L'auberge de la terreur

Wow. Haha, this one rulez. The version I saw was called TERROR ON THE MENU and made me think twice about that Subway sandwich I had squirreled away for a late night snack ... Eww. This is a nice, subtle little Regional Horror/Comedy effort who's nuances may elude modern day audiences (re: the morons who liked stuff like CHAOS or SAW) but movie fans with a taste for the bizarre and a morbid sense of humor will be well served. Ladled in pun.

THE PLOT: A young circa 1972 era Earth Mother type college babe finds out on the last day of classes that she has been selected the "winner" of an all expenses paid getaway vacation to the Red Wolf Inn, a picturesque Bed & Breakfast on the coast run by an older couple who are the very definition of Ma & Pa Kettle. Some other young ladies are also staying as guests, and after a very elaborate dinner party one of them vanishes. Then another. She starts to get the idea that something is wrong, especially when the grandson of the family catches a shark at the beach one day and proceeds to beat the thing to death against a rock.

That's all I am going to reveal, except to heap praise on that first dinner party, one of the most outrageous cinematic eating experiences since the Eyeball Soup and Chilled Monkey Brains gags from Indiana Jones. The best part of it is the way that the characters chew their food. They don't just masticate, they linger over every mouthful with Pa Kettle stuffing his jowly cheeks with bite after bite of fresh rib tenderloin to the point where he starts to hyperventilate. He chews and chews and chews with an almost orgasmic pleasure that is not just disturbing, it is obscene. They eat and eat and eat until everyone is stuffed and exhausted from the effort ... And then it is time for a slice of that special Key Lime cake. Oh yeah.

This is one of those movies that you are either going to get or you won't. My favorite bit of dialog is when Ma Kettle brings the young guest a plate of sandwiches. She bites down, savoring the special flavor and asks, "What is this?" "Fillet, my dear. Fillet." Lead Linda Gillen is also a bit of subtle mastery, having a kind of quiet sexiness about her that is extremely infectious + kissable, and Ma & Pa Kettle are just the spittin' image of wholesome Americana. They are all about sit down dinners, Sunday afternoon drives, garden chores and old fashioned telephones. Everything in the movie is the perfect display of harmless tradition right down to their grandson and his cousin, the local sheriff. Some folks these days might not understand but if you bring your appetite and finish your plate, I am sure you'll feel right at home. It's like David Lynch crossed with that old TV series V.

The only problem I had with the film is the last 2 seconds after the hilarious closing credits: The filmmakers decided to try and have their cake and eat it too, so to speak, though any movie this perversely good natured gets a pass for not knowing when to quit. Pass the salt.

8/10

This is an off-beat horror film produced by Michael Macready(he produced the two Count Yorga films) and directed by Bud Townsend. It stars Linda Gillen as a young college girl going off for a free vacation to an old-fashioned resort on the beach. It turns out to be not much of a resort with only two other attractive female guests(Pamela and Edwina), Baby John, Uncle Henry, and Aunt Evelyn. The owners, it seems, like to butcher the young girls for their food and prepare them in fantastic culinary dishes. Prior to each girl's departure(their supposed last night at the resort), Aunt Evie and Uncle Henry throw a party and a gourmet meal. Regina(Gillen) catches on and the film moves into some chase scenes and bizarre humour. I found this film to be very suspenseful, tense, and chilling. Many reviewers seem to label it as a comedy-horror film, but there really is not a whole lot of humour other than that of a very underlying subtle kind. The most haunting aspect of the film has to be the performances of Mary Jackson(of Walton's fame) and Arthur Space as the kindly-looking couple that run the inn. They really seem so very nice and normal in many regards, but there is always an underlying sense of something not quite right. This is first evident in a scene which has to be one of the most orgiastic food scenes ever filmed as all the guests and hosts eat a crowned rib roast on Regina's first night at the inn celebrating Pamela's departure. The way all of them attack the food with wild abandon and seem to be lost in pure ecstasy is amazing and horrifying at the same time. Another scene with the somewhat mentally-challenged Baby John catching a shark in the surf and then beating it against a rock is a well-shot scene. Still another wonderful scene is when Edwina's night has come and you see the three hotel folks, dressed in butcher smocks, travel upstairs as a lullaby plays. Quite effective and innovative camerawork here. The film is not particularly gory. It plays things pretty straight until the end, which is really not simpatico with the rest of the film. The end seems a bit rushed and forced, and there is even an attempt at some much broader comedy. It doesn't really work, yet the film as a whole is a very chilling...even disturbing about the nature of madness and trust.

Don't take this movie too seriously. Its funny, yet creepy! Its one of the 1970's horror flicks that ranks right up there with "Children Shouldn't play with dead things" as well as "Don't look in the Basement". However, this one has definitely more humor to it. I recommend it during a Halloween party to be shown, or just sit back and enjoy it! Its nice to let loose and laugh a little!! I don't think its available at stores yet, or even online. If you taped it years ago from WOR, you are in luck! The plot is simply that Regina "wins" a trip to an inn. But she never entered the contest! A seemingly nice old couple are really luring in young women to serve them up at dinner time! I guarantee that you will get ill just from all the food that is being passed around at the table!! Other movies like this are "Corruption" (Peter Cushing), and "The Baby" (Anjanette Comer). I believe "The Baby" is available to purchase. Check out other movies with Peter Cushing, and Christopher Lee.

I saw Terror House as it's called when living in New Jersey in the early 1980's on television. For some reason television in New York and New Jersey as I saw back then was more liberal and showed much more gore and nudity unlike what I have experienced while living here in California. When I first saw this movie it was called Terror at Red Wolf Inn. Even though it was a horror movie laced with comedic touches I found it gross and unsettling at the time. There was a scene in the movie that no longer exists in present prints and I don't understand why it was cut as I realize the movie was re-rated from R to PG later. This was an innocent scenario where the girls were weighed in the kitchen on what appeared to be a meat scale by the owner of the resort to see how much weight each had gained from their gluttonous feasts at the hotel. Another scene now missing was when Margaret Avery's character 'Edwina' after being drugged is carried into the walk-in meat locker and placed on a butcher's table. That's as far as I go with that description. Arthur Space and Mary Jackson I had known before as veterans of movies and television. I now realize that the movie was much more violent than as shown now and would like to see the original uncensored or R-rated version. It is a forgotten 1970's camp classic and should be restored. Compared to today's movies it is much more subtle and disturbing.

"A college student returns to her dorm room after class and discovers she is the winner of an all-expense paid vacation to the Red Wolf Inn. Before she can share her good fortune with her parents, she and two other girls are whisked away to begin their vacation of a lifetime. When one of the guests suddenly disappears, the young woman doesn't believe the explanation the old couple who run the inn gives her concerning the strange goings on at the Red Wolf," according to the DVD sleeve's synopsis.

Offering a delicious slice of low-budget horror cheese; director Bud Townsend and writer Allen Actor, along with a wonderful cast, should absolutely exceed your expectations. There are some flaws, and unanswered questions -- like, what happened to Myrtle? -- but, "Terror House" is too fun to pass up.

Linda Gillen (as Regina McKee) plays a sweet, adorable lead character; and, doesn't she have a great arrangement of The Beatles' "White Album" photos on her dorm wall? John Neilson (as "Baby" John Smith) is just as adorable, albeit touched; love him licking his finger after going for the bottle of after dinner brandy. It's a wonder neither Ms. Gillen nor Mr. Neilson became better known; they certainly had the hair to succeed through the 1980s.

Players in tasty supporting roles include overeating Margaret Avery (as Edwina), hortophile Arthur Space (as Henry), and well-read Janet Wood (as Pamela). But, the best of all may be marvelous "Grandma" Mary Jackson (as Evelyn Smith); her performance definitely is one to savor. Like Ms. Jackson says, "Don't be a party pooper!" Mind your "Grandma", and give yourself a big helping of "Terror House".

****** Terror House (1972) Bud Townsend ~ Linda Gillen, John Neilson, Mary Jackson