La masseuse perverse

"Clinic Exclusive", also known as "With These Hands...", is an outlier among British sexploitation flicks, and I wonder if that is why I had never heard of it until today. For one thing, it's not a comedy, which almost all British sex flicks were. We're spared the cringe-inducing comedy of the "Confessions" series. It also seems to try to tell a serious story.

This is the problem, as it so often is with movies that try to be erotic. Either the sex gets in the way of the story, or the story gets in the way of the sex. There's so much nudity in the first half of the movie that I expected a light sex-farce, with an unobtrusive plot that would just provide ample opportunities for the girls in the movie to show off their ample assets. In the second half of the movie, however, the nudity and sex takes a backseat to a serious, if rather silly, story.

The protagonist is a raven-haired vixen who works at an unspecified "clinic" in which she prostitutes herself to her clients and blackmails the richer ones with the threat of revealing their licentiousness. At first we follow Julie doing what she does, allowing herself to be molested by an old man whose butt the movie regrettably shows us, and also detailing a relationship she has with an older lesbian who is apparently in love with her. Also regrettably, the movie shows the harsh-featured, middle-aged Sappho topless.

In the second half of the movie, the protagonist seems to fall in love with one of her clients, and is shown questioning her amoral behaviour. The movie turns into a lesson in morals, which I'm pretty sure nobody who saw it expected, or wanted.

The last thing that sets this movie apart from all the other British sleaze that came out in the '70s is the performance by the main actress, Georgina Ward. It's actually fairly powerful. She's ideally chosen as a cold-hearted vixen who uses her sex appeal to ensnare people. It's only in the movie's bathetic climax that I didn't believe her, repeating words and phrases rapid fire as she does, like a robot gone haywire.

It's the screenplay that lets it down. It was written by Hazel Adair, whose "Virgin Witch" is a sleaze classic. Here, though, the story undercuts it, and if they wanted to make a sexploitation flick they should have kept it as light as it is in the beginning. If they wanted to make a serious movie about morality, they should have used that approach from the beginning.

SEX CLINIC offers something a little different from your usual British sexploitation movie, although that doesn't make it good. In fact it tells a somewhat tight and inventive storyline about a scheming antagonist who has all of the men (and women) in her life wrapped around her little figure. Said figure is played by the attractive Georgina Ward, who runs a kind of spa/clinic where all kinds of sexual shenanigans are going on. Co-writer Hazel Adair also wrote KEEP IT UP DOWNSTAIRS but is chiefly known for writing the long-running soap CROSSROADS, and SEX CLINIC feels like nothing more than a soap with extra sex and sauce.

Much of the running time seems concerned with Ward's efforts to seduce those around her for profit, so there are a lot of softcore fumblings. Ward certainly isn't a shy actress and seems to spend half of the running time naked. The rest of the film is a bit of a mess, with familiar faces popping up but an overall vignette style to the narrative which eventually begins to drag in the second half. Bizarrely, this is a film which was directed by Don Chaffey, who once helmed the great JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS but must have fallen on hard times. Peter Halliday and Windsor Davies have small parts (fnar fnar) and there's the unforgettable and frankly unwanted chance to see Carmen Silvera, Rene's wife in 'ALLO 'ALLO, naked.

A fellow poster has pointed out, somewhat acerbically, that no 'self-appointed expert' has seen fit to comment on this film. Well, I couldn't claim to be an expert, (and isn't every contributor to this site self-appointed?), but I have seen it, so here goes.

The relatively inventive plot from the pen of accomplished scriptwriter Hazel Adair, enacted by an experienced cast, results in an above average film of its kind. Adair, best known as co-creator of the soaps COMPACT, and the long-running CROSSROADS also co-produced the film with her business partner, the ITV voice of wrestling for over thirty years Kent Walton, under the joint pseudonym Elton Hawke.

The classy Georgina Ward is highly effective as Julie, alluring but extremely ruthless proprietor of the clinic where she attends to her wealthy clients' sexual as well as medical needs, prior to blackmailing them. This situation is developed with some skill, leading to an unexpected finale. The frequent nude and (extremely) brief sex scenes are blended smoothly into the plot and refreshingly lack that snickering, self-conscious approach that typify many similar British films.

The likes of Alex Davion, Vincent Ball and Tony Wright, turned up quite often in the sort of British 'B' of a few years earlier that this kind of film replaced to a certain extent, and in some ways resembles. Carmen Silvera is memorable in a minor, but pivotal role as Julie's spurned lesbian lover.

I stumbled across this rather odd film quite by chance, 2025 on a TV channel that may number its viewers in hundreds?? ('Together TV').

The other reviews have done an excellent job describing it, though I can repeat that the Brit film business was on its knees at the time, with the odd exception, kept alive by a succession of the hugely popular Carry On series, and the acting stalwarts relying on TV to pay the bills (& panto perhaps?!) with the occasional appearance in say the 'Confessions' sex comedy series (& the assorted copycats). This movie would be like those, but unusually has no attempted comedy, it's played straight.

As has been pointed out, lead actress Georgina Ward got shamed out of a bid to be an MP due to lurid photos of her in this film. Which seems odd, looking back, the later wife in Allo Allo was in this, as was Windsor Davies, who had great sitcom successes. Acting royalty like Helen Mirren and Joanna Lumley also appeared in films that required their chests to get an airing, didn't harm their careers, hypocrisy rules OK (especially given the assorted crooks and perverts that have had seats in the Commons and Lords over the years?!!).

However, my major surprise was on seeing this IMDB listing, and discovering that Hazel Adair helped write it, with one Kent Walton also named. "Who" you may ask? Well, to many now elderly viewers, Walton was the famous commentator for years on the Sat afternoon coverage (ITV) of wrestling (70s, 80s?), telling us how Mick McManus had Jackie Pallo in trouble with a Boston Crab at the Fairfield Halls (Croydon), before they'd do it all again next week at Harringay Arena?! Seems very strange, but perhaps wrestling is just another form of screenplay with its own mini-dramas each week?!

The poster at the top of this article is totally misleading. It gives the impression that this is a 1970s West German-style sex comedy; in fact it is a rather stern morality tale about a ruthless woman running a physiotherapy clinic, while mercilessly exploiting her customers, particularly an elderly love-starved lady who she bleeds white, taking her for every penny;eventually she gets her long overdue, well deserved comeuppance, courtesy of an even more experienced confidence trickster; anyone who watches consumer-advice tv programmes like the BBC's "Watchdog" will see the big con coming a mile off; the only surprise is the con-artist's motive. A pretty average criminal-caper B-movie.