Every Afternoon

Swedish WILDCATS, aka EVERY AFTERNOON, is a British sexploitation movie directed by the notorious erotic film director Joseph W. Sarno in a rare detour to the UK - he spent most of his career making US-based movies. This one's very much a complete waste of time, a surprisingly tame film that focuses on stultifying romantic interludes between waste of time characters.

The action is centred around a brothel presided over by the game for a laugh Diana Dors, who is dressed up in revealing attire and barks orders and does patter throughout the movie. The plot then follows the love lives of various prostitutes who work at the place. There is some nudity which comes from seeing them at work stripping and the like, but for the most of the time we're stuck with long, drawn-out interludes of them falling in love with wooden male actors. There are bit parts for two infamous actors: Alan Lake, Dors's real-life husband, and Swedish starlet Christina Lindberg, of THEY CALL HER ONE EYE infamy.

I only grabbed this one because Christina Lindberg (of THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE and SEX AND FURY fame) is in it, and I've got a serious hard-on for that chick. Unfortunately...she's not in it for long, and you only see her tits once, so what you're left with is a boring and un-erotic sleaze film.

Swedish WILDCATS is about a bunch of sluts that work in a brothel. They do some un-sexy dances for their male patrons, and afterwards they do what hookers are best known for. Somewhere in this boring mess is a "love story" between one of the ho's and some guy she met at the park. Throw in a scumbag that the guy from the park works with who has seen the chick at the brothel and wants to ruin their relationship - and there ya have it...

Like another reviewer mentioned - Swedish WILDCATS is pretty much an over-glorified chick-flick with a few tits and asses thrown in for good measure. There are definitely some smokin' chicks in this one, but the sex scenes are dull and un-sexy. The under-use of the ravishing Christina Lindberg is absolutely criminal - and everyone involved in this production should be shot for this unforgivable oversight. Don't bother unless you like dull romance films with a little bit (but not nearly enough) sleaze thrown in...

Swedish Wildcats: 2/10: Have you ever been watching a film and a slow creeping horrific realization comes over you. You know despite the box art and the blurbs you realize this movie isn't what you thought it was. It is something much more dastardly and vile. It's a chick flick.

Swedish Wildcats is a chick flick in all its Harlequin Romance, bad Anime back-story glory. The original title Every Afternoon should have been a clue and the music certainly gives hints but it isn't till the fortieth shot of a fully clothed woman wandering around the parks in sun drenched Copenhagen that the true level of horror sinks in.

The girls are attractive enough and do disrobe from time to time but seem remarkably bored with the whole affair. The men all resemble euro trash surrender monkeys with a couple resembling flaming surrender monkeys if you know what I mean. The wildcat scenes are nothing you haven't seen Rebecca Romijn-Stamos do in the X-men movies.

In fact all the stage productions look more like NEA grant fodder than an actual erotic show. There is no real erotic edge and the plot with a whore pretending to be ballerina finding chaste love with mechanic pretending to be test pilot is right out of every bad Japanese animated series ever (Minus the giant robots of course). This movie needed giant robots, a serial killer, something besides romance and a tour of Copenhagen.

New York Wildcats: 1/10: More of a featurette than a full blown movie NY Wildcats takes the cats motif from Swedish Wildcats and runs with it… into a brick wall.

A showcase for some of the worst line reading this side of public access, NY Wildcats doesn't deliver on the eroticism it promises, While avoiding the mind numbing tedium that Swedish Wildcats is full of.

It brings a level of incompetence to the table rarely scene outside of early Full Moon Pictures releases. Add on a very unattractive cast and you'll find yourself fast forwarding through the sex scenes as well as the plot, never a good sign.

I can't for the life of me recall why I ordered this film from Netflix. Watching it brought me no clue either. Although it features a past her prime Diana Dors the film has little else to recommend it. It is stultifyingly unsexy and humorless so it has neither erotic nor camp value. The DVD even has interviews with some of the "creative" team who claim that there actually was a script. Little evidence of that in the film. If you are interested in pre-hardcore erotica with some attention to plot and great cinematography I would recommend the films of Radley Metzger. They aren't GREAT films but Metzger has a wonderful camera eye and the scripts are a lot more intelligent and sometimes even interesting.

Every Afternoon (1974)

** (out of 4)

Mix of melodrama and sex/nudity from director Joseph W. Sarno takes place in a Copenhagen brother being ran by Aunt Margareta (Diane Dors). Inside the walls the main story focuses on two orphan sisters who find themselves living two different lives with one quickly falling in love with a man. This film, also known as Swedish WILDCATS, isn't really something that's going to appeal to too many people. I guess fans of Sarno will want to take a look at it but I'm willing to guess that the majority of viewers are going to be fans of Christina Lindberg. Obviously she's such a sex goddess that her fans are going to watch anything she's in but sadly she has a very small part here so her fans will probably be disappointed. As for the film itself, I think it's obvious that Sarno wanted to be the Douglas Sirk of sexploitation pictures. There's no question that he has a certain talent in making these sex pictures look a lot better than they probably deserve to be but at the same time the melodrama is just so dry and boring that it's pretty hard to really care about anything that's going on. The love stories involving the sisters really aren't that interesting and even worse is that the film really doesn't have much plot anyways. The performances are pretty much above average for this type of film and that includes Dors who really makes her character a lot more entertaining than it deserved to be since it's pretty one-note. EVERY AFTERNOON really isn't going to appeal to many people but it's slightly well-made and has some nudity to help keep it moving along.