem to be surrounding the area. After running into a strange UFO (which, according to one scientist, "Looks like a giant omelet!") that leaves some strange spore-like substance on the ship, the crew decides that would be a nifty idea to bring a sample with them. This of course, turns out to be what Gob from "Arrested Development" would call "A Huge Mistake." That's because said sample soon turns into a giant monster that begins to run roughshod on Japan because apparently Godzilla or one of Gamera's enemies were on vacation. Also, the monster is named Guilala, and he looks like...well, he looks like a lizard/chicken hybrid.

What's interesting about "The X From Outer Space" is that is all starts out a lot like other space themed science fiction movies from the time. There's a bouncy theme song, it's got plenty of cool model and miniature effects, there's plenty of matte paintings, and everyone seems more interested in chilling out and drinking cocktails while bachelor pad music plays than they are solving whatever crisis is at hand. When Guilala does show up, thing takes a turn for the "what the hell" and doesn't look back. There's a sense of fun to most of the proceedings, as if the people who aren't taking all of this too seriously.

It's also interesting that even though he craves radiation like a certain mutated dinosaur and it's obvious as all get out that the people behind the movie are doing everything they can to compete with him/rip him off (it even breathes fire!), the whole thing has a lighthearted atmosphere to it. There's little to no attempt at trying to do some sort of social commentary like some of the "Godzilla" movies (or "Mothra" or the genre films Shochiku released afterwards.) This is a to the point monster movie that simply wants to entertain the audience, and damn it, it succeeds. The whole thing is so thoroughly goofy (I dare you not to laugh when an airplane crashes into the monsters head for no reason other than some sort of directorial goof), campy and all around fun that it's impossible not to enjoy what's going on here. Only the most stuffy shirted type could not be charmed at the nuttiness on display.

At the end of the day, "The X From Outer Space" is nothing more than a light but charming little Kaiju film. It doesn't have the muscle of the best "Godzilla" movies, but it doesn't need it. It's campy, light entertainment that just happens to be a lot of fun, and that's all I asked for.

Which is where they seemingly pulled this mess. A space ship on its way to Mars picks up some spores on its hull. Of course, Man being Man, the spores are brought back to earth. Funny how guys returning from, say, Africa have to pass through Customs and then through a medical quarantine, but some space spore is carried right to Earth. Needless to say, contact with Earth's atmosphere causes the spore to become Guilala (where do they come up with these names?!), a cross between a giant chicken and a dinosaur. It is a lively monster, though. You can see the spring in its step when its trashing Tokyo.

The movie has the usual trademarks of Japanese monster films -- bad dialogue (Peggy Neal's "Monsters have rights" speech ranks up there with Peter Graves' "Man has a responsibility" speech from "It Conquered The World"); atrocious dubbing (why do they dub American actors' voices); cheap special effects, and unintentional comedy. For instance, Peggy Neal, an actress who unwisely used Japan as a starting point for a failed movie career, and a Japanese astronaut (Eija Okada, sadly far removed from brilliant films like "Hiroshima, Mon Amour") bounce across the moon. You can almost see the trampolines. Another time, as Guilala moves across the countryside, a soldier on a ladder moves a cardboard cutout of the monster across a map. It reminds me of "Varan, The Unbelievable" when the army comes up with a detailed miniature model of Varan for their strategy board only minutes after the monster first appears.

The miniatures tanks and jets are sub-par even for Japanese films. In one scene, a jet gets taken out and hits the water, looking about as large as an oil tanker.

The funniest part of the movie, aside from the annoying theme song ("Stars are our destiny..."), is the monster. It looks as if the monster suit is a size too large for the actor inside. Guilala shoots fireballs so fake-looking you can almost see the strings guiding them towards the tanks and jets. The monster smashes through the cheap cardboard city buildings a little too quickly (obviously the director didn't know that slowing the film speed a little would have helped). It's roar is, at first, laughable, then, finally, just plain irritating. There's a scene later where Guilala chases after a jeep hauling a trailer full of radioactive material. The jeep's doing about 80 and Guilala's running after it in slow-motion (not the slow-mo like "Six Million Dollar Man," but as if the actor was being told to walk oddly to avoid catching up to the jeep too quickly).

I saw this film on "Creature Double Feature," a hugely popular syndicated sci-fi/horror anthology popular in the 1970's and early 80's (wow, I'm getting old). I watched it just for the laughs when I was only seven, so that shows how bad the film is if it can't get past a child.