Novices libertines

This film predates Amsterdammned as a film with a scuba suit wearing psycho killer. Problem with scuba suits is that you can't move around well on land in them. That is no problem for this killer since many of his victims seem to literally walk right into his arms.

The series of killings, part of this film is the weak section, but the lair of the killer (which I won't spoil by telling what it is) final reel is worth the wait. Everything improves including the music during the final reel and when it's all over you'll feel better about the whole film than you will during parts in the middle. Most of the best images in the film are from that final 10 minutes but there are definitely some you'll remember.

Comedy intentional and unintentional also helps keep the film going. At least the American print I saw has almost no on screen violence, other than the macabre chase at the end. Dubbing is pretty poor but that goes with the territory.

A restoration of the original Italian version would be a great improvement I'm sure. Fans of films set in Venice will want to give this a look. Too bad the budget couldn't allow for any underwater photography that would have helped the early sections a great deal. All I'll say about the killer's identity is that in some Giallos the revelation is one of those, who was that guy again? In some Giallos that's the way it is.

Embalmer, The (1965)

** (out of 4)

A psychotic killer is on the loose in Venice but the police don't have a clue to who's killing all the beautiful women. This Italian film is also known as The Monster of Venice and is mildly interesting since it tries to mix the Italian giallo with the German krimi but the end results aren't as good as I had hoped. I'd still recommend this to those wanted to see where Dario Argento was influenced. The biggest problem is that the film is simply too slow to be any good and the actual mystery really isn't all that interesting. A few interesting ideas pop up including the killer who uses scuba gear so that he can make his escape and kill his victims at the same time. This is part of a Vintage triple feature that includes The Screaming Skull and I Eat Your Skin, which can be picked up at Best Buy for $7. The print here is in very bad shape but it's letterboxed, which I believe is a first for this film.

I was really expecting something pretty good from The Embalmer...but unfortunately all I got was a dreary horror flick with a couple of good ideas and a complete lack of suspense. The film was apparently inspired by Edgar Wallace, who was the inspiration for a lot of the German "Krimi" style of film-making. Not being too familiar with Wallace's work, I can't say how true that is - but The Embalmer is certainly not the Giallo I was expecting. The film is set in Venice, and makes best use of the scenery...though it does get a bit boring as the film sets the scene without putting anything relevant to the story with it! The film was possibly an inspiration on the brilliant Dutch "Giallo" Amsterdamned as it focuses on a killer who lives under the Venetian canals. The killer is selecting young women of Venice and dragging them to the depths of the canal, where he has his way with them - by filling them up with embalming fluid to keep them beautiful for all time (etc etc). A journalist picks up the story, and soon ends up falling in love with the killer's next victim.

The main problem with this film is that it's entirely lacklustre! The cinematography, acting, direction, plot line etc all stink of a group of people that couldn't really be bothered to come up with something half decent. The film is not very suspenseful at all, and a lot of is made up of mind numbing diatribe, which means that when we actually get to watch the killer with his victims, most viewers will already be bored out of their brains. The killer himself looks cool - completed clad in black with a skull mask, but that's the only good thing about him. He makes long winded speeches to his dead victims that were obviously intended to be scary, but actually come as being rather silly. It does boil down to a fairly decent finale, which despite not justifying the rest of the film; at least ensures that the movie doesn't just leave a bad taste in the viewer's mouths by the end of the film. Overall, this is a good film to track down because it's extremely rare and seen in some circles as a precursor to the Giallo genre - but trust me, it's not worth the time and effort!

Like the sour and salty odour of Parmesan, this film reminds you that not every Italian horror film is as serious as Il Demonio. Instead, the Embalmer embraces you like a melted Tellagio and a warm Cacio (with Pepe, of course). We have a killer who alternates between dressing up as a skull faced monk and dressing up as a scuba diving serial killer! This film takes place in Venice (hence: the killer using scuba gear to snare his victims), and although the kills are spread across the film like Bel Paese over a nice Panini, there are patches of the film where my mind was wandering, which caused a jerk reaction like that of the olfactory sensation of sniffing a particularly ripe Cambazola.

For the most part though the film is like cutting into a Calzone and seeing the contents ooze out. Loads of Mozzarella cheese, basically. From the Italian-Elvis clone bursting from a sarcophagus and singing an Italian-Elvis Clone song to the killer having a severe case of expositionitus, this film is like eating a sandwich which consists of a sharp Provolone with Parma Ham - High notes mixed with dull, Earthy plodding plot.

The milky Fontina element comes from the bad dubbing, the gratuitous touring of Venice (including a glass blowing shop!) and the bad acting. The pecorino like goodness comes from the surprisingly high body count and the fact that the killer is really the guy you though immediately was the killer.

It's kind of sweet (like Marscopone and Ricotta) that the film does try to give you some red herrings, but the film is not the best in terms of what Italian 1965 horror has to offer, kind of like Goronzola, you wouldn't pick it first if someone served you a plate of bad analogies.

This might come as a surprise, but I used to sell Italian cheese. Now I just watch it.

A man in a diving suit keeps going into the same underwater passage, picking girls off the same area on the wharf, for the purpose of preserving them. A reporter gets wind of this and tries to figure out what is going on. This takes place in Venice. It is full of stock footage and ridiculously long chases. At one point the hero has to slow down so he doesn't catch the guy he's chasing. There is never an explanation why the bad guy is doing this, nor do we care what happens to anyone. It's just another one of those movies made in the sixties to be put in double features at drive in movies where no one watches anyway. The sound is bad; the acting is awful, dubbed from Italian. There are barely any laughs.