Le tour du monde sous les mers

I have fond memories of this film, and watching it now they come back as strong as ever. Not only does lovely Bond girl Shirley Eaton make an appearance, but the stars of many of my fave shows of the 60s are present and accounted for: Lloyd Bridges (Mike Nelson of Sea Hunt), Brian Kelly (dad to Flipper), Marshall Thompson (Daktari himself), and David McCallum (the ever-cool Illya Kuryakin of U.N.C.L.E.). Along with the superb Keenan Wynn these cast members make a good compliment of aquanauts traveling in a futuristic sub on a mission to plant earthquake detecting devices around the globe. There's a solid script, just enough tension, and assured performances that supply a fun and diverting story. What really shines are the excellent underwater sequences courtesy of the Tors unit that set the standard for underwater action sequences (such as their Bond film sequences). Photographer Lamar Boren and director Ricou Browning do some of their best work here. The sub here is a real one (I found it decades later lying by the side of the interstate highway in south Florida next to an amusement park). It was built in 1956 by Martine Diving Bells of San Diego. Another nice part of this film are the great special effects by Project Unlimited (TV's Outer Limits and the props from the original Star Trek). While all the film seems quite dated now, it was believable action in its day, the sort of thing that was a not-so-guilty pleasure for a kid like me back then, and still very enjoyable today. Note the excellent score by Harry Sukman, which was released as a soundtrack LP that is a rare find these days.

This is a truly incredible film - by which I mean it isn't the least bit credible. Anyone who knows anything about diving or oceanography (or for that matter, science in general) will howl at the dozens of mistakes and improbabilities.

In a small, Beatles-style yellow submarine that seems barely big enough for 4 testosterone-fuelled men's men and one pretty woman, our heroes are required to travel around the ENTIRE WORLD and place 50 earthquake sensors at strategic points on the seafloor to create a warning system of the impending destruction of the earth by seismic forces! They manage to do this in just one month! The sensors are "anchored" to the seabed by making them explode!

The first sensor is placed at the bottom of a trench 6 miles deep. The guy (for some reason I've forgotten) actually leaves the sub in his diving suit! At this depth, his entire body would implode instantly from the pressure. Incredibly, the seabed at this depth is light and swarming with fish! In reality, it would be totally dark and devoid of life.

At one point, they are in a very rich area of ocean, where the "minestrone" of available food biomass attracts millions of fish. We get the warning that "little fish attract big fish", so we expect maybe a 20-foot shark... But no, the sub is attacked by a mutant conger eel that must be at least 100 feet long! It totally dwarfs the sub. This is so ridiculous, as you can tell from the way it moves it's just a very tiny eel in a tank. In the exterior shots of the sub, it's so obviously just a small lightweight model in a fishtank. The special effects budget of this movie must have been nil.

The best line is this movie is when Shirley Eaton's character says of the female sex, "We have men to thank for our freedom, but sometimes we don't know how to handle it!" I think this was in response to the suggestion that women lead men on sexually, sometimes to their downfall. Well, she may be a scientist, but at least she isn't some crazy feminist! ;-) This film is so dated in general, it's amazing it was made as recently as 1966! There's a palpable mid-to-late 50s feel. The woman is there for the sole purpose of creating tension with the men who lust after her and fight among themselves. In fact, most of the movie's drama comes from the effect this bimbo scientist has on her crewmates' testosterone levels. She is actually wearing stiletto heels when she boards the submarine.

The end of the movie is the most hilarious part. The sub is half-buried by a volcanic rockfall, so the captain suggests blowing the buried half off with dynamite to free them! They all accept this rational-sounding theory without complaint. Dozens of sticks of dynamite and plastique are wired INSIDE the sub. They blow the back half of the thing clean off and stay safely sealed in the bridge compartment. How ridiculous! But the front of the sub is still not free! So Lloyd Bridges must venture outside and burn through what looks like a 6-inch cable using a flare! They have to "equalize the pressure" inside the half-destroyed sub by opening the hatch, while trying to prevent too much water rushing in! They're running out of air fast, yet deem it sensible to waste bottled O2 on the pet guineapigs.

The crew take about a minute to return from the seabed to the surface. Conveniently enough, there's a chopper already there to rescue them! The joy that other viewers must have experienced (in realizing this film was finally over and they could do something worthwhile instead) was not shared by me. I realized that, with such a rapid ascent and no decompression chamber onboard the chopper, they would all certainly die an agonizing death from decompression sickness. Ah well.

The movie totally lacks suspense or thrills, but is mildly enjoyable for its unintended humorousness. David McCallum's performance as the menacing and creepy blonde European type you can never trust is, as usual, entertaining.

A familiar cast, colorful underwater photography and unintentional laughs help make this completely unrealistic adventure film palatable. Due to increased seismic activity around the globe, a team of experts is assigned to float around the oceans of the world in a tiny submarine, planting sensors that will help predict underwater earthquakes. Bridges and Kelly (who earned their fins on the TV shows "Sea Hunt" and "Flipper", respectively) head up the mission, each competing to see who can most often rip their shirt off at a moments notice in order to fix some problem. Other scientists on board are older, rather colorless Thompson, bespectacled McCallum, reluctant Wynn and curvy, brassy blonde Eaton who boards the sub in white heels and a dress with a slit up the side. They trot around the globe as if it's the size of The Gulf of Mexico, planting their sensors (which, ludicrously, must explode in order to be anchored to the ground!) and experiencing various inter-personal conflicts. Moments after the credits have ended, credibility has already been jettisoned. Kelly, in a diving bell, gets knocked by a whale and Bridges dives 150 feet down without benefit of air and leisurely peeks in the window and knocks on the door! Later, he swims down to Wynn's underwater lair and, when his tank runs out, Wynn somehow (by benefit of an unseen Bat Pole?) goes from casual street clothes to a skin tight diving suit within seconds to rescue him! Also, unbelievably, Thompson proposes marriage to Eaton, yet she's already shacked up with McCallum previous to the mission and now has her sights set on Kelly! Small world! She claims not to be leading any of the men on, yet continuously gives it the "look at my body" act, up to and including an Esther Williams-esque swim in which she swirls her blonde mane towards the sub window and extends her bikini-clad body to it's fullest extent! Term papers could be written about the many, many scientific implausibilities of the film, but it's more fun to just sit back and make fun of the hysterically bad plotting and direction. Watch as Eaton and Kelly stare longingly at each other JUST AS two fish swim by and seem to nuzzle each other before disappearing behind a rock to do God knows what. Then they share a Doris and Rock-style moment with them each in bed, back to back, aching for each other over a cigarette. Who cares if the world may explode any minute? They're hot for each other, darn it! There are two guinea pigs on board. Watch for the second time the sub pitches forward and one of them finds it's face buried squarely in the behind of the other. By the way, Thompson loses Eaton, but seems perfectly happy to have wound up with these two rodents as a consolation prize. If one decompresses his brain for two hours, the film does have some interesting imagery, creative situations and manages to have some degree of suspense wondering who, if anyone, will die. Viewers looking for logic, reality or even sense, will be highly disappointed.

Dr. Doug Standish (Lloyd Bridges) leads a group of scientists on the civilian research submarine Hydronaut. They circumnavigate the globe to place monitoring sensors on the ocean floor to predict earthquakes.

The premise is not exciting. The movie struggles to gain any thrills. There is some unconvincing submarine work despite some good underwater work. It's sci-fi from the 50's and 60's. It's science over story. It tries to spice it up with the addition of a pretty blonde lady scientist. It's a mixed bag of futurist sci-fi and broad melodramatic story telling. This is a slow, grinding watch.

One of my sci-fi/horror/fantasy reviews written 50 years ago: Andrew Marton directed for producer Ivan Tors and MGM Pictures release. Starring Lloyd Bridges, David McCallum, Shirley Eaton, Brian Kelly, Marshall Thompson, Keenan Wynn and Gary Merrill.

Despite its major studio theatrical release, this film has the false glossy look of a telefeature. Accentuated by the presence of a solid lineup of TV castoffs, the crew of the hydronaut vessel goes around planting electronic gadgets designed to give warnings of impending tidal waves. They must deal with typical catastrophe emergencies along the way. The emphasis is on scientific adventure in this flick, rather than sci-fi.