The Million Eyes of Sumuru

This (like Satan in High Heels, Myra Breckinridge, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) is one of those unknown delights produced by the Fab, Mod, Decadent Decade of the Sixties. The child of twisted, tacky sleazemeister Harry Allan Towers (sort of the UK's answer to Russ Meyers--somebody really ought to do a book on Towers--his collaboration with Spanish schlock artist Jesus Franco alone is worth some sort of award for the pinnacle of filmic tackiness), this movie has very little to do with the original novels by Fu Manchu's father, Sax Rohmer. The novels are well worth seeking out--try any online auction site. The best of them is probably The Return of Sumuru and it's pretty easy to get hold of. The original novels were rife with racist attitudes left over from the bygone era of British imperialism, with some new Cold War hysteria and anti-feminist paranoia thrown in for good measure. Sumuru, who was really the heroine, spent most of the novels lolling around nude on mink rugs smoking endless cigarettes or stalking around in high heels sipping liqueur and pondering how ugliness was the root of all that was wrong with the modern world. Rohmer came from an era when homosexuality simply wasn't mentioned so some of the lesbian implications of Sumuru's paradise were glossed over with almost unbelievable naivete. Trust Harry Allan Towers not to let THAT moxie slip past his capable paws. He even includes Klaus Kinski as a gay man marked for death by Sumuru--perhaps because he couldn't be seduced by any of her agents (though I'm sure he would have LOVED to have helped her with her wardrobe, had she given him a chance).

As Sumuru, Shirley Eaton chews up the scenery with tremendous eclat, and gets fantastic dramatic mileage out of that cigarette holder. Check out her new autobiography for some behind the scenes anecdotes about the filming of the two movies (and the true story of how Towers shamelessly grabbed footage from the Rio film and inserted it in the Blood of Fu Manchu without Shirley's knowledge). Frankie Avalon, George Nader and Wilfred Hyde-White are all ridiculous as Sumuru's opponents, which is exactly as it should be. Of Sumuru's agents, my favorite would have to be Helga, as incarnated by the zaftig Maria Rohm (a regular of various Towers productions--I think she was his girlfriend).

It is truly tragic that this movie is ONLY available as an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Something this sublimely awful deserves to be savored in pristine form. Picket YOUR video store today, and demand Sumuru movies now!

It is really strange that most people seem to think this movie is unintentionally funny, but the truth is it surely was made as a parody of the 60's spy movies. George Nader is frequently bumping into something and has a lot of funny lines to say. He is obviously the stupid counterpart of his other role at this time, FBI agent "Jerry Cotton".

A big problem in enjoying this beautiful fun is however, that most available versions present this (shot in 2,35:1-Scope) film in shitty fullscreen transfers, so you can see only half of the real image and missing much important picture information on both sides, so you sometimes can hardly tell what's going on.

I'm sure, the day this finally will be released in a decent OAR-transfer the film will win a lot of admirers!

Shirley Eaton, who earned some screen immortality as the babe covered in gold in "Goldfinger", plays the title Sax Rohmer character in this patently ridiculous, very tongue-in-cheek international-intrigue action flick. Teen idol Frankie Avalon and George Nader of "Robot Monster" infamy play some sort of special agents who must foil the efforts of our villainess, a feminist looking to replace world leaders with her ladies. She has the whole shebang: an island stronghold, secret passageways, an armoury, etc.

Featuring tons of gunfire but very little blood, "The Million Eyes of Sumuru" is a hoot and a half. You realize very quickly that it's not meant to be taken seriously, with its goofy performances and acres of really dumb dialogue. For this viewer, it never really induced belly laughs, but it put a smile on his face a number of times. Certainly it's hard to go wrong with a bevy of sexy female baddies. The sensual Maria Rohm got an "introducing" credit here, playing the role of Helga, a girl who's not too far gone, and is able to rejoin the forces of good. Nader and Avalon are amusing, with Nader making for a horrible dime store version of James Bond - but a very upbeat one. Special guest stars Wilfrid Hyde-White and Klaus Kinski are most welcome; the former almost always has a smile on his face, and Kinski is priceless as a leader named "Boong". But the performer to really see this movie for is Eaton, who does like she's relishing this moment in the spotlight.

The exotic settings are of course a plus (this is set in some fictional Asian locale, but was filmed in and around Hong Kong), and the picture is gorgeously photographed in 2.35:1 by John von Kotze.

One thing must be said before this review concludes: this script, as silly as it is, includes some surprisingly "meta" moments for 1967.

Eaton reprised her role in "The Girl from Rio", which was directed by Euro-cult favourite Jess Franco.

Six out of 10.

THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU is one of the millions of Harry Alan Towers-produced movies made during the 1960s that were usually filmed in various exotic locations; Hong Kong was the choice for this one. Based on a Sax Rohmer story, this is a film which serves to emulate the popularity of the Christopher Lee-starring Fu Manchu movies which were being made at the same time, except with an all-female twist.

Sadly, it's a bit of a boring affair, a definite case of style over substance and a film which feels rather insipid and tame when watched with modern eyes. Shirley Eaton (GOLDFINGER) is the titular foe, who sends her all-woman army out to kill various world leaders in a bid for world domination. Only two men can stop her: the wooden George Nader (ROBOT MONSTER) and the equally wooden singer-turned-actor Frankie Avalon.

What follows is light, fluffy, and predictable, and this feels much like the Italian Bond rip-offs that flooded cinemas during the late '60s. There are lots of beautiful Euro starlets wandering around showing acres of flesh, a typically bizarre cameo role for Klaus Kinski, and Wilfrid Hyde-White propping up the scenery as he did in many a Towers-produced film. Fans of '60s kitsch might find something to enjoy here, but those who require more substance should look elsewhere. A Jess Franco-helmed sequel, THE GIRL FROM RIO, followed.

Silly as this movie may be, it does evoke a certain aspect of 1960s culture, so if you're nostalgic for beehive hair-dos, go-go boots, narrow neckties, white lipstick, etc -- sit back and enjoy. The plot and acting here are beneath notice but the pace is snappy and it does have a few oddball moment of note. See Frankie Avalon acting tough and throwing a hand grenade! See Wilfred Hyde-White slumming it! See George Nader in chains being whipped by Shirley Eaton! This whipping scene, in fact, is the movie's highlight. Not only does a bare-chested Nader look pretty good for a man in his mid-40s, but note that his belt is unbuckled. Did the wicked Su-muru plan to pull down his pants after the whipping? Inquiring minds want to know!