La casa de las mil muñecas

Dear Mr. Price, Vincent,

You are my favorite actor of all times. I was only 8 years old when I spotted you for the first time in "Edward Scissorhands". Back then, I didn't yet know that writer/director Tim Burton created the role of The Inventor especially for you as a tribute and to honor your entire life in the field of horror movies. By the time I was old enough to realize what a magnificent career you had throughout five full decades, you already passed away, but I spent the next 20 years seeking out and discovering your film classics one by one. Thank you for all the horror greatness! So many titles on your repertoire rank among my personal favorite films, like "The Witchfinder General", "House of Wax", "Laura", "The Abominable Dr. Phibes", "The Fly", "Tower of London", "The Mad Magician", "Last Man on Earth", "The House of Seven Gables" and every single installment in the Edgar Allan Poe cycle that you made with director Roger Corman. Some films were less amazing, like "The Monster Club" or "Madhouse", but I had never really encountered a terrible Vincent Price film... until now!

"House of a 1.000 Dolls" was truly an ordeal to struggle through! I sincerely cannot fathom how the producers managed to pull you aboard for this one. The basic premise, with you as a low-keyed magician in Tangiers operating a vicious network that kidnaps young women and trades them as white slaves, is potentially fascinating enough, but you must have noticed immediately - with all your intellect and experience - that the screenplay was horribly boring and inept? The pacing never properly picks up, and for each remotely interesting sequence (like when the random stranger menaces you outside of the theater) there is seemingly endless footage of people randomly talking. The mystery plot surrounding the "King of Hearts" is lame and predictable, none of your other colleagues gives a likable performance and there's zilch atmosphere or tension. I had to battle sleep during "House of 1.000 Dolls", which is something I never thought would happen during a Vincent Price movie. The finale is pitiable too, by the way. Evil geniuses aren't supposed to be defeated as stupidly as in this film. Still, even though you obviously perform on automatic pilot, you still are the best asset of this poor film, by far.

It was most interesting to find out that even geniuses like yourself occasionally made wrong starring choices, possibly driven by contractual obligations or attractive paychecks. I only still have a handful of your films to see, and it's quite comforting to know that none of them will be as dire and lifeless as this one. May you forever rest in peace!

This Spanish/British/German co-production was on AIP's back-burner for quite a while. Eventually, Vincent Price did the film as part of his contractual obligations to the company. Producer/Director Harry Allan Towers specialized in sleazy European thrillers and this one is no exception. When a vacationing couple (George Nader and Anne Smyrner) in Tangiers run into an old friend there, they discover that he is searching for his missing girlfriend (Maria Rohm, Tower's real-life wife) who has been kidnapped by an international gang of white slavers. Nader investigates but before he can come up with anything, his friend is murdered. Meanwhile, nightclub magician Price and his mentalist partner (Martha Hyer), continue their nefarious activities--they hypnotize and kidnap young women for the 'White Slavers', and spirit them to the "House of 1000 Dolls." Yep, that's the plot outline folks, at least in the American cut of the film. Price and Ms. Hyer (who had just married producer Hal Wallis) shared a great interest in art, and in their spare time, they visited local museums together. Years later, when asked about this film, Price had this to say: "What she (Ms. Hyer) and I didn't know was, at the same time, they were making a 'dirty' version of the film. Every day we had off, they'd make a 'dirty version'. We went visiting on the set one day, and there was everyone naked! and they weren't even the same girls!" This explains why the American print of the film runs 78 minutes and the one seen in Europe is various lengths, from 90 to 98 minutes. Thanks to some atmospheric photography,an attractive musical score by Charles Camilleri and good performances from Price, Hyer and Nader, the film is watchable, and the girls are beautiful. This movie played most places with another Towers/Nader potboiler, "The Million Eyes Of Su- Muru" which isn't even as entertaining as this one.

i think vincent price was one of the greatest actors to ever live, but i have to admit that i don't understand why he degraded himself by starring in this boring, dull, and ultimately pointless bore. the only reason i can think of that they made it at all is that the idea of a whorehouse or female slaves must have been hot stuff on the screen in 1967. was it supposed to be scandalous or something? because otherwise this one is about as exciting and involving as reading a periodical on the cause of varicose veins. it doesn't even work as a goofy camp movie, because it's too solemn and dull. as always price gives an above average performance, but it does nothing for this clunker because the movie as a whole is so fundamentally bad and uninteresting. even if you're a price completist like myself, don't bother watching it, just buy it to fill the whole in your collection.

For bargain-basement Bond and a not-unpleasant 90 minutes, you could do a lot worse than "Dolls." It was made right on the cusp between naughty and not-so-naughty exploitation. Nobody drops a bra, but, junior, you can tell the industry is just a step away from barin' the babes and bustin' loose those free-love vibes.

Plot is pretty standard: We've got a married couple getting ensnared by a white-slavery racket in Tangiers (location filming, by the way). It's got old pros Vincent Price and Martha Hyer in on the intrigue, and George Nader shaking off Rock Hudson long enough to fly over the pond and put this one away.

Mostly, it's all about beautiful babes swingin' their way through the swingin' '60s - and some of the most sluggish, haphazard and least- exciting fistfights you'll see in a long time. Maybe this is the key: It's a Spanish-German co-production. So... in Europe, the women are gorgeous but the stuntmen move like they're encased in slowly hardening lucite. Lotta hollering, too.

It's one of those odd movies that may leave you thinking: They need a dab more violence here. And less hollering.

And that closing song: EEEeeeee-Yowwww!!!

I'm actually not sure what to make of House of a Thousand Dolls. I didn't hate it, but I wasn't crazy about it either. The best thing about it is easily Vincent Price, he is not in the film much but when he is on screen he completely commands it with a durable elegance and a touch of menace. Martha Hyer and George Nader do give reasonable performances as well, but not on Price's level. There is a good score and opening credits song and some of the photography does give some effective atmosphere. On the other hand, there are a number of failings, such as the sluggish fist-fights, mind-numbing dialogue and the fact that the characters just seem to be there but with nothing to make them particularly interesting. The story never really engaged me either, the basic thrust of the story, the more mystery/thriller-like stuff, is very dull, while the deaths and floggings are bloody and nasty but with little subtlety and taste. They like the characters seem to be there but again other than for shock value little is interesting about them. The twist is irrelevant and adds nothing to the film, so overall while I have seen far worse House of A Thousand Dolls for me was a very odd film. 5/10 Bethany Cox