Alvin Purple

Opening with an act of sexual assault Alvin Purple chronicles the adventures of Greame Blundell's sexual addiction and the difficultly of finding an Australian actress with an attractive face. The film flashes back to Purple's high school years where the same problems exist along with every leading male in an Australian film or television show looking exactly the same for forty years. For a counter cultural sexploitation film it has no qualms with using Benny Hill material. We skip to Alvin's 21st birthday where we're introduced to the various middle aged homosexual relatives in Alvin Purple's life along with a montage of bogan disco and the viewer begins feeling frustrated and wondering when an attractive actress will appear in this film. Well after watching some very awkward, uncomfortable nudity and sex scenes akin to walking in on your parents naked there appears to be some solace about twenty three minutes in with a very satisfying homage to equestrian sports somewhat marred by indulgent psychedelic (lazy) coverage and editing. Anyway, we go through a number of pointless episodic sequences of Alvin as a waterbed salesman we're introduced to Purple's psychiatrist who works with the sex addict's obsession and lack of pleasure. This leads to more episodic sequences and Benny Hill sketches eventually leading to Purple being a sex therapist again letting the viewer wait until an attractive female appears on screen. In this case it's 50 minutes into the film. Of course, this brothel of one is uncovered, Purple goes to court and the film ends with a 70s car chase. It's all very uncreative, unsuspenful and uninteresting and most likely because of its budgetary limits and crappy screenplay so eagerly looking for respect or mainstream appeal when it should just accept its sexploitation leanings.

"Alvin Purple" is surely one of the most boring movies ever made. Sure, it's got quite a bit of nudity (most of it from its unattractive star, Graeme Blundell), but you'll need to fast-forward through much of its run-time if that's all you want to get out of it.

It's also not amusing in the least. There is not one laugh to be had throughout its estimated 4 hour length.

The plot is something about a boring, ugly guy who is irresistible to women but does not reciprocate this attraction. He's not gay, just not interesting enough to be interested. In anything.

I think the filmmakers took cues from "The Graduate", with its inert, homely star and his paramour. In this one there's more sex, less humour, and above all, more tedium. It's one of those movies where it feels like nothing happens for the longest part of it. There's an endless court scene which leads to a car chase and then something to do with sky diving...

Oh, and of course the one woman Alvin is really interested in, the goody two shoes who never takes her clothes off despite being better looking than all the ones who do. At this point I am forced to conclude that Graeme Blundell's Alvin is not just unattractive, but repulsive. I couldn't watch this movie toward the end and I may as well blame him as its most visible target. I pray to god I never have to sit through this again.

For reasons I now forget, I queued up "Alvin Purple" on my Quickflix list, and it turned up the other day. It may have been the Tim Burstall connection, as I had watched "Stork" again not so long ago, which in turn was inspired by "Oz", and I won't bore you further about that chain-of-command.

Now, I saw AP first many years ago, probably at the cinema, and then again ... what ... 10, 15 years ago? Whatever, the only scenes I could remember were the opening, on the tram heading down, I would now say, Royal Parade (which before I would have bet was St Kilda Rd), and he confronts our own Abigail. I still think of, and use, the "Jeez you've got nice tits", line to this day.

And the second is when he rides his bicycle into the garage door at the (Nth Balwyn?) home of his teacher, whose wife is committing almost-but-not-quite statutory rape on the schoolboy Alvin.

The film was and is notorious for many reasons, not for its Brian Cadd soundtrack but more for the full-frontal nudity that was exceptional for its time in mainstream cinema, (In the interviews Jacki Weaver talks about her nude scene with nostalgic coyness), and possibly for its conceits that a) women not only enjoy sex but b) go after it.

Of course, we all know some guys who are "lookers", in that they have that certain, special something that attracts women. Invariably we shake our heads in wonder.

After watching the film, I see that there are some extras, so I have a look and there is a contemporary "making of .." documentary, which is truly fascinating, and some much later interviews with the main people that you can miss no worries.

So I watched the "making of" and then so educated, I soberly watched the movie again, just now.

It's terrific. Ok, it's a piece of Aussie junk but it has a good story; good script (written by Aussie playwright and actor); and chock full of nostalgic icons like Crest Lager, Chrysler Chargers, and footage of Melbourne in the good old days.

I highly recommend it for a fun night in. If the Catholic Church got upset by "Life of Brian", one can only gleefully imagine their apoplexy at the idea of nuns getting hot for Alvin as he keeps the convent's garden.

Note the soundtrack at this point: "Gingerman" in an early Cadd arrangement.

Christ on a bike, were they trying to do an Oz version of Gone With The Wind here? Flashbacks, psychology, voiceovers, time-lapse photography, courtroom drama only for a sexcomedy about an average Ocker whom the girls can't resist? How much attention and energy did the producers think I'm willing to invest?

Actually lead actor Graeme Blundell with his odd, impish charme is the movie's biggest asset. The girls are simply not that hot for an escapist fantasy and their roles are far too ambitious and grandiose. There are not nearly enough nor good enough saucy scenes; when at long last one of them gets her knockers out, the scene turns into a painting-each-other-with-acrylic-colours hippiefest, and the plot is at the same time complex but not interesting enough.

There are some nice scenes of bygone Melbourne though.

This is the first sex comedy I ever watched in my life. Sure I watched a lot of films that considered themselves as sex comedies but there was no sex in them, just some goofy romance. Sure there were some of those teen sex movies that came close but this movie is about adults has a lot of sex and it's very funny.

I also think this is very good Don Juan movie, I mean it's heck of a lot better then that "Don Juan" movie with Johny Depp. Besides what I also enjoy about Australian movies is that they are not pretentious. They are not burdened with the notion "Will it get an award on some movie festival or not." No! This movie doesn't care about that, it doesn't try to be something more than it is. I watched a lot of those "coming of age" movies when you see some fellow's sudden sexual awakening and then director gets to much worked up over it and tries to be a philosopher about how people change when they loose their virginity. But not this movie, which thankfully delivers more than those movies can hope to.